All the Wrong Choices
by xcherryxlipsx
Summary: (ON HIATUS) When Clara Weasley begins her first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she has no idea what fate has in store for her. She meets an intriguing, blonde boy on the train and what starts out as misguided puppy love, soon turns into a dark and toxic attraction.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** This story is not about the trios adventures. I have also changed things and characters as I see fit to better work for the story I'm trying to tell.  
This story will have a bit of a jump because the themes I want to explore can't really be explored until the beginning of year 4 but I felt it was important to write a few chapters of their younger years to establish the relationships the characters have with each other.  
Please consider leaving a review, constructive criticism is always appreciated!

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The day that I stepped on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, was the beginning of the chain of events that would change my life forever. It was September first, I was eleven years old and, having received my acceptance letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry that summer, I had just left home for the first time in my young life. Nervous and excited, I was making my way through the train, trying to find my cousin, Ronald Weasley.  
I had lost my mother at the age of three and being an only child, I grew up spending a lot of time with my cousins. We acted more like siblings than cousins. Though people never believed we were related at all.  
My father and his brother, Arthur came from a long line of Weasleys, all with ginger hair and freckles, and when uncle Arthur married Molly, who also happened to be a redhead, they had seven redheaded, freckled children. They were exactly how people knew the Weasleys.  
Father, however, fell in love and married my mother, who was a beautiful, dark haired witch and I was born with the same deep brown hair. The only thing I inherited from the Weasley side of my family was my pale skin and the light freckles strewn across my nose and cheekbones. I often found myself wishing I looked more like Ron and his siblings, so that I would look like I belonged.  
Father was running late that morning and when we finally arrived on platform nine and three quarters, I couldn't see Ron or the rest of the Weasleys anywhere. Once on the train, I ran into Fred and George, my older twin cousins, and they directed me towards the back of the train, where they had seen Ron sitting with another first year.  
Sure enough, when I reached the last car, I heard a familiar voice coming from one of the compartments. Just as I had made it close enough to make out what was being said, the conversation stopped and the door slid open. A blonde boy I had never seen before stepped out, flanked by two large boys who looked more like his bodyguards than his peers. He looked right at me and I was stunned by his beautiful, icy blue eyes. In hindsight, I think I fell in love in that instant despite not knowing anything about him.  
Of course, I was eleven and had no idea what love was. To me, it was an abstract concept, something adults did when they were ready to marry and have children. All I knew in that moment was that the boy coming towards me was beautiful and that his presence made my heart beat funny. As we passed each other in that narrow corridor, our hands touched briefly and I could feel my face turning furiously red.  
Unable to move, I stared at his retreating back until he turned and our eyes met once more. His eyes seemed full of unspoken questions. I probably would have kept staring at him forever if it hadn't been for one of the large boys moving to stand in front of him.  
With the spell broken, I quickly ducked into the compartment the boys had just come out of.  
"Where have you been? We didn't see you on the platform." The sudden voice made me jump and turn around. It would seem I had found Ron.  
I felt suddenly self-conscious and hoped the blush on my cheeks had disappeared. "Dad was running late this morning, we made it just in time for me to board the train."  
Ron didn't really seem interested in what I had to say, instead he kept glancing at the boy sitting across from him. "Am I interrupting something?" I asked, feeling suddenly awkward.  
Ron let out an exasperated sigh. "This is Harry, Harry Potter!" Ron couldn't hide the excitement in his voice.  
I looked over at Harry who looked mostly uncomfortable and felt sorry for him. He must have gotten a lot of attention all morning. "Nice to meet you, Harry! I'm Clara Weasley, Ron's cousin."  
Ron looked outraged. "You did hear me say Harry Potter, didn't you?" Clearly, he felt my reaction to meeting the boy who lived was underwhelming.  
"Yes, _Ronald_ , I heard you but unlike you, I'm not star struck." Ron always hated it when I called him Ronald.  
His cheeks grew furiously red. "I'm not star struck," he muttered.  
Having grown up with muggles and being denied any knowledge of all things magic, Harry was excited to ask us questions about the magical world. He found every little detail about our lives interesting and I could tell Ron was enjoying the attention.  
The train ride seemed to go by quickly, the world outside the window growing dark as evening fell. An announcement sounded through the train telling us we would be arriving at Hogsmeade Station in exactly fifteen minutes. Percy, another one of my older cousins, poked his head through the door to let us know that we should change into our robes.  
The closer we got to the station, the queasier I began to feel. What if I didn't make any friends? What if I was bad in all my classes?  
The uneasy feeling continued, as the station came into view. I must have been doing something to make Ron notice how uncomfortable I was feeling, because he placed a reassuring hand on my arm and smiled.  
Feeling slightly better, I followed the sea of students off the train. A large man with a bushy beard stood on the platform and called for the first years to follow him. I tried hard not to, but I couldn't help but stare. The man was so huge he looked more like a small giant than a normal man.  
The man's name was Hagrid, Harry informed us, and he was the gamekeeper at the school. Hagrid had been the one who had saved Harry from his muggle family and brought him to Diagon Alley to purchase the things he needed for his first year at Hogwarts.

Soon, all the first years were off the train and hurrying to keep up with Hagrid, as he led us down a steep hill to a large lake, where a dozen small boats sat waiting at the docks. Everyone wanted to sit with their friends, until there wasn't enough room in one boat for all three of us. Ron and I ended up sitting with a bushy haired girl whom he seemed to know.

"I'm Hermione Granger," she said, extending a hand towards me.

I shook her hand, feeling strange about the whole thing. I had never met a child who shook hands without being prompted to by their parents. "Clara Weasley."

"Are you related to him?" she nodded towards Ron, who was sitting at the back of the small boat, trying not to catch her attention.

"We're cousins."

Hermione seemed to accept this with mild interest, before launching into a long monologue that consisted of random facts about Hogwarts, all the school books she had already skimmed through and how excited she was to start learning.

I could tell exactly why Ron found her annoying. She was chatty and a bit of a know-it-all. It seemed she took incredible pride in all the facts she had memorized. Ron kept making faces behind her back and I had to fight hard not to laugh.

Soon, Ron's face changed from silly to awestruck, as he stared at something behind me. When I turned to look, I couldn't help but feel the same. There, atop a tall mountain, was a large castle beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Even Hermione had gone quiet.

The boats docked at a small boathouse below the mountain. Once all the students were off the boats, Hagrid gestured for us to follow him up a ridiculously long staircase built into the side of the mountain. Ron groaned and complained that his feet hurt almost the entire way up.

I was about ready to shove him down the stairs, when we finally reached the courtyard. Hagrid walked confidently up to the giant double doors of the castle and knocked. It seemed such a silly thing to do; knocking on the door of such a large castle.

A strict looking witch opened the doors and looked out over the crowd. "Go ahead and join the others, Hagrid," her friendly tone did not match the seriousness of her face.

As Hagrid disappeared into the castle, the witch turned her attention back to the crowd of nervous first years. "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," she spoke the words rather matter-of-factly. "I am professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor house. In a few moments, you will be joining your fellow students in the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony, but first you will follow me inside."

Once inside the castle, I couldn't help but look around in wonder. All the stories Fred and George had told us about Hogwarts couldn't possibly compare to the real thing.

"Now," the professor began once more, "I will go inside and prepare. When we are ready for you, I will come back and we will all enter the hall in an orderly fashion. You will be quiet and behave yourselves while you wait."

Professor McGonagall had barely closed the doors behind her, when Ron nudged me and pointed towards Harry standing at the front of the crowd. We made our way to him, passing Hermione on the way.

"Which house do you reckon you'll be in?" Ron asked, looking at both me and Harry.

"As long as I don't end up in Slytherin, I'm happy," I replied while Harry shrugged.

"I reckon I'll be in Gryffindor like the rest of my family."

I grinned. "With your luck, Ronald, you'll end up in Slytherin."

Ron had just enough time to shoot me a nasty look, before the doors leading to the Great Hall opened. Professor McGonagall appeared once more. "Follow me!"

The hall was amazing. Hundreds of candles floated above four, long tables lined with students wearing their various house colors. I almost tripped over my own feet staring at the enchanted ceiling that looked exactly like the sky outside. The best part was that there was so much to look at that I completely forgot about all the eyes staring at us. That is, until we reached the front of the hall.

In front of the teachers table was a rickety looking chair with an ugly, brown hat. I was sure it was the sorting hat Fred and George had told us about after their first year at Hogwarts.

Professor McGonagall unfurled her scroll and began calling out names. One by one, the crowd of first years dwindled, until there were only a few of us left.

"Draco Malfoy!"

My heart made a strange leap, as the blonde boy I had seen on the train made his way to the chair. Our eyes met for a moment, causing my cheeks to turn the color of Ron's hair. I held my breath as he took a seat. The hat had barely touched his head when it shouted: "Slytherin!".

Draco seemed extremely pleased and my stomach dropped. I had never heard of any decent people ending up in Slytherin.

"Hermione Granger!"

Ron nudged me and whispered: "I bet she'll end up in Ravenclaw." I nodded in agreement, she seemed exactly the type.

"Gryffindor!" The hat shouted, much to my surprise and Ron's dismay.

"Ronald Weasley!"

My stomach lurched, next would be my turn. Ron looked nervous, as the Sorting Hat sat quietly on his head for a moment. "Gryffindor!" it finally shouted to Ron's obvious relief. I could hear Fred and George cheering loudly behind me.

"Clara Weasley!"

With a deep breath, I stepped up in front of the entire school. My palms felt sweaty. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and I knew a lot of them were wondering the same thing most people wondered when they met me: how on earth was I a Weasley.

As I took a seat, my eyes wandered to the Slytherin table and to Draco. He had a strange look on his face, one I couldn't quite read. The hat slid down and covered my eyes, it was way too big for a normal sized head.

"Hm," I heard a sudden voice in my ear, almost making me jump out of my seat. "Your heritage is colorful indeed, young Weasley. Two sides pulling in opposite directions, coming together in you. Where to put you… Best put you with the rest of them; Gryffindor!"

My legs were shaking when I stood up to meet my cousins at the Gryffindor table. I wondered what the hat had meant when it said my heritage was colorful. My worries were soon forgotten, however, when Percy shook my hand and the twins excitedly welcomed me to Gryffindor.

I had barely sat down when Professor McGonagall finally called out Harry's name. The entire hall went silent and people stretched their necks to get a better look at him. Poor Harry looked like he might get sick, as he sat down on the chair and waited.

The hat was silent for much longer than it had with anyone else. Everyone held their breaths in anticipation, they all wanted to know which house would get the boy who lived.

"Gryffindor!"

The entire table around me erupted in a thunderous roar. Percy shook Harry's hand eagerly and the twins kept shouting: "we got Potter! We got Potter!".

The rest of the sorting ceremony went by fast, there were only a handful of children left to sort after Harry. The headmaster, Dumbledore, clapped his hands and the tables filled to the brim with all kinds of food you could imagine. Ron's eyes went wide with excitement, as he began loading up his plate with chicken and potatoes.

I hadn't noticed how hungry I was until the food was in front of me. Suddenly, my stomach was growling loudly and I ended up eating more than I probably should have.

Once the meal was over, Dumbledore held a short speech, welcoming all the first years and announcing new school rules. I knew I should have paid more attention, but it was hard to focus when my eyes kept wandering over to the Slytherin table. Sometimes I would catch Draco looking at me and my heart would skip a beat.

It seems unavoidable to me now, it was as if destiny had decided that we needed to meet and feel inexplicably drawn to each other no matter how hard we tried to fight it.

At the time, I had no idea what was happening to me but over the next few years I would come close to finding out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who followed my story, it means a lot to me! This one is a short chapter but I promise the next one will be longer. Please consider leaving a review, even if you just want to say you hated it or loved it!**

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After the feast, Percy, who was the prefect of Gryffindor house, led us through the castle to Gryffindor tower. I felt at home in the common room and dormitory instantly. Everything was decorated in the Gryffindor colors, it was very warm and inviting. Rather than feeling too homesick, I could see myself settling in just fine.

I shared a room with three other girls, none of whom I recognized. One of the girls introduced herself as Lavender Brown. She was chatty and perky, but less annoyingly so than that girl Hermione had been. Lavender promised to stick by me and I was simply glad to have made an acquaintance. The other two girls introduced themselves as Sarah and Emma, they seemed to know each other from home and didn't seem too interested in making friends with me and Lavender.

The next morning when I awoke, it took me a moment to remember that I wasn't at home in my bed. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Lavender was already awake, though she didn't look very happy about it. Her curly hair had become frizzy in the night and her eyes were still puffy from sleep. She smiled when she noticed I was awake too.

"Did you get a good night's sleep? I thought I would be too excited to sleep but I must have been tired. Do you remember what our first class is today?"

Still groggy, I stared at her incredulously, she looked like I felt, how was she able to form all those chipper sentences?

"No matter," Lavender continued. "We'll figure it out."

I gave her a sleepy smile and began sorting out my robes. Once I was dressed, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and brushed my teeth. Lavender came to stand next to me by the mirror.

"Sweetie, are you really going to wear your hair in a ponytail?"

I glanced at her reflection. Her thick hair sat on her shoulders, with a pink headband holding back her bangs. Having never given much thought to how I looked, I shrugged. "It's comfortable and keeps my hair out of the way."

Lavender shook her head dramatically, as if to say I was hopeless, but didn't press the issue further.

By the time I was ready to go, she stood by the door looking anxious. "Are you hungry? Do you want to skip breakfast?"

My stomach gave a loud growl in response, causing her to giggle. "I guess that's a no to skipping breakfast then, though I don't know how you can be hungry after that feast last night."

The tables in the Great Hall were filled to the brim with all kinds of breakfast foods you could imagine. I looked around for Ron and saw that he was already seated at the Gryffindor table with Harry, surrounded by a large group of boys. Since there was nowhere to sit close to them, I gave them a quick smile as I passed and followed Lavender to an empty spot.

Despite the previous night's feast, I felt as though I hadn't eaten in days and began filling up my plate with everything I could think of. Lavender wrinkled her nose at me.

"Are you really going to eat all that?"

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," I sounded exactly like aunt Molly for a moment.

Lavender said something but I couldn't hear. My attention was drawn to the three figures walking across the hall towards the Gryffindor table. It was Draco and the two large boys that seemed to follow him everywhere he went. Draco's eyes were fixed on me and my heart began beating faster than I wanted it to.

I looked down at my plate and pretended I hadn't seen him. "Clara Weasley, right?" his tone was cocky, maybe a little too much so.

Lavender gave me a look that seemed to ask why a Slytherin boy was talking to me. I pretended not to notice and turned my eyes to Draco. It was a mistake, his blue eyes left me unable to speak. I nodded nervously.

"I'm Draco Malfoy and those two are Crabbe and Goyle."

Something about the way he said his name didn't sit well with me. It was almost like he wore his name like a badge of honor, something that set him apart from the rest of the world.

"I know who you are," I replied shortly.

"It seems Slytherin and Gryffindor have potions together today, I would be happy to let you walk with me."

 _Let_ me walk with him? He was working hard to leave a bad taste in my mouth and erase any attraction I had felt towards him.

"No thanks, Malfoy."

Draco leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "You're not going to find a better friend than me, I would think twice about rejecting me if I were you."

His words made my blood boil. Draco Malfoy was an entitled git and I was done talking to him. Turns out it was a lie I would tell myself for years to come, but there was never a time I believed it.

When I didn't say anything, Draco let out an angry huff and stalked off with Crabbe and Goyle in tow. I watched them leave and felt a twinge of regret and instantly hated myself for it.

"What was that about?" the sudden voice made me jump.

"Bloody hell, Ron!"

"Was Malfoy harassing you?"

Lavender snorted, causing Ron's head to snap in her direction. "More like she just embarrassed him in front of his goons." Ron stared at her, trying to figure out who she was. "I'm Lavender Brown."

Ron gave her an uninterested look, before turning his attention back to me. "Let me know if he gives you any trouble. Harry and I will take care of him."

I was beginning to feel irritated. I knew that Ron meant well, but knowing that he thought I needed protection angered me. "Thanks, _Ronald,_ but I can handle an idiot like Malfoy all on my own."

Ron exhaled sharply. "Stop calling me Ronald," he muttered and knowing the conversation was over, stalked off back to Harry.

"Who was that?" Lavender asked, watching Ron curiously.

"My cousin, Ron."

The look on her face told me she thought he was cute. The thought amused me, I doubted Ron had even really noticed girls yet.

After that morning Lavender couldn't keep her eyes off Ron. Every chance she got she wanted to sit as close to him as possible and I indulged her.

Eventually, Harry and Ron made friends with Hermione Granger, which upset Lavender. She didn't admit it, but I could see it plain as day, the way she glared at Hermione and muttered about her being a know-it-all.

Lavender wasn't the only one who was feeling resentful, anytime we saw Malfoy after that morning, he would glare at me out of the corner of his eye. Despite the angry looks, I couldn't stop my heart from beating strangely whenever he was around. Soon, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

It seemed that Harry and Ron had also done something to incur his wrath. Any chance he got, Malfoy would belittle and attempt to bully the two, but Harry was having none of it and towards the end of the school year, their animosity had grown.

When summer finally came, I was hopeful that some distance from Malfoy would help me forget all about him. Of course, that would have been way too easy…


	3. Chapter 3

The rumbling of the car outside woke me up with a start. I must have dozed off in the kitchen chair waiting for my cousins to return. I blinked the sleep from my eyes, it was already morning.

I had spent the night at The Burrow again, while dad worked the night shift. He was an auror, which meant I saw more of my cousins than I did him. I had a permanent bed in Ginny's room for the summer. Lucky for me, Ginny and I got on great, it could have been awkward if we didn't.

Being a light sleeper, I had been awakened that night by the sound of an engine in the front yard. Wondering if uncle Arthur was home early, I crept to the window to peek outside. That's when I saw the car flying away into the night and knew that the boys were up to something. I had checked their rooms to find them empty and then crept downstairs to wait for them in the kitchen.

It hadn't been hard to guess that they were going to check on Harry. Ron had been complaining all summer about not receiving a single response to any of his letters. Even Hermione had written, asking if he had heard anything from Harry.

I felt annoyed at being excluded. I was aware that Harry, Ron and Hermione were a threesome and that I wasn't a part of their group at school, but Ron and I had always been close outside Hogwarts.

As I heard their muffled voices outside, I prepared myself to give him a piece of my mind. Fred, George and Ron came stumbling through the door, Harry in tow. I sat in silence, my arms crossed over my chest, waiting for them to notice me.

"Oh!" Harry exclaimed when his eyes landed on me. "Hi Clara, Ron didn't tell me you'd be here."

My cousins looked like they'd seen a ghost, no doubt thinking I had told Molly they were gone.

"Don't worry, I didn't tell. But next time you plan a daring rescue, include me!"

"We didn't want to get you in trouble," Ron mumbled defensively.

His words had me seething in an instant. Why did Ron always think I needed him to protect me?!

"Cheer up, Clara," George said before I had a chance to let Ron have it, "it wasn't that exciting." The look the boys shared suggested it had been exactly that exciting. My anger simmered back down to annoyance and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, you lot better head up to bed before aunt Molly wakes up."

"Too late!" the shrill voice came from the kitchen entrance and I knew without turning around that it was aunt Molly, standing there with her hands on her hips, steam coming out her nostrils. "Well?!" she demanded when no one spoke.

"Good morning, mum," Fred attempted.

This only served to fuel her rage. "Have you any idea how worried I've been?! Beds empty! No note! Car gone! You could have been seen! You could have been killed!"

"But they were starving him, mum!" Ron protested.

Aunt Molly turned to Harry, who cowered at the sudden attention. "Hello, Harry dear, it's lovely to see you again."

Harry smiled awkwardly. "Nice to see you again, Mrs. Weasley."

She smiled at him and then whipped around to look at me. "Clara Weasley! Why didn't you tell me the boys were gone?!" Her voice had gone shrill again.

"I- I-" I started to defend myself but to be truthful, I didn't have a reason she would find acceptable. I looked down at my feet. "I'm sorry aunt Molly."

She seemed to accept this and turned back to Harry. "Come on then, sit down and have some breakfast."

The boys sat down around the table, no one dared to speak. We were all perfectly aware that aunt Molly was still angry. She would mutter angrily to herself as she prepared eggs and sausages. The air in the room was tensed to say the least.

Finally, the tension was broken for a brief moment, when uncle Arthur came walking through the door and slumped into an empty chair. "What a night! We had nine raids, can you believe it?"

He looked around the table and jumped slightly when he noticed Harry. "Who are you?"

Harry smiled awkwardly. "Harry, sir, Harry Potter."

"My word, are you really? Ron has told us so much about you!"

Before he could get too excited, aunt Molly cleared her throat loudly to get his attention. "Have you any idea what your sons did last night!" At the confused expression on his face, she continued: "They flew that car of yours to Surrey and back last night!"

Uncle Arthur's eyes widened with delight. "Did you really? How did it go?" His voice faltered at the angry look from aunt Molly. "I, er, that was bad."

I could tell that aunt Molly was about to explode and quickly excused myself. My father would be home waiting for me and I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. I hurried to Ginny's room, where she was still asleep, and changed out of my pajamas. I quickly threw my things into a bag and snuck back out of the room. Heading down the stairs, I almost ran into Harry and Ron.

"Sneaking off without saying goodbye, are you," Ron grinned.

"I'll be back tomorrow when you've had some rest, we can play quidditch now that we have someone besides me who's actually good," I smiled at Harry.

Ron rolled his eyes. "What do you say, Harry, up for a bit of quidditch tomorrow?"

Harry smiled brightly. "I'd love to! I didn't exactly get to practice while staying with the Dursleys."

I grinned and headed down the stairs. "I look forward to me and Ginny kicking your butts."

"Keep dreaming, Clara!" Ron called after me.

* * *

A week later, the owl arrived as I was standing by the kitchen counter, eating my breakfast. Dad was sat at the table with his newspaper, throwing the occasional bothered glance my way. He hated it when I insisted on eating my meals standing up. "If your mother were here," he would say while shaking his head.

The grey bird tapped on the window impatiently. As soon as I opened the window, it flew in and dropped the envelope on the table in front of dad.  
"Ah! It's from Hogwarts!" he sounded almost as excited as he had the previous year when my acceptance letter had arrived. "It seems we have a lot of books to get this year."

I glanced at the letter over his shoulder. "I don't know why we need the entire Gylderoy Lockhart collection, once you've read one, you've read them all."

Dad chuckled. "You're quite right, sweetheart."

After breakfast, I hurried down the hill to the Burrow for another day of playing quidditch with my cousins. Harry and Ron were already outside with their brooms, waiting for me.

Aunt Molly poked her head through the kitchen window when she heard my voice. "Tell your father we will be going to Diagon Alley next Wednesday to do our shopping and that you should meet us there."

"Will do," I shouted over my shoulder, while running after Harry and Ron.

The morning of Wednesday, I convinced dad to travel to London by bus. He knew how much I hated all forms of magical travel and he happily agreed. Dad, much like uncle Arthur, enjoyed studying muggles anyway and muggle watching was always best on public transportation.

"Is your friend Lavender going to be there?" Dad asked, as we were walking towards the village to catch a bus into the city.

"No, she's still on holiday with her parents, I won't see her until September first."

Lavender and her family had a vacation home on some remote wizard island. It was all she had been able to talk about in her letters during summer break and had sent me tons of pictures of her room and the beautiful village and beach she frequented. Her parents had extended an open invitation, saying I could join them any summer I wanted and Lavender had been over the moon. I suspected all the pictures and talk of how wonderful it was, was her way of trying to convince me to join them next summer.

We reached the village just in time to catch the bus, which was lucky because it only ran every half hour. Dad was disappointed when we were the only two people on the bus, but soon perked up when we reached the first stop and half a dozen muggles came onboard.

Dad tried not to stare too much, but always ended up staring more than the muggles were comfortable with. One old lady shot him such a glare that I was surprised he didn't catch on fire.

After almost an hour, we finally reached the city and our stop. Dad bid the muggles goodbye, attracting many strange looks. I ducked my head down to keep the embarrassment from showing. I loved my dad and refused to be one of those kids who made their parent feel bad on their account.

Once inside Diagon Alley, I breathed a sigh of relief, we were among our own kind and here dad wasn't so strange. Our first stop was Sugarplum's Sweetshop, something that was a Diagon Alley tradition of ours. With our ice cream cones in hand, we ventured out to meet the Weasleys outside of Gringotts.

We found uncle Arthur and aunt Molly waiting for us without the children. They informed us that they had run off with Harry to find Hermione and would meet us at Flourish and Blott's for Gylderoy Lockhart's book signing event. Aunt Molly sounded almost like a giddy schoolgirl at the mention of Lockhart's name. I couldn't help but giggle, why did witches love him so much? He wasn't even that good looking, if you asked me.

"Clara!" the happy shout came from the steps outside the bookstore. I smiled at Harry and Hermione, as I fought my way through the crowd to meet them.

"Have a good summer, Hermione?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I tried but my parents took me on holiday and insisted we visit _all_ the touristy locations. I hardly got any studying done!"

She was the only twelve-year-old I knew who was upset that they didn't have enough time to do homework during the summer. Harry and I looked at each other, knowing we were thinking the same thing.

Getting inside the bookstore was nearly impossible. It seemed all the witches in the wizarding community had come to see Lockhart. Even Hermione looked flustered at the thought of meeting him! Having decided not to get anything signed, I made my way around the store, looking for the books I would need for school.

"Bloody hell!" I heard Ron complaining behind me. "These witches are going mental for Lockhart!"

"Don't pretend like you're not excited to see him," I grinned teasingly.

"You're so funny, really, the most hilarious person I've ever met."

Once I had all my books picked out and paid for, I decided to watch from the sidelines, as aunt Molly and Hermione fawned over Lockhart. As soon as the man entered the room, the crowd of witches practically swooned. Ron and I rolled our eyes simultaneously.

* * *

I looked down from the alcove at the crowd below, stupid witches going crazy over Gylderoy Lockhart. A movement caught my eye. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her; Clara Weasley. The summer had done nothing to change the way I reacted at the sight of her and this angered me. She was a Gryffindor and a Weasley at that! Whatever it was that she was making me feel, it was unacceptable!

I turned my attention back to Lockhart just in time to see him stop dead in his tracks to stare at someone in the crowd. My eyes scanned the room; Potter. Anger mixed with jealousy, as Lockhart pulled him out of the crowd to stand next to him. Lockhart made a big show of posing with Harry for the Daily Prophet and Harry was obviously loving it. Stupid Potter, walking around, thinking he's better than everyone just for being born.

When Lockhart was done with Harry, he smiled brightly and sent him back into the crowd. Potter fought his way through the crowd of people to Clara and Weasley. I gritted my teeth. The way Potter was looking at Clara caused my anger and jealousy to reach new heights. He was clearly trying to win her over with his famous Harry Potter routine. Well, not if I had anything to say about it! With a sneer, I made my way downstairs.

"Famous Harry Potter, can't even go to a bookshop without making the front page!"

Harry shot me a nasty glare.

"Sod off, Malfoy!" Weasley spat.

I dared a glance at Clara, who was glaring at me. When our eyes met, her cheeks flushed a light shade of pink and she averted her gaze. Her rejection of me the previous year still stung and made me feel even more angry. How dare she reject me but not Potter!

"Are you sure your parents can afford all those books, Weasley?" I turned my attention back to Ron, wanting to hurt them all. "You'll be fed at Hogwarts but your poor parents will go hungry for months!"

Ron's face turned a bright shade of red, his eyes nearly bulging with fury. I knew I had hit him exactly where it hurt. Ron handed his books off to Clara and pounced at me. Fear gripped me, I was good at verbal insults but brawling wasn't my strong suit and Ron was quite a bit taller than me. Lucky for me, Clara and Harry quickly grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Don't, Ron," Clara said, shooting me a venomous glare. "He's not _worth_ it."

Her words stung me more than her angry glares and I instantly hated myself for caring. Draco Malfoy didn't care about what some pathetic little Gryffindor girl thought of him. My mind raced, trying to think of an insult to hurt her, but for some reason, she was the only person I could never insult.

I stood there in silence, all their eyes on me, waiting for me to speak. My palms were beginning to sweat when suddenly, something heavy touched my shoulder. I glanced down to see my father's snakehead walking stick. Instead of feeling relief, my body stiffened and I stepped aside.

"Harry Potter," father drawled, his best courteous smile plastered on his face. "Ah, I see the Weasleys are here as well."

My veins turned to ice when my father's scrutinizing stare landed on Clara. He cocked his head slightly. "Miss Granger?" he looked to me to confirm.

I shook my head, not wanting to tell him who she was but knowing I had no choice. "Clara Weasley."

"A dark haired Weasley?" he spoke with mild interest. "How did Arthur and Molly manage you?"

"That is none of your business, Lucius Malfoy." Ron's father had appeared at the edge of the crowd. His mouth was set in a civil smile, while his eyes were glaring at father. He wasn't bothering to mention that Clara wasn't his.

"Arthur, take it as a compliment, she is much less homeless looking than your other children."

Mr. Weasley's eyes flashed with rage. Before any of us could process what was happening, him and father were at each other's throats. Ron looked delighted that his father was throwing punches in a bookshop, while the rest of us stared in horror.

Clara had dashed out of sight and was now returning with Mrs. Weasley, who looked like she was ready to strangle her husband. "Arthur Weasley!" her voice was shrill and enough to make both Mr. Weasley and my father stop dead in their tracks. "I cannot believe you! Fighting in a bookshop, in front of our children! What kind of an example are you setting?!"

People had stopped what they were doing and turned to stare. Father, always wanting to avoid a public spectacle that made him look bad, grabbed a hold of my robes and dragged me out of the shop. Before we disappeared through the door, I threw one last look at Clara. Her eyes were cold, as she stared back at me.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Please consider leaving a review, I would love to know how you feel about me telling parts of the story from Draco's POV.  
In the next chapter we will see a turning point in Draco and Clara's relationship, so stay tuned! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I have changed the order of certain events from the third book/movie for this chapter.**

* * *

The summer before our third year went by too fast. Dad had agreed to let me spend the summer with Lavender's family at their summer home and it was an amazing few months. We spent our days exploring the small village and sun bathing at the beach. Our nights were spent laughing and eating all the sweets we could get our hands on.  
Too soon, August thirty-first had arrived and we hurried back to England to do our back to school shopping. Dad met us in the city, he wanted to personally thank Lavender's parents for taking care of me that summer. He also informed us that Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys were staying at the Leaky Cauldron and that we would be spending the night there as well. Lavender's eyes lit up at the mention of Ron and I knew she was disappointed when her parents wanted to spend their last night before term started at home.  
After we said our goodbyes, dad and I made our way to meet up with the gang for dinner. Ron spent the entire dinner talking about his family's trip to Egypt and when he was finally done talking, Harry told me about how he had accidentally turned his uncle's sister into a balloon. Hermione lamented over missed homework, as usual, and the rest of us thought her crazy. The whole night felt nice and normal, despite the disturbing news that the infamous mass murderer, Sirius Black, had escaped from Azkaban prison.  
The next morning, we traveled to King's Cross and passed through the barrier to platform nine and three quarters. Seeing the Hogwarts Express filled me with joy. There was still something exciting about going away for almost an entire year to live in a giant castle without your parents.  
We said our goodbyes and boarded the train. Most of the compartments were already occupied, so we settled for a compartment with a man sleeping in the corner. His face was covered by the coat he was using as a blanket. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, I decided to head out and find Lavender as soon as I had relieved myself of my trunk.  
The corridors were empty, save for the odd student looking for one of their friends, and the happy chatter of students could be heard through the closed compartment doors.  
Suddenly, the train screeched to a halt and I had to grab the wall to stay on my feet. Compartment doors began to open and heads popped out, looking up and down the corridor for an explanation as to why we had stopped. Then, the train jerked sideways and I found myself stumbling into an empty compartment, as if compelled to by magic. The door slid closed in front of me and I was alone. Or so I thought.  
"Clara?"  
I wheeled around at the confused voice and found myself staring at Draco Malfoy. He had changed over the summer; he had grown taller and changed the way he wore his hair. I couldn't help but feel an attraction to him. We stared at each other, something unspoken passing between us.  
The lights went out and fear began to take hold. I stumbled to the window to try and get a look outside but the night was too dark. Something moved in the darkness and the train jerked once more. I let out an involuntary gasp, the air turned cold and I could see my breath in the air. Draco and I faced each other in the darkness, waiting for everything to return to normal.  
The train gave another jerk and I found myself falling face first. In a split second, Draco had grabbed a hold of my arms. We were so close now that I could feel his breath on my face, sending shivers down my spine. Once more, I felt the familiar feeling of my heart hammering against my ribcage and I bit my lip. I wanted him to kiss me.  
Just as suddenly as it had begun, the moment was broken as the lights came back on and the train began moving again. There, under the bright lights, the magic was gone and he was Draco Malfoy and I was Clara Weasley once more.  
We pulled apart at the same time and stared at each other in awkward silence. Had I really wanted Draco Malfoy to kiss me? Had he wanted to kiss me? It must have been momentary insanity and the fear we both felt at the unusual behavior of the train. But as I turned and left the compartment, I found myself unable to stop thinking about him.

* * *

After the train ride, Draco spent most of the first term turning and walking away whenever we saw each other in the halls. I never saw him at meals anymore, and in class I would catch him staring at me, a strange look on his face.  
Draco's strange behavior continued until our first trip to Hogsmeade village. Lavender and I walked arm in arm, lagging behind the rest of the group. She was too busy talking about Ron to notice the footsteps coming up behind us, until someone bumped into me hard, nearly sending us both flying face first into the snow.  
"Watch it, miss Weasel!" Blaise Zabini spat with a nasty grin.  
I glared at him. "Miss Weasel? Wow, Blaise, I hope you didn't waste your last remaining brain cells coming up with that one."  
Lavender let out a quiet snort, causing Blaise to turn his attentions to her. "What are you laughing at, Brown?!" He advanced on us threateningly and I prepared to defend myself.  
"Blaise!" the voice was sharp, commanding and caused Blaise to stop dead in his tracks.  
Draco came up from behind us, his eyes blazing. "I thought I told you to wait for me! What part of that was too difficult for you to understand?!"  
Blaise seemed caught off guard. He stared at Draco like a deer caught in headlights. "You never-"  
"Are you calling me a liar?!"  
Blaise quickly shook his head and lowered his gaze. Satisfied, Draco jerked his head in the direction of the group and Blaise scurried to do as he was told. Without a word, Draco followed. When he was sure Blaise wasn't looking, he turned and our eyes met. There was a moment when I thought I saw something in his eyes, something I hadn't seen before but couldn't quite figure out.  
Then, all the pieces fell into place. Draco had called Blaise off to protect me. I was too confused by his behavior to feel the usual irritation I felt when people thought I needed protecting. Why had Draco Malfoy of all people wanted to protect me?  
"That was strange," Lavender's sudden voice broke through my thoughts.  
"Huh?"  
She looked at me like I had hit my head. "Malfoy, coming over here and not insulting us." She thought about it for a moment. "Now that I think about it, I've never heard him insult you specifically, why is that?"  
I shrugged, irritated that she had noticed. "Do I look like I'm aware of the inner workings of Draco Malfoy?"  
Lavender let it go but I suspected she was still suspicious. No matter, a few hours in Hogsmeade and she would soon forget all about it, I just had to make sure to talk about Ron a lot.

After a long, tiring shopping spree in the village, Lavender and I made our way to The Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer. I pulled off my coat and gloves, while Lavender ordered our drinks and I couldn't help but search the room for a familiar face: Draco's. I was disappointed to find he wasn't there and instantly chastised myself for caring.  
Lavender placed the drinks on the table and looked around the room. I grinned, happy for the distratction. "Looking for my cousin?"  
She blushed a light shade of pink. "Perhaps."  
I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was pretty sure Ron had a crush on Hermione but hadn't realized it yet. Instead, I decided that I needed a moment alone. "I'm going to go wash my hands."  
I escaped into the bathroom and was glad to discover it empty. With a tired sigh, I leaned against the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I had to get Draco Malfoy out of my mind, this wasn't healthy.  
Suddenly, there was a loud pop in one of the stalls behind me, causing me to jump in fright. I was sure no one was in here when I entered.  
"Hello?" I tried to peer under the doors, looking for a pair of feet.  
The stall door opened and a woman stepped out. She looked me up and down, her eyes full of emotion. I attempted a smile, fear digging it's claws into me. There was something familiar about her features, but I couldn't quite figure out what.  
"I- I was just about to leave." I tried to make my voice sound casual, but I'm pretty sure I failed.  
Without saying a word, the woman took a step forward and I found myself pressing my back into the sink behind me in an attempt to shrink away from her. She opened her mouth to speak but seemed to change her mind. Instead, she grabbed a hold of my arm, causing me to instinctively jerk away.  
I turned to run and that's when it happened: the woman lunged for me and grabbed both of my arms. I didn't even have time to react before I was plunged into darkness.

* * *

I was about to step into The Three Broomsticks for a drink, when the door flew open and someone came rushing out, nearly knocking me over. Instantly angry, I looked at the person who had so rudely hurried past me. It was Lavender Brown, Clara's best friend. Her eyes were frantic, as she looked up and down the street, clearly searching for something. Finally, she spotted something in the distance and took off running before I could let her have it.  
"Ron! Hermione!" I heard her call in a panicked voice.  
My curiosity got the better of me and I followed Lavender at a distance. When she reached Weasley and Granger, I stopped a few paces down to pretend I was admiring a window display.  
"What's the matter, Lavender?" Granger asked, concerned.  
"Clara's gone missing!" she managed to reply, while catching her breath. "I've looked everywhere! We were at The Three Broomsticks, she went into the bathroom but never came back out!"  
For a moment, it felt as though someone had punched me in the gut. What was wrong with me? Why did I care what happened to Clara?  
"How long has she been gone?" Weasley's voice almost shook with worry.  
"Thirty minutes, I think."  
I didn't need to hear more. Without hesitating, I decided to look for her. My legs carried me towards the edge of town. Something told me Clara wasn't in Hogsmeade village anymore.  
I wandered the woods for what seemed like hours, until darkness began to wind had begun to pick up speed and the snowfall was becoming so dense I could no longer see two feet in front of me. Stupid Weasley girl, she just had to get herself lost and I just had to care.  
"Clara?" I called into the darkness in front of me, hoping no one from the school was close by. There was no answer. This was ridiculous, I should have just turned and made my way back to Hogwarts, but something inside me refused to leave until I knew she was alright.  
Suddenly, I heard a faint sniffle through the darkness. Turning and peering out as far as I could, I began following the sound. "Hello?"  
The sniffling stopped, followed by a shuffling sound. "Who's there?!"  
My heart leapt at the sound of the panicked voice; I had found her. The relief was short lived, and was quickly replaced by anger and irritation. "What the hell are you doing?! Half the school is looking for you!"  
Her face finally came into view and I instantly regretted my harsh words. Clara's eyes were red and puffy, she looked like she had been crying for hours. Her body was trembling from the cold, as she stared at me in confusion. "What are you doing here, Malfoy?"  
"Looking for you, the whole damn school is!" it was a lie, but I was desperate to hide the fact that I cared. "How long have you been out here?" my voice was softer this time.  
She shrugged and wiped her cheek. "I don't know, a few hours maybe."  
A strange feeling had begun building up inside of me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and comfort her. Stop it! the little voice inside my head hissed angrily. You're Draco Malfoy, stop this nonsense and go back to the castle!  
My decision to ignore the voice wasn't a conscious one. When I looked at Clara, no matter how hard I tried, my feet refused to walk away. Without thinking, I reached for her hand and noticed it was bare and red from the cold. Without hesitation, I pulled off my gloves and held them out to her. "Here, you look like you could use these."  
She took them and then at me with a look of distrust and confusion. "Thanks."  
Before she could wonder too much about my motivations, I jerked my head in the direction of the village. "Well, come on then, maybe they'll reward me for finding you."  
She rolled her eyes and followed. We walked silently for a while, our arms occasionally brushing against each other, causing a strange sensation to vibrate through my body.  
"Draco?" she finally spoke quietly. I liked the way she said my name.  
"Hm?"  
"I saw my mother today."  
"So?"  
She let out a deep sigh. "My mother is dead, has been since I was three."  
"Oh." I didn't know why she was confiding in me and not being used to such a thing, I had no idea what to say.  
"She said that my father was punishing her for wanting a divorce and had kept me away from her for all these years."  
"What do you believe?"  
"I don't know what I believe. My father has never seemed the type to do something like that."  
We walked the rest of the way back to the village in silence. I still didn't know what to say to her, I wasn't even sure I wanted to say anything. Being around Clara was too confusing. She made me have all these strange feelings I had never experienced before and I wasn't sure I liked it. The only thing that I was completely sure of, was that it was becoming almost impossible for me to stay away from her.  
When we finally arrived at the outskirts of the village, I stopped walking and looked at the ground. My feet shuffled awkwardly as she gazed at me, wondering why I wasn't following. The realization hit her and she looked upset. "You're not coming?"  
I shook my head. "I- I don't want anyone thinking I care. There probably isn't a prize for finding you anyway."  
A bitter expression twisted her beautiful features. "Of course not, can't let anyone know you're not a total prick."  
I felt the hot flush of anger rise up inside of me. "You're welcome," I spat and walked away from her.  
It didn't take me long to regret my outburst and wish that I could turn back and apologize. Clara had implied that she didn't believe me a completely vile person and I had snapped at her. For a moment, I wondered if maybe I was a total prick. No, I was Draco Malfoy and others were just envious.

* * *

The snow had finally calmed as I walked into Hogsmeade. My head was still spinning from my time with Draco. He had shown me a glimpse of a Draco I had never seen before; a Draco who might be kind and caring. I couldn't understand why he had to try so hard to be a prick, it was like he took pride in it and wanted people to see him that way.  
"Clara!" the happy shriek came from behind me and belonged to my best friend Lavender. It was followed by thundering footsteps and I turned just in time for her to throw her arms around me. "Where have you been?! We've been so worried!"  
"I- er- I went for a walk…" I could have slapped myself.  
I could tell by the look on her face that she didn't believe me. "Why didn't you say anything before you left?" She was now examining me from top to bottom, making sure I was in one piece. Her eyes stopped at my gloves. "Hang on, those aren't yours." She cocked an eyebrow at me accusingly.  
I was glad that she was easily distracted, while cursing her for being so observant. My brain began searching for an explanation, something that sounded better than "I went for a walk". Thankfully, I was saved when we heard another voice call out my name. Relieved at the interruption, I turned to find Ron and Hermione running towards us.  
"Where have you been?!" Ron was furious with me.  
"Can I talk to you in private?" Taken aback by my response, Ron stared at me as I dragged him away from the others.  
I made sure they weren't within listening distance, before turning to Ron accusingly. "What do you know about my mother?"  
"What?"  
"My mother, what do you know about her?" I was beginning to feel more and more agitated by the minute.  
"I know what you know, that she died when we were three. Why are you asking me this?"  
I studied Ron's eyes, searching for any sign of a lie but found none. A deep, exhausted sigh exited my mouth. "I saw her today, my mother."  
I told Ron all about how my mother had found me in the bathroom and what she had told me in the woods. He listened intently.  
"Bloody hell, Clara! We have to tell your dad!"  
"No!" I said firmly. "Promise me that this stays between us until I've figured out what she wants."  
Reluctantly, he agreed and dropped the subject. We made our way back to Hermione and Lavender, the origin of my gloves now completely forgotten. Or so I thought.

Back in our dormitory, Lavender and I took turns taking a hot shower to warm ourselves after the freezing winters day in Hogsmeade. Our roommates were still down in the common room and I was glad we had the room all to ourselves for a time.  
I was impressed by Lavender's patience, she managed to wait until we were both dressed and sitting on my bed before she looked over at the gloves sitting on a chair next to my scarf. "So, whose are those?"  
I sucked in a deep, fearful breath. She was my best friend and it was about time I was honest with her, but saying the words out loud meant that there was no going back. "Draco Malfoy's," the words came out in a quiet mumble, a part of me hoping she wouldn't hear me.  
"What?!" She had heard me.  
"He was the one who found me and told me the whole school was looking for me."  
"Clara, the only people I told were Ron and Hermione."  
Her words caused my stomach to drop. Draco hadn't been looking for me because the teachers made him, he had been looking for me because he wanted to. The sinking feeling grew, as I came to the realization that Draco Malfoy cared. Thing would be so much less complicated if my confusing feelings were unrequited.  
I shook my head, feeling guilty for keeping this secret from Lavender for so long. "The truth is that he has been acting strange since our first year. You were right when you said he's never said anything hurtful to me directly and sometimes I've caught him staring at me. He acts like a total prick to everyone but he was nice to me today, he gave me his gloves because my hands were freezing."  
Lavender stared at me for a long moment. "Do you- do you have a crush on Draco Malfoy?" she finally asked.  
My face turned scarlet. "No!" my protest came a little too quickly.  
"Clara," her voice was serious, patient. "I know some girls like the bad boy thing, but Malfoy is just bad news. You can't change him."  
"I'm not one of those girls, Lav!"  
She looked like she didn't quite believe me, but dropped the subject all the same, knowing full well that I was done talking.  
That night, as I lay in bed, I couldn't get the image of Draco out of my mind. Why was I so drawn to him and why had he behaved so strangely all term?  
When I finally fell asleep, his face haunted my dreams.

After I confided in Draco that night in the woods, he went out of his way to catch my eye any chance he got. Sometimes he would walk past me and "accidentally" brush my shoulder and I felt a strange thrill every time. Lavender seemed to notice his strange behavior and shook her head disapprovingly whenever he was around. She gave me more lectures than I wanted and I kept trying to convince her that I felt nothing for Draco. She didn't buy it anymore than I did.  
In the spring, Draco managed to insult Buckbeak, the hippogriff, during one of Hagrid's lessons and had to be taken to the hospital wing for a scratch. After that, he milked his "injury" any chance he got and watching Pansy Parkinson fawning over him was sickening. What I was feeling felt a lot like jealousy, but if anyone had suggested it, I would have denied it vehemently.  
After the incident, I did my best to avoid him, not wanting to feel whatever it was I was feeling anymore and afraid others would become suspicious. Draco noticed the change and began trying even harder to catch my attention. Whenever I was around, he would talk louder and find more opportunities to "accidentally" bump into me.  
Then came the day when his father used his connections at the Ministry to have Buckbeak executed. Whenever I looked at him, I wondered if he was truly the same person he had been on the train and in Hogsmeade. The accident had clearly been his own fault, yet he wanted an innocent creature killed because it had reacted to his provocation.  
Not only was I confused and conflicted about my feelings, it was becoming increasingly more clear that my friends and family could never know about my strange attraction to Draco. Ron hated him with a burning passion and would probably never look at me the same if he were to find out.  
I was now looking forward to summer more than ever. A few months away from Draco and I would forget all about him. This was yet another lie that I would tell myself several times and never truly believe.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I will try to keep updating at least once a week but we've recently had a death in the family so I might miss a week or two this month.  
This is also the last chapter that is a quick overview of the year. Year four and on will span several chapters with more things happening.  
As always, I hope you've enjoyed and please consider leaving a review!  
**


	5. Chapter 5

"Clara!" the frantic voice broke through the haze of my dreams. I was having a particularly good one about food and was instantly annoyed. "Wake up! We're going to be late!"

With a groan, I opened my eyes to find Hermione, fully dressed and standing next to my bed. Why had I agreed to this sleepover again?

"We could skip breakfast, you know."

She seemed appalled at the idea. "Mrs. Weasley went through a lot of trouble and invited us all over for breakfast before the big game. Now, get your lazy bum out of bed and get ready."

"Aunt Molly always makes enough food to feed a small army," I mumbled resentfully before getting out of bed. "Ron would be happy to eat our share."

Hermione wasn't amused. She threw a pillow at my head and proceeded to go through her backpack, something she had already done several times the day before.

Making sure Hermione wasn't looking, I opened the small, wooden box on my desk and dug out a stack of letters. Mum had written me every week, making sure to send the owl to a secret drop off location in the woods so dad wouldn't find out. After she left dad, she had left the country and spent the last eleven years wandering the world. I had been careful not to tell her any intimate details about my life. Despite it being nice getting to know her, I still wasn't entirely sure I could trust her.

It was a beautiful morning; the sun was barely up over the horizon when we said goodbye to dad and began making our way towards the Burrow. Hermione talked the whole way there, telling me facts about quidditch and the teams that would be playing that night. The girl studied way too much in my opinion. There was a healthy curiosity, which I prided myself in possessing, and then there was Hermione who was obsessed with knowing everything about everything.

We arrived at the Burrow just as everyone was sitting down for breakfast. Aunt Molly smiled brightly at the two of us. "Come in, come in! We've got more than enough food for everyone!"

We ate breakfast, the room in constant chatter. My family had never been a quiet bunch, which was one of the things I loved the most about them. I never felt pressure to think of something to say because someone else always had a topic in mind.

Finally, when everyone had eaten more than they should, uncle Arthur kissed aunt Molly goodbye and led the group towards the forest. We would be traveling to the game by portkey, the one way of magical travelling I had never had the chance to try before. Everyone was in good spirits, excited for the match and to camp out.

Not for the first time that summer, my thoughts wandered to Draco. A part of me hoped he would be at the game and that I would see him there, but the smart, rational side of me knew that I needed to stay away.

The portkey turned out to be an old boot sitting atop a hill. A man and a boy, who looked to be a few years older than me, looked like they were getting ready to travel just as our group burst through the trees.

"Amos!" Arthur called happily, and the man turned to give us a bright smile.

"Good morning, Arthur!"

We were introduced to Amos Diggory and his son Cedric, who was very handsome. It seems I wasn't the only one who noticed, both Hermione and Ginny looked at each other and blushed a light shade of pink.

"He's one of the top students in his year," Hermione whispered, a hint of admiration in her voice.

I grinned. "And it doesn't hurt that he's good looking."

Both girls giggled, as we followed the others to the portkey. The trip was rough, we came through at our destination and tumbled to the ground, only to see uncle Arthur, Mr. Diggory and Cedric float gracefully to the ground. Cedric smiled down at me and offered me his hand.

"Thanks," I smiled up at him appreciatively.

Cedric pulled me to my feet gently. My cheeks grew hot and I quickly pretended to brush the grass off my clothes.

"Come on, you two!" Amos called to us. The rest of the group had already left.

Cedric smiled at me. "Can I help you with your bag?" Without waiting for me to answer, he gently slid it off my shoulder and placed it on his own.

"Thanks."

Without meaning to, I found myself comparing Cedric to Draco. I couldn't picture Draco as the kind of boy who would help a girl with her bag, or even smile at her the way Cedric did. Cedric was exactly the kind of boy that I should have liked.

We followed the others at a distance, Cedric walking close to me. He asked me about my family and the things I liked, and he listened with great interest. It was nice, being in the presence of a boy who wasn't one of my cousins or Harry, and who I didn't feel an undeniable attraction to.

We arrived at the camp grounds within a few minutes and I was immediately struck by the atmosphere of excitement all around us. The clearing was packed with tents and people running about, speaking in jovial tones. The joy of the moment didn't last long. There, in the middle of the jovial crowd, was Draco surrounded by his fellow Slytherins, including Pansy Parkinson, who was stuck to him like a bad habit. I felt a moment of jealousy, before taking a deep breath and reminding myself that Draco was trouble and that I shouldn't care who he chose to spend his time with. Just as I was about to turn away, he spotted me. His eyes traveled from me to Cedric, a less than pleased expression on his face.

"Mornin' Clara!" the familiar, Irish accent caused me to finally break eye contact.

I smiled politely at Seamus Finnigan, who was making his way through the crowd towards me and Cedric. "Morning Finnigan!"

I didn't know Seamus all that well, he was more Harry and Ron's friend than mine. He stopped in front of us, his eyes travelling from me to Cedric, his smile not reaching his eyes. "Ron sent me to see what was taking ye so long."

Cedric smiled, taking the hint. "I should go find my dad. Will I see you at the game, Clara?"

"I'll be the only dark haired Weasley there, can't miss me."

As soon as Cedric was out of sight, Seamus and I began walking towards the Weasley's tent. There was a moment of silence, before he cleared his throat. "Is Cedric Diggory your boyfriend?"

Slightly taken aback by his question, I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "No, we just met."

Strangely enough, he seemed relieved at my answer. "Our tent's right next to yours."

I smiled politely, not knowing what to say or why he was telling me this. Much to my relief, we finally reached the tents and I had an excuse not to answer him.

Hermione and Ginny grinned knowingly at me, as Seamus said goodbye and made his way to Harry and Ron.

"He clearly fancies you," Ginny's tone was one of amusement.

"Who?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Seamus Finnigan!"

I was taken aback by their observation. Seamus had hardly talked to me in the three years we had been at Hogwarts. "Don't be daft, he's Ron's friend."

Not wanting to hear more of their wild theories, I escaped to the safety of the crowd of boys, pitching the tent.

* * *

I was unable to keep my eyes off her. No matter how hard Pansy clung to me and fluttered her eyelashes, my attention was solely focused on Clara. My temper had flared when she had entered the campgrounds with some handsome, older boy and the fact that she was now walking with that pinhead, Seamus Finnigan did nothing to soothe me. All I needed now was for Potter to make a move and I would probably explode.

Finally, I managed to shake off Pansy by ordering her to go fetch me something to drink. Predictable as ever, she scurried to do my bidding and I was free to move about the crowd, keeping an eye on Clara. She was too occupied setting up the tent to notice me staring. The Finnigan boy kept throwing glances her way from the next tent over. It took all of my strength not to walk over there and hex him.

Without warning, Clara left the group and walked towards the woods surrounding the campground. My heart leapt, this was my chance to confront her. Slinking through the shadows, I followed her as quietly as possible.

Clara finally came to a stop in front of a huge pine tree. With her back to me, she leaned forward to rest her forehead against its trunk. I wasn't sure what I was doing or why I wanted to confront her. I knew she owed me no answers but a part of me felt entitled to them either way. It didn't help that Clara was like a magnet, I had never been able to stay away from her. It was as if I were under some sinister love spell and there was nothing I could do to fight it. No matter how hard I tried, the image of her dominated my thoughts and dreams and every fiber of my being ached for her.

I couldn't stand it any longer, without thinking, I closed the distance and grabbed a hold of her arm. Startled, she spun around to face me and flinched at the expression on my face.

"Who were you with?!" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself and her expression hardened.

"Cedric Diggory," her answer was curt.

"Is he your boyfriend?!"

"Who are you to ask me that?!" she practically screamed at me, her eyes blazing. "You were nice to me once and suddenly you're talking like you own me! I don't owe you anything, Malfoy!"

My anger was becoming too much to bear. I grabbed both of her arms hard enough that it scared her. The fear in her eyes felt like a knife through my chest. She was the only person I didn't want to look at me that way. With my anger now replaced by hurt and regret, I released my grip on her. Confusion flashed behind her eyes as she took a step back.

What had I just done? Had I driven her away forever? For the first time in my life, I was unable to speak and after several minutes of silence, Clara turned to walk away from me. Desperate for her to stay, I grabbed ahold of her arm once more and yanked her to me. Her breath caught in her throat as our bodies pressed together. She bit her lip and I was overcome with the urge to kiss her. A shiver ran down my spine. I wanted her.

Suddenly, a twig broke somewhere behind us and Clara pushed me away. My head was still reeling from her closeness, when Weasley came around a bend. His eyes traveled slowly from me to Clara and I could tell he was ready to murder me.

"Are you alright, Clara?" Ron's voice was tight and I couldn't help but wonder if he had seen anything of what transpired between us.

Clara kept her eyes on her cousin, refusing to look at me. "Yes, Ron. Malfoy was just leaving." There was venom in her voice when she spoke my name.

"This is none of your business, Weasel-bee," I snapped without taking my eyes off of Clara.

"The hell it is, Malfoy!" Ron's voice was trembling with anger. "You leave my cousin alone or the next time I see you, I'm going to break every bone in your body!"

It was a fight I couldn't win and I knew it. Ron wasn't the kind of person to hurt you with words, he would do it with his fists, and with him being more muscular than I was, I didn't stand a chance. Seething with humiliation, I walked away without a word.

* * *

My encounter with Draco left me feeling uneasy for the rest of the night. Whatever it was that was happening between us, was becoming too intense for me to handle. One moment, I was afraid he might hurt me and the next I was almost certain he was going to kiss me. The most confusing part, was that I had wanted him to.

Thankfully, Ron hadn't seen anything that happened before I pushed Draco away, and was clueless to how close his cousin had come to kissing the boy he loathed. I wondered if Ron was going to start acting more and more like an overprotective big brother as we got older. He hadn't said anything about me wandering off alone, but I knew he would give me a lecture the next time we were alone and the knowledge irritated me beyond belief.

After a few intense hours, the game ended. Darkness had fallen, as people poured out of the stadium, celebrating Ireland's victory. The campground was filled with happy shouts and laughter. Cedric and Seamus joined us for a celebration in our tent and Ron was too busy going on and on about Viktor Krum to pay attention to me sitting in between the two boys, having a nice conversation. Occasionally, my shoulder would brush one of theirs, almost as if they were scooting closer on purpose. It didn't help that Ginny and Hermione kept throwing me knowing glances. What was wrong with everyone tonight?

Laughter filled the tent, as Fred and George accused Ron of being in love with Krum and I took the opportunity to go stand with the girls.

Our fun ended abruptly when uncle Arthur came bursting in, looking alarmed. "We need to leave."

Next thing we knew, there were loud bangs and cracks outside.

"Sounds like people are getting rowdy," Ron chuckled jovially.

Arthur grabbed his son by the arm. "It's not people celebrating! A group of Death Eaters are attacking the camp!"

And with the utterance of those words, our night quickly transformed from safe and uncomplicated, to terror and chaos. I watched the color drain from every face around me as if in slow motion. Panic rose in my gut, making me queasy. I was barely present when Seamus grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the tent after the others. The scene that greeted us outside was horrific; tents were on fire and people were screaming and running for their lives. Beyond the crowds of panicked people, I saw them; a group of wizards dressed in dark robes and terrifying masks.

There was no time to think, no time to freeze. We began running in the opposite direction. I was being pushed and shoved from every direction by the panicked stampede of people trying to get away. Seamus' grip on my hand tightened. Soon, however, someone knocked me over, ripping our hands apart.

"Clara!" I could hear Seamus' panicked call, as he was being swept away by the crowd.

I tried to stand but was nearly trampled by people running for their lives. The only thing I could do was crawl behind a stack of barrels yet to catch fire. My body trembled with fear, my breathing rapid and unstable. Was I going to die here? the thought of never seeing my loved ones again caused a tear to spill from my eye. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the barrels behind me. My mind was racing but my thoughts weren't coherent, all I knew was an overwhelming fear.

I have no idea how long I sat there and waited for death, every breath felt like an eternity. Eventually, the noise died down and all I could hear was the crackling of flames.

"Clara?!" the panicked voice broke through the silence, but I couldn't move or speak.

And then he was there; kneeling beside me in the dirt, his face was smeared with soot and his usually perfectly groomed hair a mess atop his head.

Draco embraced me tightly, desperately. "You weren't with your family! I thought you were dead!"

It was as if his arms started a tidal wave within me. Reality came crashing down and before I knew it, I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. "I thought they would find me…"

"I won't let them touch you, I won't let anyone touch you."

I had never seen Draco so gentle and passionate at the same time, he cupped my face gently, examining me from head to toe. I was too shaken by the nights events to be confused by his behavior.

"Harry?! Clara?!" the frantic voices of Ron and Seamus shattered the moment.

"They can't see you," was all I could say.

Draco nodded and reluctantly let me go. He looked around to make sure the coast was clear before slinking into the shadows. With a deep breath to steady myself, I stood and looked around. In the distance, I could see Ron and Seamus searching the rubble.

"Over here!" my voice was hoarse from the smoke and crying but they heard me.

I walked towards the two familiar figures, my legs still shaky. Ron broke into a run, and when we reached each other, he threw his arms around me.

"I'm glad you're alright, I nearly panicked when I couldn't find you or Harry anywhere."

"Harry's missing?"

Ron nodded darkly and I could tell he was afraid the Death Eaters had captured, or killed him. "I'm sure he's fine," I tried to sound reassuring, but couldn't keep the fear I was feeling from seeping into my voice.

"Clara," Seamus spoke my name cautiously. He stood behind Ron, shuffling his feet awkwardly. "Sorry I couldn't hold on to ye." There was regret in his voice.

I flashed him a weak smile, hoping to ease his mind. "It wasn't your fault, there was nothing you could have done different."

"Thanks for trying to keep her safe, you're a proper mate, Seamus." Ron seemed genuinely grateful and without a hint of doubt that Seamus had tried to protect me for any other reason than them being friends.

I hardly noticed the exchange that followed, because I was too busy staring at the sky in horror. There, in bold green, was the dark mark.

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

I spent the last few weeks of summer with an uneasy feeling hanging over me. Most people wanted to believe that the attack and the appearance of the dark mark was an isolated incident, but my family and I had other suspicions. Something had shifted that night and the world seemed darker and more dangerous. It felt like something inevitable was coming.

The night before school started, I made my way through the woods to the small, abandoned hut where I picked up mum's letters. As I got closer, I saw a light in one of the windows. My heart beating faster with each step, I walked slowly towards the hut, with the intention to peek in through the window.

As I passed the door, something moved inside and I froze with fear. A moment later, the door flew open. "It's about time, I've been waiting a while!" I breathed a sigh of relief at mum's familiar voice. I turned to find her looking me up and down, her eyes intense.

Wanting to get away from her inspecting gaze, I stepped past her into the small room. A fire burned brightly in the small fireplace making the hut seem almost cozy. Despite the heat, I found myself shivering.

"I haven't heard from you in a while," there was concern in her voice and suddenly, it all fell into place. She had been worried when I hadn't written in a few weeks, causing her to wonder if something had befallen me.

With a sad smile, I turned to face her. "I'm sorry. It's been hard to do much of anything since-" I stopped myself before the words came tumbling out. I still hadn't told mum that I had been at the World Cup the night of the attack and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Since what?" Her gaze was piercing now, as if she were trying to see through the walls of my skull and straight into my thoughts.

I would have to tell her. "I was at the World Cup the night of the Death Eater attack."

Her eyes widened, shock and fear written on her face. She stared at me in silence for a long moment. I imagined her mind was going through an array of mum-emotions. For a moment, I thought I saw a flash of guilt cross her face.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going?"

That was not the reaction I had been expecting. To be honest, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, not having grown up with a mother, but I knew that wasn't it. I shrugged and stared at my feet, feeling bad about what I was about to say. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but felt the sudden need to be honest. "No offense, but I don't trust you yet." She didn't say anything and I couldn't look at her. "Dad told me you were dead and then you show up out of nowhere and tell me that he was lying. The thing is, dad and I are close, we've had to be since it's just the two of us, and the person I know wouldn't have done something so petty."

There was a deep sigh, followed by silence. I gathered up the courage to look at her and saw a tear falling down her cheek. In an instant, I felt like a horrible person.

She took a seat at the small table and motioned for me to sit down in the chair next to her. With a sinking feeling, I did, awaiting her words with fear.

"Your father didn't lie because he was petty," she drew a deep breath, like what she was about to say was something incredibly difficult. "Your father lied to protect you."

My stomach dropped at her words. "Protect me from what?"

"When you were a baby, I became severely depressed. I had been a successful career woman and now your father expected me to be a housewife like your aunt Molly. I couldn't do it, I wasn't strong enough." Silent tears were now flowing freely down her face and I had to look away. "I started drinking to cope and I became a danger to you. After I dropped you down the stairs when you were three your father had had enough. We sat down and talked about it and both agreed that I wasn't cut out to be a mother. I agreed to leave and for him to tell you I was dead."

I swallowed hard. Her words had opened vague memories of broken bones and blood, but I couldn't remember the details. Could that have been from me falling down the stairs?

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

"Would you have if you were me?" She let the question hang in the silence for a moment. "I was ashamed of how selfish I had been."

An overwhelming sadness hit me like a tidal wave. It was one thing to think your mother was dead, but another to know that she had voluntarily left you because you couldn't make her happy. I fought the tears tooth and nail, I didn't want to cry in front of her.

"I am so sorry, Clara. I was too young to be a mother, too young to make the sacrifice and I regret it every single day."

Suddenly, I felt as though the very air in the room was suffocating me. I stood quickly, knocking down the chair I had been sitting on. "I need some time, I will send an owl when I'm ready to talk."  
I ran out of the hut, never looking back. The hurt was so overwhelming and I knew that if I stopped running, I would break down. So, I kept on running until my legs could run no further. I had no idea where I was or how far I'd ran. I think I saw the Burrow in the distance, but wasn't sure. Trying to catch my breath, I collapsed against a tree, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

"Clara?" the familiar voice startled me, but did nothing to ease my tears.

Before I knew what was happening, Seamus had wrapped his arms around me. "What's wrong?" His voice was so full of concern it was touching and I found myself clinging to him for dear life. It didn't matter that we hardly knew each other, he was there and that was enough.

I couldn't tell him what had happened, I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone. Instead, I let him hold me until my body was too tired to cry anymore.

* * *

I watched from across the platform, as Seamus Finnigan practically threw himself at Clara. _My Clara._ He hung on her every word and took advantage of any excuse to touch her. Anger mixed with jealousy and had we not been in such a public place, I would have done something rash. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to calm down. I had to act like a Malfoy and keep up the Malfoy name in public.

Once the train was moving, I set off in search of Clara. I would wait until she was alone and force her to talk to me. I would tell her that I hadn't been able to stop thinking about the night of the attack and that I had meant what I had said about not letting anyone touch her.

Unfortunately, just as I heard her familiar voice and my heart leapt in my chest, I saw Finnigan, heading in the direction of her compartment, a box of cheap chocolates in hand. He looked nervous and I knew immediately what he was about to do.

Before he spotted me, I turned my back and scowled at a group of second years, sending them scampering away as quickly as their little feet would go.

"Hiya, Clara," Seamus spoke brightly. "I brought ye some chocolates from the trolley."

I rolled my eyes, did he really think she would be seduced by cheap chocolates from the trolley.

"Thanks, those are my favorites!" Clara sounded genuinely delighted and a low growl escaped my throat.

"I'm going to go find the trolley, I have a sudden sweet tooth as well." I listened to the retreating footsteps of Lavender, before casually making my way closer to the compartment door and spying on Clara and Seamus. He was sitting across from her, a coy smile on his face.

"I wanted to thank you," her voice was soft and gentle.

"Lucky I was visiting Ron and Harry when I was," Seamus spoke, slightly awkwardly. "You can cry on me shoulder anytime."

The thought of Finnigan comforting Clara made my insides boil. What was this? Why couldn't I just forget about her? There were other pretty girls at school, Pansy Parkinson wasn't bad looking and she had been chasing me since first year, why couldn't I feel as drawn to her as I did Clara? The way she was now smiling at Finnigan was killing me and I had to turn away. The two kept talking but I could no longer pay attention.

"Harry and Ron were looking for you, Seamus," Lavender had returned.

Seamus left and on a whim, I decided to follow. I didn't have a plan, letting my anger lead me instead. Spotting Crabbe and Goyle on the way, I nodded for them to follow, in case things went badly and I needed the help.

Seamus entered an empty compartment. Thoughts of him and Clara swirled in my mind, making me more enraged by the minute. Without thinking, I entered the compartment and slammed the door shut behind me. Finnigan wheeled around to face me, confusion and disgust on his face.

"Malfoy?"

My teeth clenched and my hands balled into fists. How dare he throw himself at Clara? He didn't deserve her. Before I knew what was happening, I had punched him square in the face, sending him flying into the window behind him.

"What the hell?!" Finnigan yelled, holding his bloody nose.

Before I could say anything, Weasley burst through the door, ready to fight. He must have been returning just in time to see me punch his friend. I backed away, knowing full well I couldn't take him on my own. Just as he was about to deliver the blow, Crabbe and Goyle burst through the door and grabbed him by his arms. With nasty grins on their faces, they urged me to punch him.

I sneered. Weasley was furious, cursing at me. It would be so easy to hit him, to beat the living daylights out of him. I took a step towards him. I could hear Finnigan scrambling to his feet behind me and knew he would try to stop me. With a grin, I whipped my wand out and cast the petrifying charm on him. I heard him hit the floor. Now there was nothing standing between me and Weasley.

Crabbe and Goyle cackled nastily the more he struggled. It was so tempting, but suddenly, there she was, standing behind Crabbe and Goyle, an outraged look on her face.

"Leave him alone!" her voice was unusually commanding and I swallowed hard. No matter how much I hated Weasley, he was her family and she would never forgive me if I hurt him.

"Let him go," I heard myself say, forgetting about my reputation and the Malfoy name.

Crabbe and Goyle stared at me, dumbstruck. "What?"

"I said let him go, idiots!"

The two released a very confused Weasley. Clara stared at me, her eyes unreadable. I wanted to say something, anything, but my cowardice got the better of me and I pushed past Weasley without saying a word.

* * *

"It was weird," Ron was telling Harry what he had missed, while off looking for Cho Chang. "He had the chance to punch me and didn't take it! I'm telling you, something strange is going on with Malfoy."

I hadn't been able to look Ron in the eyes the entire time we'd been sitting in the compartment. Overwhelming shame plagued me. I knew Draco had stopped himself when he had seen me and while I was glad Ron was OK, I knew that I needed to get away from this thing that Draco and I had going on.

I had fixed Seamus' broken nose with a simple spell and was now helping him wipe the blood off his face. He fixed me with a piercing stare, making me nervous.

"Why did Malfoy punch me?" he asked, quiet enough for me to hear.

I shrugged nervously. "Why would I know?"

"Because I think it has something to do with ye. I saw his eyes, he was ready to bludgeon Ron 'til he saw ye."

I couldn't say that I was surprised. Someone was bound to figure us out sooner or later, that's what happens when you play with fire; no matter how hard you try, you always end up getting burned.

"I- I-" I let out a frustrated sigh and made sure Harry and Ron weren't listening. "I think Malfoy has a crush on me."

Seamus' eyes widened. "Ye haven't-?"

"Of course not! Don't be daft, he is Draco Malfoy. I'm not the least bit interested." A part of me thought that if I kept repeating the lie, it would eventually come true.

Seamus smiled, clearly relieved. "I'm sorry, I know ye wouldn't."

His words felt like a slap in the face. I was beginning to feel more and more like a fraud and a liar, the deeper involved with Draco I got. I wasn't an expert at love, but I was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to make you feel lousy and ashamed.

I looked over at Ron and thanked Merlin that he was incredibly thick sometimes. It would take a lot for him to begin suspecting that Malfoy's odd behavior had anything to do with me.

* * *

The new school year began with Dumbledore announcing that Hogwarts would be hosting the legendary Triwizard tournament. No student under the age of seventeen was allowed to participate, as per a new ministry rule. Most of the boys were outraged, wanting a chance at the glory that came with winning the tournament. The three chosen champions were Fleur Delacour from Beuxbatons, Victor Krum from Durmstrang and Cedric Diggory. Of course, as these things always seemed to go, somehow Harry's name had ended up in the goblet and he was chosen as Hogwarts' second champion.

Ron threw a temper tantrum, believing Harry had put his name in the goblet and purposefully not told him about it. He was being an idiot and I took every chance I had to tell him so. The animosity between the two made things awkward for poor Hermione. The rest of us had made an attempt to stay out of it, but Ron expected us to be outraged at Harry on his behalf. It was stupid and I refused to be a part of it.

A month had gone by without the two even so much as greeting each other and I had resigned myself to making sure that I was never in the same room with either of them, unless it was for a class. My avoidance technique had worked well, until one morning, when I made my way down for breakfast. A crowd had gathered in the entrance hall, seemingly to observe something that was happening. I stood up on my toes, trying to see over the heads of the taller students.

"There's a picture, Weasley!" Draco's excited voice rang over the crowd and I knew instantly it meant trouble. "It's a picture of your parents standing outside their house. If you can call it a house! Your mother could do with losing a bit of weight, couldn't she?"

I pushed through the crowd just in time to see Draco's nasty sneer, as he held up a newspaper in front of Ron, who was shaking with fury, his hands balled into fists. Anger built up inside me once more. Draco was certainly making it easier for me to forget all about him.

Hurrying to Ron's side before he could lunge himself at Draco, I placed a calming hand on his shoulder. Draco's face turned pale at the sight of me but I refused to meet his eyes. "Come on, Ron," I spoke as calmly as I could, pulling him with me into the parting crowd.

"Do you want to come sit with me and Lav?"

Ron shook his head, still trying to stifle his anger. "I'll sit with Seamus, but thanks."

Seamus smiled and nodded in greeting, as I watched Ron take a seat across from him. I flashed him a friendly smile and made my way towards Lavender. She was so busy ogling the Durmstrang boys, who were sitting further down, that she hardly even noticed me.

"Morning, Lav."

"Morning," she mumbled, never taking her eyes off the boys.

"Forgotten all about my cousin then, have you?" I grinned teasingly, but quickly realized she wasn't even listening. With an eyeroll, I began loading up my plate with all of my favorite breakfast foods.

A swarm of owls swooped into the Great Hall, dropping letters and packages on the tables in front of their recipients. Lavender finally turned her attention back to our table, when an owl dropped a big package in front of her. Just when I thought no one had sent me anything, a small grey owl flew overhead and dropped a rolled-up piece of parchment right into my eggs. With a groan, I picked it up and unfurled it.

 _Meet me at the top of the Astronomy Tower tonight, midnight._

 _-D._

I felt queasy and was glad Lavender was distracted by the gifts she had received from home. Draco must have sent the note before this morning's scene with Ron. He must have realized as soon as he saw me that I had no intention of meeting him. I slipped the note into my pocket and finished my breakfast.

Despite having decided not to meet him, I couldn't help but wonder why Draco wanted to see me. Did he want to talk about the night of the World Cup? Did he want to resume from where we had left off? But where exactly had we left off? Annoyed with myself, I spent the entire day reminding myself that he had been particularly nasty to Ron and said some hurtful things about my family.

* * *

At ten minutes to midnight, I slid out of my bed and pulled my Gryffindor robes on over my pajamas. With my heart beating loudly in my chest, I made my way through the quiet hallways towards the Astronomy Tower. I told myself I only wanted to let him have it, to defend my family, but it was a lie and I knew it. The truth, as always, was that I just wanted to see him.

As I climbed the winding staircase, the anticipation of seeing him began to build, until finally, my legs were shaking and my heart beating so loudly I was sure you could hear it echoing through the entire tower.

I stood atop the stairs, staring at the back of his blonde head, an invisible force pulling me towards him. Draco turned to face me, a smirk on his face. "I knew you'd come." There was a confidence in his voice that reminded me of the first time he had spoken to me three years ago.

I walked to stand next to him, immediately regretting it. It was hard to focus with him standing so close, the scent of him overpowering all of my senses. In an instant, I had forgotten everything I wanted to say.

"I brought you something," Draco continued and pulled out a small, fancy looking box. "They're the most exclusive chocolates in all of Europe, I had them owled to me straight from Belgium."

"I- you shouldn't have." Taken aback by the gift, I stared at the box in his hands.

"Please, I saw those cheap things Finnigan got you on the train. You deserve better."

Of course. He wasn't being thoughtful, he was trying to outdo Seamus. A slow, hot anger began building in the pit of my stomach. "Seamus knew those were my favorites," my voice was curt.

Draco scoffed. "He was just too poor to get you better."

"Is that what you think I care about, money?!" My anger had exploded and I could no longer hold my tongue. Draco looked shocked, but there was no stopping me now. "Seamus is sweet and thoughtful and he listens to me! He doesn't spend his time putting others down to make himself seem better!"

"I don't-" Draco began to protest, but I didn't want to hear it.

"I actually wanted to thank you for letting Ron go on the train but then I saw you with him this morning! How dare you insult my family and then expect me to just succumb to your charms?! I can't believe what an idiot I've been to even entertain the thought that you might be anything more than a pathetic, self-centered, prick!"

Without thinking, I snatched the box of chocolates out of his hands and threw it into the night. So angry that I was breathing hard, I stood and stared him down without fear. I was sure Draco would begin screaming any minute, but he didn't. Instead, he stared at me wordlessly, his eyes unreadable.

"What is the meaning of this?!"

I turned to face the person standing at the top of the stairs and my heart dropped in an instant. It was the Slytherin prefect. A slow grin spread across his lips as he took in the scene. "You two are coming with me."

* * *

"What were you thinking, boy?!" I could hear Snape yelling behind the closed door. "Sneaking out after hours and getting caught with a _Gryffindor_! A Weasley, no less!"

If Draco spoke, he did it quiet enough that I couldn't hear. I sat in the potions classroom, awaiting professor McGonagall and my punishment.

How had it come to this? I had never been in trouble at school before and now, I was sneaking around after hours meeting up with the prince of Slytherin. I could only imagine the scolding I would get from Ron. I couldn't help but groan at the thought, I had come to really hate it when he behaved like he was my parent, rather than my cousin.

The door flew open and professor McGonagall entered, a robe hastily pulled on over her nightdress. Disbelief and disappointment mixed in her eyes, as she fixed me with a hard stare.

"Clara Weasley. When they told me I thought for sure there had been some sort of mistake."

I had no words to defend myself, how could I. With my eyes firmly fixed on the floor, I balled my hands into fists and willed myself not to cry. It seemed to be a vicious cycle, my encounters with Draco always left me feeling deeply ashamed of myself.

The door leading to Snape's office opened. "Ah, Minerva," Snape spoke in his usual cold tone. "Since these two enjoy breaking the rules together, I suggest they serve their punishment together."

My eyes caught a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye and I knew it was Draco. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, anger still simmering somewhere deep inside me. This was all his fault.

McGonagall's mouth was now a thin line. She glanced at me and then back to Snape. "What do you propose, Severus?"

I glanced at Snape, an almost sadistic grin played on his lips. "I believe both miss Weasley and mister Malfoy are having some trouble in my class. Perhaps they should work together and write, say, a forty-inch essay on the most useful magical herbs and plants."

"No! Please, you can't!" the panicked words had left my mouth before I even had a chance to think. If people saw me working with Draco, they would become suspicious. How would I explain to Ron that I had to write an essay with his sworn enemy?!

McGonagall raised her eyebrow, staring at me. "Oh, can't we? I believe your reaction proves that it is exactly the proper sort of punishment."

My eyes met Draco's and I could tell he was thinking exactly what I was thinking; that this would only serve to start rumors and gossip about the two of us. Perhaps Snape suspected that we were in a relationship and was hoping that the embarrassment would scare us into breaking up. Professors weren't supposed to get involved in students' personal lives, but I could only imagine the kind of trouble Snape would be in if Lucius Malfoy were to find out that his son had begun seeing a Gryffindor girl on his watch. If only I could make Snape see that Draco and I were definitely not involved.

We were dismissed and professor McGonagall insisted on walking me back to Gryffindor Tower.

"Please, professor!" I pleaded, as we made our way up the stone staircase. "This will only serve to cause trouble between me and Ron!"

McGonagall stopped without warning and turned to me, no sympathy on her face. "Perhaps you should have thought of that before you snuck out of bed to meet with mister Malfoy!" McGonagall wasn't stupid and I knew exactly how our secret meeting looked to her.

There was no getting out of this. Both Snape and McGonagall suspected that there was something going on between the two of us, and no amount of protesting would make them see reason.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and thank you to everyone who follows this story! Please don't be shy about leaving some feedback, I would love to hear what you like and dislike about the story!**

 **A special thank you to the very awesome and talented Drumboy100 who not only proofread this chapter, but also gave me some of the ideas for it!**


	7. Chapter 7

**If you've stuck around for this long; I thank you for your patience! I've been struggling with severe writer's block lately and would like to extend a special thank you, once again, to Drumboy100, who continues to help me get through!  
This chapter has a small part written in Seamus' POV. I'm not planning on making it a regular thing, it was just something that I felt this particular part of the story needed to move forward. **

* * *

The whispers started immediately. By the next morning, the whole school was talking about how Ron Weasley's cousin had been caught sneaking around with Draco Malfoy. It was quite the scandal. It would seem that the Slytherin prefect who had caught us was competing with Draco for top Slytherin and wanted to tarnish his reputation. He had "accidentally" let the story slip in front of some of the biggest gossips in school. Unfortunately, by the time I figured out that all those whispers were about me, it was too late.

I was out for my Saturday morning jog, when I came across a group of older students from various houses. I recognized Cedric and smiled at him as I passed. Suddenly, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. Cedric had followed me and was now standing in front of me looking awkward.

"Are the rumors true?" he asked, without so much as a greeting.

"What rumors?"

He lowered his head towards me and spoke in hushed tones. "They're saying you got caught sneaking around with Draco Malfoy last night. It's all over school."

My heart stopped and for a moment, I thought I would faint. If the rumors were all over school, it was only a matter of time before Ron heard them. Maybe he already had. My stomach turned sickeningly. Cedric kept staring at me, expecting an answer.

"I- er- it's- well…"

"Well what, Clara? Is it true or not?"

I drew a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. I steeled myself. "Malfoy has this strange obsession with me, he wanted to meet and I went to go tell him off."

Cedric didn't look like he was buying it. "Look, Clara, you need to be careful with Malfoy."

I nodded, eager to escape his knowing stare and this conversation. "I know, Cedric. I'll see you later."

In my eagerness to escape, I didn't allow him a chance to say anything further. With shaky legs, I ran back to the castle, trying to appear normal and not in a hurry. Once inside, I ran up the grand staircase towards Gryffindor tower. I would spend the day hiding out in my room. It wasn't a good plan at all, but it was the only one I could think of.

I should have known it wasn't going to be that simple. Before I reached the portrait of the fat lady, someone grabbed my arm from behind and yanked me into an empty classroom. I didn't need to turn around to face him, to know that it was the one person whose reaction I feared the most.

"Bloody hell, Clara! Have you gone completely mental?!"

I had dreaded this moment since I had realized my attraction to Draco and had spent countless hours trying to come up with convincing lies and excuses. Now that the moment had come, I could think of none. My hands trembled and my breathing was growing louder. I had to calm down or Ron wouldn't believe anything I had to say.

"This whole thing is being blown out of proportion!" the words tumbled out of my mouth out of pure desperation.

"Oh really? What possible explanation could you have for meeting Malfoy after hours, _alone_?!"

"I just- I didn't know it was him until I got there! I got an anonymous note to meet and I thought it might be a boy who liked me."

"Who would like you?!"

I could tell Ron realized immediately how his words sounded and regretted them deeply. But to throw suspicion off myself, I latched onto his words and glared at him in mock anger.

"Thanks a lot, Ronald! You don't think anyone could possibly ever like me?!"

"That's not what I meant-"

"No? Well it's what you said and I'm done with this conversation! I don't have to justify myself to you or to anyone else!" I stormed out of the bathroom without looking back, feeling guilty that I had made Ron feel terrible. What kind of a person was Draco turning me into? Or was this a part of my personality that I had managed to keep buried for all these years?

I forced the thoughts out of my head and took refuge in the only part of the school that I knew was always empty; the girls' bathroom on the second floor. 

* * *

"Draco!" Without even looking, I knew that Pansy was angry. Her footsteps stopped right next to me but I continued eating my breakfast as if she wasn't there. "Is it true, have you really been sneaking around with that Weasley girl?!"

"So, what if I have, Pansy?" I spoke with a bored tone, not wanting to show that she was making me angry. "Why would it be any of your business if I had?"

I could imagine the stricken look on her face perfectly. "Because I thought-"

"You thought what, that you and I were a couple? I let you chase me around because it amuses me but I do not have to answer to you or to anyone else about what I do and who I choose to do it with."

There was a pathetic whimper, as Pansy burst into tears and ran out of the Great Hall. I should have felt guilty, Pansy had never done anything but show interest in me, but guilt wasn't an emotion that was within my capabilities. And I didn't do well with people who felt I owed them anything, let alone answers for my behavior. I would smooth things over with her later and it would be easy.

I had been in a foul mood all morning. That git, Patrick Mulligan hadn't been able to keep his mouth shut and now the whole school knew about me and Clara meeting last night. The gossip was wild, it ranged from blackmail to a secret romance, most people seemed to believe the latter. If father were to hear about this he would not be happy.

I couldn't help but groan, as I thought of Snape's punishment. While a part of me was happy to be spending more time with Clara, I knew that us working together would only stir more rumors and speculation. No one would believe that it was for detention, it wasn't like Snape to let students get off that easy.

Having suddenly lost my appetite, I pushed my plate aside and left the Great Hall behind. I was growing weary of people whispering and glancing at me as I walked past and needed to go somewhere, where I knew I could be alone for a time.

Determined, I headed straight towards the girls bathroom on the second floor. No one ever went in there because of Moaning Myrtle. As I passed groups of students, it was hard to ignore the whispers and stares and my thoughts drifted back to the night before. I couldn't understand what had Clara so upset, I was only trying to give her something she deserved. She couldn't possibly think that Finnigan's cheap chocolates were better than the expensive ones I had tried to give her.

As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I could hear a faint sniffling coming from inside. I frowned, it didn't sound like Moaning Myrtle. I should have turned and walked away, but curiosity got the better of me and I crept towards the row of stalls as quietly as I could.

Clara was sitting on the floor, leaning against one of the stalls, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her hands. Her body shook with quiet sobs and my heart lurched. I felt the sudden need to comfort her, everything else suddenly forgotten, even the part where she had insulted me.

As quietly as I could, I made my way towards her. Just as I was getting close, her head whipped up and she was looking straight at me, her face tearstained. A look of anger flashed on her face, but it was as if she didn't have the energy to sustain it. Her face sank back into her hands and she continued to cry.

Not sure what to do, I sat next to her, so close that our shoulders brushed, sending pleasant shivers down my spine.

"Are you alright?" I heard myself asking.

Without warning, she leaned her head onto my shoulder and I froze. She was so close and the scent of her was intoxicating. It blasted all of my senses, leaving me feeling slightly disoriented. As if I had lost control of my body, I felt myself wrap an arm around her shoulder.

Clara nestled up against me and my heart began beating faster. It was a strange feeling, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I had always seen girls as trophies, something to be shown off and then discarded when the novelty wore off. Things were different with Clara. All I wanted was to be close to her.

I touched her face gently. She lifted her head to meet my eyes, our noses almost touching. Unable to hold back, I leaned in slowly, brushing my lips against hers. A soft gasp escaped her lips and I knew she wanted this as much as I did.

* * *

Draco's lips pressed softly, but confidently, against mine, awakening every nerve in my body. Letting go of all of my fears for the first time in a long time, I kissed him back. In this forgotten bathroom, it was as if we were the only two people who had ever existed and for once we were free to do and say whatever we wished. His lips were soft and warm against mine, his breath tickling my face pleasantly.

I didn't know why I had cuddled up to him for comfort. Maybe I was just tired of trying to fight the attraction that never seemed to fade, no matter what either of us said or did.

Too soon, he pulled away from the kiss and what was left was an awkward silence, neither one of us knowing what to say. My mind raced a million miles a minute. I had just had my first kiss and it had been with Draco Malfoy of all people. I stared straight ahead, his arm still snaked around my shoulder, my body still nestled close to his.

"Does this mean you're ready to apologize?" I could hear the smirk in his voice without looking.

"Apologize for what?" I frowned.

"For throwing my very generous gift off the tower."

In an instant, all the anger I had felt before came rushing back. I jerked away from him and stood, looking down at his confused face.

"You are unbelievable! What on earth gave you the impression that I could be bought, like I was some trinket you saw in a shop and decided you wanted?!"

Draco stood, anger flashing behind his cool, blue eyes. "You should appreciate it when someone gives you a gift," his voice shook slightly and I could tell he was making an effort to contain most of his anger.

"Yes, when it is a nice and thoughtful gift, not when you're just trying to compete with Seamus!"

"You seriously prefer Finnigan over _me_ , Draco Malfoy?!"

I drew a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. There it was again; him speaking his own name like it was a badge of honor. "Right now, yes." A silence followed my words, Draco's nostrils practically flaring with anger, as he struggled to process my words. "I'm not impressed by your wealth or your name or even your looks and you need to get that through your thick head!"

As my words sank in, genuine confusion crossed his face. It was as if the thought that someone would want him for anything other than his money and name had never even crossed his mind. Draco opened his mouth to speak but it was too late, the damage was done. Not wanting to hear what he had to say, I turned my back and rushed out the door, hoping he wouldn't follow. He didn't.

* * *

A good night's sleep had done nothing to kill the gossip. Not even the fact that it was Sunday and that our first trip to Hogsmeade was only a short time away, was enough to distract the students from me and Draco. Ron was in as foul a mood as ever, now avoiding both Harry and me. To be honest, I was glad. Not only did I feel guilty for our fight, Draco and I were also the last thing I wanted to talk- or think- about.

"Clara," Lavender waved her hand in front of my face. "What's the matter with you? It's not like you not to eat."

I forced a smile at the concerned look on her face. "Just tired. How mad would you be if I stayed here today?"

Her eyes bore into me, making me feel uncomfortable. "I'm your best friend and I love you, but you need to stop." She sighed exasperated at the confused expression on my face. "You've been told to stay away from Draco, that he's trouble, but you chose to ignore the warnings and now you have to live with the consequences."

I didn't know what to say. I knew she was right, there was no one to blame for this but me, but her reaction irritated me. I couldn't help but glower at her. "Lavender," I began, but was quickly distracted by the sight of Pansy Parkinson talking to Seamus. I narrowed my eyes, what was she up to?

Without a word, I arose from the table and made my way slowly towards the two. Seamus spotted me first and his eyes widened in panic. Clearly, this was something he didn't want me to hear.

"It's been going on since third year," Pansy spoke with mock concern. "Clara's been throwing herself at poor Drakie like some desperate slag. I thought you deserved to know, I've seen how you look at her, maybe you should focus your attention somewhere else."

Seamus' cheeks turned red at her words and he refused to look at me. I couldn't help but wonder if he believed Pansy's lies. The thought that he might, hurt more than I cared to admit.

"I think you've got me confused with yourself Pansy." Her shoulders tensed at my words, before she turned around to face me. Her mouth was twisted in a sickly, sweet smile, but her eyes flashed with fury.

"I'm not the one who was caught having a secret meeting with Draco in the middle of the night."

I grinned. "And it's killing you that it wasn't you."

Pansy's face turned red and her nostrils flared. For a moment, I thought she might slap me, right then and there. But without saying a word, she stalked off, back to the Slytherin table, leaving me and Seamus with nothing but an awkward silence between us. I knew he liked me, I wasn't completely clueless, and the thought of him thinking less of me made my stomach turn. Before turning to walk away, I flashed him a weak smile.

"Clara," Seamus grabbed a hold of my arm gently. "Would ye- maybe- um…" He blushed furiously and I felt a strange jolt in my chest. I smiled encouragingly, hoping it would give him the courage to say what he wanted to say. "Would ye maybe let me buy ye a butterbeer?"

His question carried more weight than it implied. My answer would decide what my intentions towards him were and would forever change our relationship. My eyes found Draco, he was sitting at the Slytherin table, no doubt spinning some wild tale about something expensive his father had bought him. I was still mad at him and the sight of his arrogant face helped me make up my mind about Seamus. It was time that I got Draco Malfoy out of my head once and for all, and Seamus might be the one to help me pull it off. I looked back at him and smiled.

"I'll see you in the courtyard after breakfast."

His eyes widened slightly with excitement and his smile grew. "Y-yeah, see ya!"

* * *

Pansy's words had hurt, they were out of spite and jealousy but there was a grain of truth hidden between the lines. I wasn't stupid and had seen the way Malfoy looked at Clara when he thought no one was looking. Sometimes, I had caught her staring at him in return, but I wanted to believe it was simply because she was trying to figure out why he was so interested in her.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and grabbed the two butterbeers off the bar. Now was not the time to be thinking of Malfoy, I was finally alone with Clara and I wasn't going to let anything ruin the moment.

Putting on my best smile, I approached the small table in the corner where Clara was waiting. She smiled as I set the drinks down on the table and my heart leapt with joy. Her smile always caused my heart to skip a beat, it had since our third year at Hogwarts. I hadn't paid much attention to girls before that, they had always kind of just been there. It was as if something had shifted that summer and suddenly I was noticing how pretty and interesting girls were.

When I had walked into the Gryffindor common room that first night back at Hogwarts, Clara had been sitting with Lavender by the fire, in the middle of an animated conversation. I remember glancing at her and stopping dead in my tracks, as my heart did a somersault inside my chest. The image of how the light from the fire had hit her face just as she smiled was forever burned into my mind. Right then and there, I had decided that she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and that I needed to get to know her better. I hadn't actually gathered up the courage to do more than stare at her until the Quidditch World Cup when I had seen her talking to Cedric Diggory, and jealousy had gotten the better of me.

But now here we were, sitting by ourselves at The Three Broomsticks, staring at each other across the table and my tongue was tied once again. I had no idea what to say or how to behave. Clara pulled off her hat and shook out her long, dark hair.

"Ye have pretty hair." I could have punched myself in the face right then and there. It was such a stupid thing to say and I felt like a bumbling idiot.

Clara giggled heartily, amused by my unusual compliment. "Would you like to try that again?"

I felt my cheeks flushing furiously. "Sorry, I'm nervous." I wanted to muffle myself. Why did I keep saying these things? What was it about Clara that made me blurt out whatever came to mind?

It was a small relief when Clara's cheeks turned bright pink. She took a drink of her butterbeer, leaving a thin line of foam above her lip. Without thinking, I reached over with a napkin and wiped it off gently. Realizing what I had just done, I quickly removed my hand and placed it in my lap. "Sorry."

Her cheeks had grown a brighter shade of red at my touch. "I didn't mind."

* * *

Once the awkwardness had passed, the conversation flowed naturally. It was as if we had known each other forever. We talked about our families, Seamus told me about Ireland and his childhood. He told me about all the muggle things he'd learned about from his dad.

Too soon, Professor McGonagall came by the inn and informed us that it was time to return to the school. It was already dark when we stepped out into the cold and began the long walk back to the castle. We stayed behind the rest of the group, continuing our conversation.

We had ended up spending the entire day together, walking around Hogsmeade, browsing the shops and stopping to talk to our friends from school. I liked that Seamus knew how to make me laugh without even trying. Spending time with him was beginning to feel comfortable and it was nice to have something a little more predictable for once.

I looked around me at the trees, the red and gold leaves had slowly begun falling in preparation for winter. My lips turned up in a serene smile and I could feel the calm wash over me. Ever since I was a little girl, I had loved nature. Something about running around the woods always made me feel safe.

I felt a hand brush mine, sending a slight shiver up my arm. I turned to look at Seamus just as his fingers entwined with mine. He blushed, as we looked at each other. It wasn't the sparks I felt with Draco, but the hint of a shiver meant that there was hope, and hope was what I needed. I squeezed his hand gently to let him know that I didn't mind, and his face lit up in an instant.

We walked together all the way up to Gryffindor Tower and as we entered through the portrait hole, we found the common room already full. It seemed everyone else had made it back before the two of us. In the midst of the crowded common room, Ron sat alone with a scowl on his face. As soon as his eyes landed on us, he flew out of his seat and came straight for us. My heart stopped and for a split second, I thought I might faint. His eyes were practically shooting sparks from across the room. Next to me, Seamus tensed.

"What is this?!" he practically screamed, causing heads to turn in our direction. "First you sneak around with Malfoy and now one of my mates?!"

"Seamus and I weren't sneaking, Ronald!" I tried to sound firm, but it was hard when I had never seen Ron so angry before.

"I like her, mate," Seamus defended himself calmly.

Ron was fuming. He shoved Seamus hard and I froze. All I could do was watch, as Seamus rebounded and pounced on Ron. The two tumbled to the floor and began throwing punches. A crowd had gathered around us and I could feel anxiety start to build up in the pit of my stomach.

"Stop it!" I tried to yell, but neither one would listen.

Luckily, Harry came rushing through the crowd with Dean Thomas, pulling the two apart. "That's enough, Ron!" Harry's voice was loud and commanding.

Ron yanked himself away from Harry's grip and glared at him in disgust. It would seem the two still weren't speaking.

"I'm sorry," Seamus spoke quietly, his eyes fixed on me.

I was too angry to respond. Instead I turned to Dean. "Take him upstairs, please."

As soon as Seamus was gone, Ron turned his attention to me. "What the hell were you thinking?!" I was taken aback by the anger he projected towards me. "You couldn't have picked someone who wasn't one of my bloody mates?!"

Harry placed his hand on Ron's shoulder. "Ron, you need to calm down, mate." Ron turned to look at Harry. "Seamus isn't a bad guy and you're not Clara's dad."

Slowly, I could see Harry's words sinking in. Ron knew he was defeated, but wasn't ready to apologize, not to me and not to Harry. Instead, he stalked off, leaving me and Harry standing in the middle of a crowd. When they realized there was nothing more to see, people returned to their seats and continued conversing amongst themselves.

"Thanks for that, Harry."

He turned to look at me, genuine concern in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, suddenly exhausted. All I wanted was to escape the crowd and hide under my covers. It was bad enough that the whole school was talking about me and Draco, but now the entire Gryffindor house had seen me with Seamus. It was only a matter of time before Pansy's words of me being a desperate slag would begin ringing true to the whole school.

"Clara?" I looked up at Harry, feeling ashamed. "I don't know what your meeting with Malfoy was about, but I know you're smart enough to be careful around him."

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. Harry was the first person who didn't tell me to be careful, like I was a child who had no idea what they were doing. Of course, it was exactly what I was and the fact that Harry didn't think so just made the feeling of shame that had taken permanent root in the pit of my stomach grow.

"Thank you, Harry," I managed to choke out the words while fighting to hold back tears.

He smiled gently and walked up the staircase to the boys' dormitory, leaving me feeling incredibly alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Monday morning was off to a bad start for me. As soon as I stepped into the Great Hall, the stares and whispers began once more. This time, there were dirty looks and "subtle" comments involved. Pansy Parkinson had been going around, telling everyone who would listen about how I had supposedly thrown myself at Draco and was now throwing myself at Seamus. And while I knew it was a mess my actions had created, I couldn't help but blame Pansy. If she could just stop acting like such a crazy, jealous person everything would have been fine.

Would it have? Beneath Pansy's embellishment and exaggeration, lay a grain of truth. I had chosen to not fight my feelings for Draco and then to let Seamus pursue me. A chill traveled through me. At times it felt like I had become someone I didn't recognize. There were some tough choices ahead of me and I had no idea how to make them.

Seamus smiled at me from his seat next to Dean. He was going to pretend like nothing was wrong, like he hadn't heard the gossip or seen the stares. I appreciated the effort but knew that eventually, it would start getting to him.

"Mornin', Clara!" he greeted me cheerfully, as I approached. "I saved ye a seat."

I glanced around for Lavender but she was nowhere to be seen. It was strange, she hadn't been in our room when I woke up this morning, nor had I seen her in the common room before breakfast. Not having a choice, I grabbed a seat next to Seamus and plastered on a smile.

I tried to follow the conversation he was having with Dean, but found it difficult to concentrate on Quidditch when I could practically feel the judgement pelting me from all around the room. One set of eyes in particular bore into me, willing me to look up from my plate. I refused. If Draco wanted to talk to me he would have to apologize and really mean it. It had been less than forty-eight hours since I decided to stop thinking about him and already I was failing.

The owls that came sweeping in with the morning post were a welcome distraction. I sent out a small wish that dad had sent me something, anything. As if on cue, one of the owls swooped down and dropped an unmarked letter on the table in front of me. I creased my brows, wondering who had sent it and hoping that it wasn't Draco this time.

My blood turned to ice as soon as I opened the envelope and saw the handwriting on the parchment. The letter wasn't from Draco, it was from mum. With shaky hands, I unfolded the parchment and began to read.

Clara,

I am sorry for everything. For lying to you and for leaving you and your dad. I hope that you can forgive me someday. I have been tasked with something of utmost importance and must leave the country for a while, I cannot say for how long exactly. Hopefully you will be ready to talk by the time I get back.  
I love you more than you can imagine.

-Mum

My chest began to tighten and it was hard to swallow with the large lump forming in my throat. The room began to spin, my breathing growing faster with each, labored breath. I felt like an animal trapped in a cage with no way out. I stood up way too fast, my breakfast plate clattering loudly, drawing more unwanted attention to myself. Seamus looked up at me, his eyes full of concern.

"Excuse me, I have to- I- I'll see you in class." I hurried out of the castle and into the fresh air of the courtyard. I thought I could escape feeling trapped if I just got out into the open, but the horrible anxiety followed me everywhere I went.

Leaning against the pillar behind me, I tried to remember how to breathe deeply. It had been less than a year since mum had come back into my life and now she was leaving again after dropping a massive bombshell on me. Anger flared up somewhere deep inside, she should have just left me alone and let me believe she was dead. The anger disappeared almost as soon as it had appeared. I didn't mean it, I was glad to know the truth about mum, no matter how it complicated things.

As the crisp, fall air filled my lungs, the anxiety began to evaporate with each breath I took. Fall and the mornings in particular, were my favorite time of year. I loved the colors of the leaves in the sunrise and how the morning air felt almost cleansing. It was made even better by the scent of rain that still hung in the air from the night before.

Cautious footsteps echoed through the courtyard, interrupting my moment of peace. I looked up to find Seamus standing three feet away, his hands in his pockets. He looked awkward, standing there balancing on the balls of his feet.

"Everything OK?" he asked, clearly trying not to sound too curious.

What was I supposed to say? It was a simple question in his mind, but a loaded one in mine. No one besides Ron and Draco knew that mum was still alive and that I had been in contact with her and I didn't particularly feel like bringing more people into the fold. Then again, neither Ron nor Draco were an option for me to confide in and I really felt like I needed someone to talk to. I let out a deep breath. I was going to have to let Seamus in sooner or later if we were going to make an honest go of it.

So, I asked him to sit with me and told him everything. He listened intently, not saying a word until I was done talking. He placed his hand gently on top of mine. This small action made me feel like Seamus would never judge me and brought a smile to my face. It seemed the more time we spent together, the more there was hope that I could forget about Draco and be with someone who was good for me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the words sink in. Finally, Seamus turned to look me in the eye, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm glad ye confided in me."

I felt a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. As it turned out, I was also glad that I had decided to confide in Seamus. It was a choice that brought me one step closer to cutting Draco and any thoughts of him out of my life for good. "Thanks for listening and for being here."

Seamus looked into my eyes, his blazing with something I hadn't seen before. A slight shiver ran down my spine at the intensity of his gaze. A part of me wanted to look away, but the other part was staring in nervous fascination. Finally, his eyes tore away from mine, only to glance down at my lips. I drew in a quiet breath. He wanted to kiss me. Question was, did I want to kiss him? Once again, I was conflicted. It was like having two different versions of me struggling for control inside my head. One wanted to be with Seamus and the other… Well, the other wanted what it couldn't have.

Seamus leaned in slowly and my heart stopped beating for a moment. I sat there, frozen, torn between the two sides that wanted two different things. Kissing Seamus also meant that I would have to face whatever truth came out of it. I would either feel sparks or not feel anything at all and I wasn't ready to find out where my feelings truly lay. Suddenly, he was so close that I could feel the warmth radiating off his skin. Our lips were about to touch and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Miss Weasley," the cold, slow words made us jump apart, embarrassment clear on both our faces.

Cautiously, I looked up at the judging face of Snape, staring down his nose at us. A lump formed in my throat.

"Since you clearly have time to spend _kissing_ all manner of boys," the way Snape put emphasis on the word 'kissing' made me blush furiously. It seemed like he knew something he wasn't supposed to. "You have the time to hand in your essay a week early on Wednesday."

Reality washed over me like a bucket of ice water and chilled me to the bone. Draco and I hadn't even started working on the essay. In truth, I had forgotten all about it and now I would have to try to get over the awkward feelings between the two of us and go knocking on his door.

With one last sneer, Snape turned on his heel and walked away, his cloak billowing behind him. I dared a glance at Seamus, anger shone behind his eyes. I wasn't sure if it was anger towards Snape or because he knew I would have to ditch him for a few nights to work on the essay with Draco. Whatever the reason, this was bound to put a strain on whatever it was that was happening between us.

With a deep sigh, I turned to face him, my face unable to hide my emotions. "I'm sorry, Seamus. I-I need to go find Malfoy."

I left Seamus sitting there, alone, staring at the sky. He had smiled briefly at my goodbye but had refused to look at me after. I knew exactly what he was thinking and couldn't help but wonder if this thing with him was over before it had even started.

* * *

The air in the library seemed cold that night, as I stepped through the doors with my stomach in knots. Clara and I were supposed to start working on the essay Snape had assigned us as punishment for our secret meeting. For the first time since my first year at Hogwarts, I resented the man. He knew exactly what us working together until late at night would look like to the other students. In fact, he was counting on it. Using humiliation as a punishment was so very much like Snape. I was still shocked that the old hag, McGonagall had agreed to it, I had counted on her to be my way out.

Clara was already seated at a table, she had picked the one that was most obscured from view, for obvious reasons. I was about to head over, when I saw a stack of books heading in her direction. Hiding behind a shelf, I peeked around the corner. Granger set the books down on the table, her face full of sympathy.

"Here are all the books that I find most useful for this kind of research," she spoke in her usual, annoying tone. "I'm sorry you have to work with Malfoy of all people on this."

I was appalled at her words. How dare she speak my name like it was something dirty, when she was the filthy mudblood?! I felt the heat of anger surging through my veins like rapid wildfire. For a moment, it consumed me and I wanted to burst out from my hiding place to tear Granger down with hateful words. Then I saw Clara's face. Her calm, gentle face. The anger pulled back and retreated back into its hiding place. If I insulted one of her friends now, it would probably be the last nail in my coffin as far as Clara was concerned and the thought killed me. She was like an addiction; no matter how much she angered and annoyed me, I kept wanting more. Our kiss in the bathroom had only served to make everything worse. Since then, all of my feelings towards her had been more intense. More than ever, I wanted to be around her and felt an intense hatred and jealousy towards anyone else who came close to her.

Images of her and Finnigan flooded my brain, bringing the anger bubbling back to the surface. I had followed the two of them on their pathetic date to Hogsmeade. I hadn't meant to, but when I had seen who she was going with I couldn't help myself. I hated how he made her laugh and smile, how they had talked for hours at the Three Broomsticks. What I hated most, was the knowledge that they could be a couple without complications. They would never have to hide or struggle due to their opposing views. On the way back to the castle, Finnigan had dared to hold her hand, sending me into a jealous rage. If it hadn't been for the fear of Clara hating me forever, I would have hexed him right then and there.

"Are you going to hide over there forever, or would you like to join me?" Clara's voice echoed through the empty corner of the library and pierced straight through my thoughts.

I had been so lost in my own head, that I hadn't even noticed when Granger left. I felt a moments humiliation. Had Clara known I was hiding behind the shelves all along? Either way, there was no turning back now. With my head held high, I stepped out from behind the shelves. "I was just trying to avoid Granger."

Clara scoffed. "Afraid of her, are you?"

"Don't be ridiculous! What could that mu-" I stopped myself, but it was too late. Clara's eyes flared with anger.

"That what, Draco?"

It was an impossible situation. Clara knew exactly what I had been about to say and hated me for it. The only way to make this right, was to do something drastic. I looked down at my feet and closed my eyes for a moment to brace myself. "I'm sorry."

Clara's eyes widened with surprise. "What?"

It had been hard enough to say the first time and now she was going to make me repeat it. I gritted my teeth. "I'm sorry."

She was speechless and I wondered what she was thinking. Had it worked? Had those two little words managed to repair all the damage I had done? The silence seemed to last forever, as she sat there, staring at me like I was someone she had never met before.

"You better sit down," she finally said, her voice giving no indication of her emotions. "We only have two nights to finish this essay."

* * *

 **Sorry about it being a short one, I have a ton on my plate right now on top of the two other stories I am currently working on. Thank you to every single one of you who reads and follows! I will try my hardest to make the next chapter longer!**


	9. Chapter 9

**As always, a huge thank you to everyone who reads and to the few people who reviewed! It was brought to my attention that I may not have done a good enough job explaining exactly what is going on between Clara and Draco, so here goes: Without spoiling too much, it's complicated. Neither one can really explain why they're drawn to each other when it makes no sense.  
What I wanted to explore with this story was whether or not love can actually be unconditional and how far two people who had these feelings were willing to take it, how much they'd be willing to sacrifice.  
Hopefully, that answers some questions and if you have any others, leave a review and I'd be happy to answer them! **

* * *

The next night, I drug my feet reluctantly towards the library. It was our last night to finish the essay and after that I wouldn't have to spend any more time with Draco. Irritated at the hint of sadness the thought made me feel, I gritted my teeth. It was a good thing, I reminded myself.

Rounding the corner, I was surprised to find Draco waiting for me outside. He looked slightly annoyed at my arrival. "It's about time," he complained and I rolled my eyes in reply, not wanting to start an argument.

"Let's just get this over with, Malfoy."

Draco didn't move. "I think we would both prefer to finish this somewhere private," at my raised eyebrow, he quickly continued: "to not give professor Snape the satisfaction of our humiliation!"

He was right, of course. Anything was better than spending another night in the library, amid the stares and whispers. "What did you have in mind?" I asked, somewhat suspiciously, still not completely trusting him.

Draco held out his hand, as if he wanted me to take it. I stared at his hand in disbelief, wondering what could possibly be going through his mind. At my stare, Draco came to his senses and quickly pulled his hand away. "Follow me," he mumbled, setting off down the hall.

We walked through the school side by side, enduring whispers and stares from everyone we passed. Thankfully, the halls were mostly empty at this time of night. Suddenly, Draco came to a stop in front of a wall. I frowned, we couldn't possibly have reached our destination, unless he had planned for us to write our essay in a deserted hallway.

"Think of the one place you would most like to be right now," he ordered, turning to face me.

"What the hell, Malfoy?"

Irritated, Draco rolled his eyes. "Just do it, Weasley!"

With a sigh, I closed my eyes. The first thing that came to mind was my bedroom back home. It had always been my safe haven, the one place where I could always be alone. A moment passed in silence, as I imagined in perfect detail every piece of furniture, every personal item scattered about.

"Open your eyes."

Not sure what I was expecting, I opened my eyes to find a door. Glancing at Draco, he motioned for me to open it. Hesitantly, I did as I was told. I couldn't suppress the gasp that escaped my mouth at the sight that awaited me. It was my bedroom, in perfect detail, just as I had imagined it. I turned to Draco, my mouth agape, unable to find the words to ask.

He followed me through the door, looking around, his eyes scrutinizing. "This is… quaint…"

I ignored the snobby tone. "It's my bedroom."

A cocky smirk tugged at his lips. "Trying to get me into bed, are ya Weasley?"

For the millionth time that night, I rolled my eyes. "What is this place?"

"The room of requirement," he replied, as if I should have already known. "The name is self-explanatory."

Still awestruck, I walked over to the familiar desk and smiled in amazement. The pictures I had of my family and friends were all there, smiling and waving at me from atop the shelf.

"Hate to interrupt your moment," Draco spoke, standing too close behind me. "But we need to finish this essay tonight."

Pushing past him, I bounced onto the bed. I had never liked working at the desk, the bed felt more relaxed, made it easier for me to think. As I pulled all of the previous night's work out of my bookbag, Draco took a seat on the floor, leaning against the bedframe.  
We worked mostly in silence, speaking only when we needed to discuss details. We had split up the work, each of us writing exactly half the essay. Draco, of course, had tried to weasel his way out of doing half the work, expecting his tricks to work on me like they did on his Slytherin minions.

Finally finishing my half of the essay, I stretched out on the bed, my neck hurting from the time spent bending over the books and parchment. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Draco's eyes glancing my way. He had yet to finish his half. I sighed, curse my helpful nature. Without a word, I slid off the bed to sit next to him on the floor. Draco looked at me, his eyes questioning.

"Don't look at me like that, hand me a book."

Together, we finished his half off the essay with time to spare. Deciding I wasn't ready to leave my bedroom, I gathered the books and essay back into my bookbag. Expecting Draco to go, I stretched out on the bed and closed my eyes. Moments passed in silence and I wondered if Draco had managed to leave without making a single sound.

Opening my eyes, I found Draco standing by the bookshelf, his eyes wandering over the books there. He picked up a small sketchbook, flipping through it. I squirmed, my sketches were something I had never shown anyone, not even Lavender.

"You know, we're done with our essay," I said, hoping he would take the hint. "You can leave."

Draco turned to face me, looking at me like I was stupid. "I know I _can,_ maybe I just don't want to."

Now it was my turn to look at him like he had sprouted a second head. "Why? Why do you always seem to want to be around me? You hate my entire family and everything I believe in."

Draco flinched, ever so slightly. "I could say the same about you." I opened my mouth to protest, but Draco wasn't having it: "I may be a lot of things, Clara, but I'm not stupid. I see you glancing at me and that day in the bathroom, you kissed me back."

A heat rose across my cheeks. I hated that he was right, hated that he had noticed. All this time, I had been fooling myself, hoping against hope he hadn't noticed the very obvious hold he had on me. When I made no reply, Draco walked across the room to stand by my desk. He picked up a picture of me and my cousins when we were little and studied it for a moment. "My family isn't like yours," he muttered quietly, more to himself than to me, I suspect. Too shocked to speak, Draco took advantage of my silence and wheeled around to meet my eyes. "I like your sketches, they're honest, unlike a lot of people around here."

He was changing the subject, obviously not wanting to talk about family, his or mine. To be honest, neither did I. It was nice to be by ourselves in a bubble, where neither one of us had to worry about being seen or our respective reputations. It felt liberating not to be bound by expectations.

"What do you like to do, besides boss your cronies around and act like you're better than everyone?"

Draco rolled his eyes, but answered honestly none the less: "Quidditch, I just want to play Quidditch."

Something about the way he said it broke my heart and I realized that he felt just as trapped by the expectations placed on him, as I did by the ones placed on me. Could it be that Draco Malfoy and I were actually bonding over something? Just a short while ago, I would have found the idea ridiculous, but something was different tonight. With no rules, we were free to open up to each other, to trust our feelings and let our guards down.

Without giving it much thought, I pulled a sketchbook out of my bookbag and flipped through it. Finding the picture I was looking for, I tore it out carefully and handed it to him. "Take this, as a reminder that there is honesty out there if you look hard enough."

Draco took the picture, gazing at it curiously. It was a drawing of him, sitting in the middle of a crowd of Slytherins, yet still completely alone. For a moment, his eyes were serious and I thought he might say something vulnerable and honest. But then, he forced a grin onto his face. "I knew you fancied me."

Tired of doing this song and dance, I slung my bag over my shoulder. "We've ten minutes until curfew." As I turned to leave, Draco grabbed a hold of my arm. I refused to face him.

"Thank you," he said, the words barely a whisper.

I couldn't help the smile that was now creeping onto my face. "Don't mention it."

As the door to the room of requirement closed behind us, we stopped to face each other, neither one of us knowing how to say goodbye after everything we had just shared. Hugging the book in my arms, I rocked on the balls of my feet nervously. "I had-" I began, but at that moment, the book slipped out of my arms and fell to the floor with a thud. We reached for it at the same time and our hands brushed. A spark shot through me, my cheeks turning pink. Draco's eyes met mine, his hand never moving. Completely caught in the moment, he took my hand, his thumb tracing the sensitive skin of my palm. I felt my arms break out in goosebumps, my breath caught in my throat. All I could think of in that moment, were his lips and how badly I wanted him to kiss me. As if he could read my thoughts, Draco leaned in slowly.

Suddenly, a loud thud echoed through the deserted hallway, causing both of us to startle and jump apart. Turning in the direction of the sound, I squinted but saw no one. Now paranoid, we said a hurried goodbye and headed off in opposite directions. I rounded the corner, to make my way towards Gryffindor tower when I saw it laying on the ground. It was a small, leather-bound notebook. Not wanting to snoop through someone else's personal property, I peeked inside the cover, hoping to find a name. When I couldn't see one, I peeked at the first page. It was blank. Frustrated by the lack of information, I slipped the notebook into my bag and continued on my way, deciding to place a notice about it in the entrance hall.

The common room was empty by the time I made it inside. Hoping that Lavender and the others would be asleep already, I headed straight for the stairs.

"Did ye finish your essay?" the sudden voice caused me to jump and stumble in fright. Before I knew it, Seamus was standing next to me, keeping me from falling over. His smile was gentle and I immediately felt guilty for the moment Draco and I had shared that night.

"Thanks," I fought hard to keep the guilt out of my voice. "What are you doing up by yourself?"

His cheeks turned faintly pink. "I may have been waiting for ye."

His eyes looked into mine tenderly, my stomach turning painfully with shame. Seamus took my hand, the same hand that had been in Draco's just ten minutes prior. "I wanted to ask ye if- well- if ye'd be my girlfriend?"

I stood there, numb, staring at this kind, funny boy, standing in front of me open and vulnerable. Despite how open things had been with Draco the past few days, the sad truth was that he probably couldn't change. His beliefs, no matter how wrong, were intertwined with who he was. No matter how many good moments we shared, he would always be bad for me in the end.

It was now or never, I had to face my feelings for Seamus, whatever they may be. It only took me a moment to decide. Fearlessly, I pressed my lips against his, butterflies exploding in my stomach. Seamus was taken aback by my sudden boldness, but came to his senses quickly, his mouth responding to the kiss. The fire that Draco and I had wasn't there, but there were embers and embers could easily turn into a flame. I pulled away from the kiss, my mind made up.

Seamus looked breathless and I couldn't help but chuckle softly. "In case it wasn't obvious, that was a yes." I tried to tell myself that I had nothing to feel guilty about. I owed Draco nothing, no matter how much he had opened up to me that night.

The smile that lit Seamus's face set my heart aflame and I felt more confident in my decision. This had all the potential of something amazing and I wasn't going to let anything ruin it. Of course, that is always easier said than done.

* * *

That night, my dreams were filled with Clara, her beautiful smile, her infectious laugh. I could feel her lips against mine and the beat of her heart. Something had changed between us, become better. That morning when I got dressed for the day, I couldn't wait for breakfast, couldn't wait to see her again. Something inside of me had shifted and for the first time in my life, I felt reckless. I didn't care what my father thought, didn't care what the rest of the Slytherins thought, I was going to do what truly made me happy.

Having hidden from Pansy that morning, I walked into the Great Hall alone. Taking my usual spot at the Slytherin table, I scanned the room for Clara but she was nowhere to be seen. I had hoped she would be here already. Keeping my head down, hoping not to get noticed, I pulled out a book and pretended to finish some homework I should have been done with days ago.

Heart beating uncontrollably in my chest, hands beginning to sweat, I kept glancing in the direction of the door. Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar head of dark hair, causing a foolish smile to spread across my lips. It didn't take long for the smile to fade, as my stomach dropped. Clara was walking hand in hand with Finnigan. The pain of betrayal shook me to my core. Clara had played me for a fool, pretending we had a connection. For the first time in my life I felt such deep hurt that I couldn't even feel angry.

Clara's eyes met mine and I thought I saw regret flash across her face before she turned away from me and continued on her merry way. Unable to stand it anymore, I arose from the table and stormed out of the castle. I couldn't believe it. Clara had actually chosen Finnigan over me! I would have to watch them walking around the castle hand in hand, acting like a couple. The pain and anger made me feel sick to my stomach. Then, hit with the realization that I had almost given up everything that had ever been important for a dumb girl, I couldn't hold it back anymore. Bending over, I vomited into a bush. I, Draco Malfoy, had sunk low enough to almost throw away my family's good name. I should have known all along that a dirty Weasley couldn't be trusted.

I avoided Clara as much as I could that day, refusing to go anywhere near her or that rat Finnigan. Unfortunately, I couldn't avoid her forever. The last class of the day was potions, where we had to present our essay to professor Snape. The entire hour, I sat at the back of the class, having to watch Finnigan and Clara, sitting close together. It was like they were throwing their relationship right in my face. Eventually, the anger and humiliation became too much to bear and I was ready to explode.

Unable to think straight, I made my way through the classroom to Clara. "Do you have it?" keeping my tone cold, I glared at her.

She could hardly look me in the eye. "Do I have what, Malfoy?"

"The bloody essay, of course!"

Shocked by the venom in my voice, Clara finally looked at me. Hurt shone behind her green eyes. I felt a twinge of regret at my harshness and had to remind myself that she was the one who had hurt me. Just as well, she had done me a favor. There was no future for a Malfoy and a goody two shoes Weasley girl.

Clara's eyes hardened. "Yes, I have the essay."

"Give it to me."

"What for?"

"Your handwriting is god awful, Weasley, I need to clean it up so that the professor can understand it."

Clara turned her eyes back to her cauldron. "Sod off, Malfoy."

"Or what, Weasley? Are you going to kiss me again?" I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. The stricken look in her eyes only made me feel worse and I could suddenly feel all eyes in the classroom on us. Everyone had heard my words.

Clara's nostrils practically flared, as she turned her vicious gaze to me. "That is a lie and you know it!" she screamed the words in my face. "Why would I ever want to kiss you?! You're nothing but a pathetic, spineless rat and I wouldn't touch you if you were the last person on earth!"

Her words hurt more than I wanted to admit, even to myself. I stood there, frozen, searching my brain for something to say. Thankfully, Snape had finally had enough of the show.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, miss Weasley, for disrupting my class," he spoke coldly.

"That's not fair! Malfoy was harassing her!" Seamus protested, outraged.

"Twenty points! And I suggest you stop talking before I give you detention as well!"

The silence in the room was deafening, not even Pansy dared to snicker. Defeated and miserable, I made my way back to my seat. If Clara and I hadn't been over before, we sure as Merlin were now and it was all my fault. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut, why did I always have to destroy everything?

* * *

Weeks passed in silence. Draco wouldn't even look at me. Not that it was any easier for me to look at him. I was plagued with an overwhelming guilt for having hurt him. I had no idea he was capable of the amount of hurt I had seen in his eyes that morning when Seamus and I walked into the Great Hall together for the first time.

It must have looked like I didn't care, like I was rubbing it in his face, when in truth, I had tried to get out of the public display. That morning, Seamus had been waiting for me in the common room, telling me he wanted everyone to see us together. Without trying to hurt his feelings, I had cited a fear of agitating Ron as my reason for not wanting to. Of course, Seamus had made a very reasonable argument for why it was none of Ron's business who I spent my time with and I couldn't really argue with it. Ever since then, Seamus was at my side almost every second of the day, slowly becoming unbearable for me to be around. Spending time with him was nice, but this was beginning to feel like he was trying to keep an eye on me, like he was afraid I might change my mind about being with him if he took his eyes off of me for a second.

That weekend, I managed to escape from Seamus's constant attention by sneaking out of the castle before anyone, save for Hermione, was even up. I told myself I didn't mind someone wanting to be with constantly, but it was a lie. I was beginning to feel smothered.

As I walked down to the lake, I spotted a familiar head of black hair sitting on the ground. Harry was staring towards the lake, his expression wistful. Instead of sneaking around him, I made my way down the hill and sat down next to him. The first Triwizard task was approaching and Ron still wasn't speaking to either one of us, I could imagine Harry felt lonely.

"What brings you out here so early in the morning?" he asked conversationally.

"Trying to escape the constant attention that is having Seamus as a boyfriend. Your turn."

"The same. Well, not escaping a boyfriend, but the rest of the school."

"Are people still mad at you?"

He nodded and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Over and over, Harry kept finding himself in situations he had no control over, situations that brought him nothing but unwanted attention. The word around school these days, was that Harry was nothing more than an attention seeker, always wanting to be the best at everything. I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting.

"At least the Gryffindors aren't mad at you."

He scoffed bitterly. "No, they just want me to win. I don't want to win, I want Cedric to win! But I can't just throw the competition either, it wouldn't be fair for anyone else to win that way."

"It would seem that there is no perfect answer to your problem."

Realizing I was talking to him as much as I was talking to myself, I didn't say anything more, as I let the words sink in. No matter what I did, someone would always end up getting hurt. It would be Seamus or Draco, or all three of us, and there was no way out of it.

We sat in silence for a while longer, until students began pouring out of the castle to enjoy the nice fall day. Knowing Seamus would find me eventually and not wanting rumors to start about me and Harry, I bid him goodbye and walked back up to the castle alone.

Sure enough, on my way upstairs, I ran into Seamus. His entire face lit up at the sight of me, as he asked me where I'd been and gave me a tight squeeze. I told him I'd gone for a walk but left out the part about talking to Harry, afraid he would read too much into it.

We ate breakfast together, me avoiding Draco's eye. He had acted like a total git in potions and I wasn't sure I could forgive him, but I felt guilty for my part in all of it. That morning set the precedent for every single day that passed for a long time. Draco and I could hardly look at each other, let alone speak. This was what I had wanted, wasn't it?

In a moment of pure desperation, I wrote a letter to mum, telling her everything that had happened, starting with when Draco and I had met during our first year. I told her of my confusion and feelings for Seamus, hoping she'd have some motherly advise.

I apologized profusely to the owl I picked to deliver the letter, not having any idea where to send her. Not knowing if my letter would reach her or not, I watched the owl fly away, hoping against hope that she would somehow find mum, wherever she was.


	10. Chapter 10

**As always, I would like to thank all of my readers! Also, a heads up that I'm going to be doing nanowrimo this November, which means I probably won't have too much time to update any of my stories on here, but I will certainly try!**

* * *

Finally, the time for the long-awaited Yule Ball arrived. Pansy let it be known that Draco had asked her and I couldn't help but feel a small twinge of jealousy. My plan to forget about him wasn't working and I began to feel like I was going mad. It was as if all the hurt between us made me think of him more instead of less.

Lavender was more excited than anyone else I knew. She had picked out her dress as soon as her Hogwarts letter had arrived that summer, opting for a soft pink ballgown. She looked beyond beautiful, as she modeled it for me the night before the dance. She twirled around the room, fantasizing about dancing, when suddenly, she came to a halt. "I don't have a date," she announced, as if she'd forgotten that one, important detail. "You have a date!"

I shrugged. "Only because I have a boyfriend."

Lavender turned to me, her eyes intense and pleading at the same time. "Clara, you HAVE to help me!"

"How am I going to help you find a date?"

She blushed. I should have known. Ron and I had just made up and he had grudgingly accepted that Seamus and I were dating. Now Lavender wanted me to find out if he had a date for the ball.

"I suppose you want me to convince my cousin to ask you?"

"Oh please, Clara, would you?" her eyes were pleading, as she stared straight into mine.

I sighed, seeing no way out. "Far be it for me to not give true love a helping hand," I grinned teasingly as Lavender blushed furiously.

Despite my teasing, I wasn't thrilled about the assignment. I was certain there was a spark between Ron and Hermione and I couldn't help but worry that Lavender would end up with a broken heart. With heavy steps, I made my way down to the common room, hoping that I wouldn't find Ron there. Of course, as was my luck, he was sitting by the fire with Harry. With a deep breath, I made my way over and plopped down in between them.

Harry looked up from his book with a smile. "Hi, Clara."

"Hi, Harry," I smiled back, falling silent in procrastination. Ron looked over at me curiously, waiting for me to speak. Knowing I couldn't sit in silence forever, I gave in. "Harry? Could Ron and I have a moment?"

The two boys looked at each other. Finally, Harry shrugged and left the two of us by ourselves. I could feel Ron's enquiring eyes even without looking at him. There was no turning back now.

"You don't have a date to the ball tomorrow, do you?"

Ron groaned with a pained expression. "Has everyone heard?"

"I think you should ask Lavender."

Ron stared at me for a moment. "Your best mate Lavender?"

I nodded. "The one and only."

Ron thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Why not, haven't got anyone else to go with, have I."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure she'd be thrilled to hear you put it like that."

* * *

The day of the ball went by in a blur. All the girls were going crazy, obsessing over the coming night, talking of nothing but their dresses and dates. The only good thing was that Pansy was leaving me alone for once. She was too busy thinking about her appearance to pay me much mind.

When the evening finally came, I made sure to arrive in the entrance hall before Pansy was ready to leave the dormitory. I told myself it wasn't because of Clara, but knew it was a lie. In truth, I was aching to see her. The scene I had caused in potions was still burned into my mind, along with the hurt and anger on her face. Was it guilt or regret I was feeling? Why did I feel bad at all, Clara was the one who had hurt me first. Despite everything, I had been unable to get her out of my head.

Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I hid in the back of the crowd. The sight of Finnigan standing around with Potter and Weasley, waiting for Clara was enough to throw me into a jealous rage. Images of him putting his arms around her, as they twirled around the dancefloor began to plague me.

Taking a few deep breaths, I attempted to calm myself. It was bad enough that I had already had one outburst earlier in the year, I didn't need another. Merlin forbid it lead to more rumors about me and a Gryffindor girl, father would never forgive me.

Finnigan let out an audible gasp, his eyes fixed on something at the top of the stairs. My gaze followed his and had I not been in control of myself, I would have gasped too. Clara stood at the top of the staircase, her best friend by her side, looking more beautiful than I had ever seen her. Her long brown hair, which I had never seen not pulled up, was now cascading down her left shoulder in soft waves. Clad in a beautiful, lavender dress, her green eyes seemed to sparkle, as she began making her way down the staircase. Our eyes met, the smile never leaving her face, and for a brief moment, I could imagine she was my date.

My mind dared to fantasize of how she would walk past the crowd and I would take her hand, much to everyone's shock and dismay. She would smile that radiant smile, as I led her onto the dancefloor and I would wrap my arms tightly around her.

My fantasy shattered in an instant, along with part of my heart, when Clara reached Seamus Finnigan and smiled at him. They exchanged soft words, before she took his arm and let him lead her into the Great Hall. Pain and longing, mixed with anger and jealousy, as I tried to come to grips with reality.

Looking up for a moment, I saw Pansy walking towards me. She was a pretty girl and had outdone herself tonight. The only problem was that she wasn't Clara. I was filled with disappointment, when she took my arm and batted her eyelashes at me. "Come on, Draco, let's make the whole school green with envy."

* * *

Both of us bursting with nerves and excitement, Lavender and I made our way down the grand staircase hand in hand. Ron and Seamus were waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs, their jaws ready to drop in awe. I could feel Lavender tensing up with nerves and squeezed her hand to reassure her. Maybe Lavender would be for Ron what Seamus was for me. A healthy way to forget about the people we couldn't be with.

There was a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye. Draco was standing alone in the back of the crowd, staring at me. Conflicting emotions arose in my chest. I wished desperately that I could just walk up to him, have him take my hand and escort me into the Yule Ball. But I knew Seamus was better for me; he was a good person with a kind heart, and with him I always knew what I was getting. With Draco, I didn't even know who he really was. The hurt from his outburst in potions still fresh in my mind, I forced myself to look away.

We reached the bottom of the stairs and my heart made a small leap at the sight of Seamus. He looked handsome in his dress robes, as he looked at me like I was the only girl in the world. I felt the heat of a blush on my cheeks and in that moment, I was sure I had made the right decision in choosing him.

"You're beautiful," he smiled coyly.

"You cleaned up rather nicely, yourself."

With a soft chuckle, Seamus offered me his arm and we stepped through the doors into the Great Hall. In an instant, I was in awe of how the hall had transformed. It was like walking into a magical winter wonderland, which I suspect was the goal. I couldn't deny how romantic the atmosphere was. Seamus and I took our places in the crowd, waiting for the champions to enter and lead everyone in the first dance.

When it was finally time, Seamus took my hand and led me to the floor. His hand coyly on my waist, we began dancing with the other couples. As we twirled around the dancefloor, I kept catching glimpses of Draco standing on the sidelines, Pansy Parkinson on his arm. His eyes were glued to me and Seamus, venom practically spewing out of them. I wondered how long he would be angry with me, how long he would hold on to this toxic attraction between us. There had to come a point when he would make an honest effort- like I was- to escape its clutches.

Eventually, Pansy managed to drag a reluctant Draco to the floor. A pang of jealousy rocked me, as I watched him place his hand on her waist and lead her in a graceful dance. Determined to break the unhealthy cycle, I buried my face in Seamus's shoulder. A small smile forced its way to my lips. Somehow Seamus always managed to smell like freshly cut grass and fireworks. I could feel his grip on my waist tightening and I knew his feelings for me were stronger than mine were.

"Would ye like a drink?" he asked quietly, breaking the spell of the moment.

Reluctantly, I lifted my face once more. "Sure, lead the way."

We wove our way through the crowd, towards the refreshments. I looked at Seamus as he was pouring our drinks. He was exactly the guy I needed to be with. Maybe, eventually, the butterflies would come as intensely as they had with Draco and I would fall head over heels in love with him. That was the moment that I decided not to let Draco Malfoy ruin my magical night. For the first time in a long time, I was able to put him completely out of my head and focus on what was in front of me. Maybe it was the romantic atmosphere of the ball, maybe I was caught up in the moment, but I managed to forget all about how suffocating Seamus had been since we started dating.

The rest of the night went by in a blur of laughter and dancing. Ron and Lavender seemed to be getting along beautifully and I had begun feeling better about having made the match. The feeling in the air was almost intoxicating, all the happiness coupled with the music and decorations. Of course, not everyone was pleased. My heart went out to Harry, sitting on the sidelines, watching Cho Chang who had come with Cedric. Harry's own date had left him hours ago to dance with a dateless Durmstrang boy, not that he had noticed. I nudged Ron gently, hating to interrupt his fun with Lavender. At his inquisitive look, I jerked my head towards Harry. Despite being thick sometimes, Ron understood immediately and whispered something in Lavender's ear, before making his way through the crowd to his best friend. Grabbing Lavender's hand, I pulled her towards us, not wanting her to dance alone. We danced in a threesome, letting ourselves get lost in the fun.

Unfortunately, we couldn't keep dancing all night. My feet grew tired all too soon and all I wanted was to sit down. Seeing no free tables, Seamus and I decided to step outside for a moment. It was a beautiful night. Snow glistened on the ground and the sky was free of all clouds. I looked up at the stars, a peaceful feeling settling in my heart. Something about the fresh air and the smell of whatever season it was could always make me forget about everything. As a small child, dad had called me a nature child and been certain I would excel in herbology. Of course, he had been wrong about that part. Despite my love for nature, I hated working with plants.

I felt Seamus's hand wrap around mine gently, pulling me out of my reverie.

"I had fun tonight," I spoke sheepishly, feeling suddenly nervous.

"It was perfect." His smile and the quiet, gentle tone of his voice caused my stomach to flutter.

In a sudden, bold move, Seamus pulled me closer to him. I looked down at my feet nervously, unsure of how to react. I had managed to avoid kissing him since that first time and I wasn't completely sure I was ready yet. Softly, his fingers touched my chin and nudged my head back upwards. He smiled gently and leaned in close, letting his lips brush against mine, causing me to stop breathing. The kiss was tender and loving, everything you could possibly dream of to end such a magical night.

"I've wanted to do that for months now," he whispered as our lips parted.

I smiled coyly, my cheeks blushing furiously. Feeling for the first time like I was genuinely falling for him. The feeling sent my head spinning and confusion clouded my mind. Was it possible to have strong feelings for two people at the same time?

* * *

Seamus and I walked back to the common room together, his hand wrapped gently around mine. With a quick peck on the lips, we said goodnight and I watched him walk up the spiral staircase to the dormitory. As soon as he was out of sight, I broke down. My head was spinning, what was I doing? I had no business falling for Seamus when I couldn't get Draco out of my head. Suddenly I felt an urgent need for air, despite having just been outside. Knowing the ball was still going on and that most students were still downstairs, I made my way to the one, familiar spot where I could most always be alone.

Just as I had expected, the astronomy tower was deserted. Below me in the courtyard, couples who had snuck away from the festivities were huddled together in intimate twosomes. If I were normal, I could have been down there right now too. Instead, I was up here by myself, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. A million thoughts spun around in my head; was I a bad person? Was I being selfish by agreeing to be with Seamus when I clearly had complicated feelings for someone else?

Footsteps echoed behind me. I didn't have to turn to know exactly who it was. I drew a deep breath. It would seem the universe was determined to have me and Draco always wind up alone together. I stared up at the stars, a part of me hoping that he would turn around and walk away if I ignored his presence. A long moment passed in silence, neither one of us budging.

Finally, I gave in and turned to look at him. His face lit up only by the light of the moon, he looked handsome standing there in his dress robes. For a moment, the sight was enchanting, pulling me in and making me want to forget about everything he had done, everything he was.

Draco looked at me with such longing that it almost broke my heart. For the first time in the four years that I'd known him, he seemed utterly vulnerable and open.

"You look beautiful tonight," he finally said, quietly.

A blush spread across my cheeks. He took it as an invitation and stepped closer, his hand brushing against mine just like that first day we passed each other on the train. The sensation brought back the memory of that moment, and the feeling and innocence of first love.

So much had changed since that day. We had learned things about each other, things that made us different, things that should have made us dislike each other. Yet, it was as if our feelings were something we couldn't control, something that had already been decided long before we even met.

Draco looked down into my eyes and I could feel my body begin to tremble from the closeness. "Dance with me?" His request caught me off guard, it didn't exactly seem like the kind of thing Draco Malfoy would want to do. Then again, a lot of things he had done lately struck me as out of character for him.

"We can't go in there and dance in front of everyone."

He shook his head. "Not in there, stupid, right here."

A small wave of irritation rose up at his words. "Don't call me stupid."

A grin tugged at his lips, as he grabbed my hand. "You know you want to."

I hated his cocky attitude and that he was right, but something about that night made me powerless to refuse. When I didn't protest, Draco placed his hand confidently on my waist, my entire body responding to his touch. He waved his wand and music started playing out of thin air. My heart beat uncontrollably, as Draco pulled me close and began to sway with me to the music.

We danced for what seemed like forever, lost in our own little world, forgetting about everything and everyone else. Finally, the cold seeped in and I began to shiver. Draco pulled off his coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. For a moment in time, he wasn't Draco Malfoy and I wasn't Clara Weasley, we were just a girl and a boy realizing they were falling in love.

He stared deep into my eyes and I found myself lost in his icy blue stare. "Clara," my name was suddenly beautiful on his lips.

But I couldn't do this, could I. Just an hour ago, I had kissed Seamus and the truth remained the same at the end of the day; he was Draco Malfoy and I was Clara Weasley and no matter how hard we tried, we could never escape that.

Reluctantly, I pulled myself away from his arms and stared at my feet. I didn't need to look at his face to know that he was irritated with me for pulling away. "I should get back to the common room before someone comes looking for me."

"Fine," he said curtly.

My eyes planted firmly on the ground in front of me, I stepped past him. Out of the blue, his arm shot towards me and grabbed a firm hold of my arm. Before I could react, Draco had pulled me to him, his lips crashing down onto mine. An uncontrollable fire spread through my veins, making my legs feel weak under the weight of my body. Unlike the kiss Seamus and I had shared, Draco's was demanding and greedy, without an ounce of gentleness. Yet something inside of me responded in kind, shoving aside all reason, all other thoughts, as I kissed him back. Heat rose all around us, the world slowly melting away once more.

In a brief moment of sanity, I managed to reluctantly pull myself away. We stared at each other in silence, breathing hard, still reeling from the intensity of the moment we had just shared. When neither one of us spoke, I tore my eyes away from his and rushed down the stairs as quickly as I could, suddenly feeling like I needed to get as far away from his as possible. Whatever this thing with Draco was, it was like an addiction and I was almost completely powerless to stop it. If I hadn't already been confused before, I certainly was now.

* * *

I entered the dormitory as quietly as I could, hoping everyone else was asleep or still at the dance. My hopes were dashed when Lavender grinned at me. She was sitting cross legged on her bed, already in her pajamas with her hair in a neat braid, obviously waiting for me to return so that she could tell me all about her night with Ron. Suddenly, her eyes widened, as she looked me up and down.

"You're wearing a boy's coat," she observed, her tone accusing. I hadn't even realized I was still wearing the coat Draco had lent me. "It's not Seamus's, is it?"

I shook my head, feeling guilty.

She frowned, disapprovingly. "I could guess when Ron and I saw Seamus downstairs, looking love-struck by himself."

"You and Ron got on then?" I hoped talking about my cousin would be enough to change the subject. Alas, Lavender wasn't so easily distracted as she had once been.

"We can talk about that later, right now I want you to tell me whose coat that is."

I sighed as I let myself flop down onto the bed next to her. I knew she had her suspicions, she was my best friend after all. "I'm in trouble, Lav. I really think I'm falling for Seamus but I can't stop thinking about Malfoy."

Lavender turned towards me with a sympathizing look. "You need to try. I understand the attraction, it's that whole bad boy thing or whatever but you two can never have a future. Seamus is gorgeous and sweet and he adores you."

"Look at you, when did you get to be so wise?" I flashed her a playful smile and she returned it with a light smack on my arm.

"You know I'm right, Malfoy is nothing but trouble."

Of course, I knew she was right, but knowing something is right and following that knowledge are two different things. It was as if my head and heart were in a tug-o-war with each other. Tired of thinking about it, I got up and went to find my pajamas.

Lucky for me, Lavender knew me well enough to not press me further. She allowed me to change the subject with ease, telling me all about how she was sure Ron would ask her to be his girlfriend after the wonderful night they'd had. While I was happy for her, I also envied how easily she knew Ron was the one she wanted and how no one would disapprove of their relationship.

When Lavender had finally tired of talking, I crawled into my own bed, glancing at the coat folded neatly on a chair a few feet away. Tears stung my eyes, as guilt and shame washed over me. I slept uneasy that night, dreaming of icy blue eyes and the smell of freshly cut grass and fireworks.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you so much to all of my readers and everyone who took the time to review! It means more than you could imagine! A very special thanks once again to Drumboy100 who always agrees to beta my stories and does it well! And another quick reminder that I will be participating in Nanowrimo this November, which probably means I won't have the time to update my stories on here but I'll try!**

* * *

I was dating Seamus and had let Draco kiss me. It was a fact I couldn't escape from, no matter how hard I tried. The guilt continued to eat me up from inside, until it felt like there was nothing left of me. Slowly, I became a hollow shell, going through the motions and responding appropriately to every situation. Ironically, since the night of the ball Seamus had relaxed and become less overbearing. Lavender was convinced I was overreacting. "It was just a kiss!" she would say in an exasperated manner and roll her eyes. What she couldn't understand was that lies and deceit had always been things that made me sick to my stomach. Where she saw it as one, harmless kiss, I saw it as an enormous betrayal of Seamus's trust, especially because of the strange, inexplicable feelings I had towards Draco.

One Saturday morning in late January, I was up before the sun, getting ready for my weekly run. Running helped me clear my head and gave me some much-needed time alone. Suddenly, there was a faint tapping on the window, startling me enough that I almost woke up my roommates. Through the frosty glass, I could see the faint outline of an owl. A bad feeling came over me immediately. Owls never sought out students outside of mail time in the mornings.

With trepidation, I opened the window and untied the scroll attached to the bird's leg. The owl didn't stay and wait for a tip, as soon as it was free of its cargo, it took off into the darkness. Quickly, I closed the window and looked down at the scroll in my hand. My heart sank. I recognized the scroll as the kind mum used for our secret correspondence. Either she had received my letter and was sending a reply, or something had happened to make her write me in the middle of her assignment. With shaky hands, I unfurled the scroll, expecting the worst.

Clara,

I was happy to receive your letter but sad that you're dealing with something so difficult.  
Matters of the heart are never easy and I hope I can offer some advice that will help ease your troubled mind and heart.  
Seamus sounds like a nice boy, if a little jealous and insecure, but it would seem your heart is only truly set on one boy; Draco.

I stopped reading, as my heart dropped. Being with dad, surely mum must have heard of the Malfoys and must know their reputation. Why on earth would she encourage my misguided affections? I shook my head; her letter was no help. If anything, it had only served to heighten the anxiety I was feeling. Without so much as a second glance at the scroll, I crumpled it up and stuck it in my pocket, before escaping the confines of the castle.

The fresh air did nothing to clear my mind this morning. With each, pounding footstep, I felt the guilt hammering down on me, threatening to crush me. Slowly, it became harder and harder to breathe and I had to stop running. Like a house of cards, I toppled to the ground out of the blue, tears flowing uncontrollably as I trembled and struggled to breathe. Somewhere in the distance I could have sworn I heard someone calling my name but my brain refused to register anything but the lack of air in my lungs and the explosion of emotions running a mile a minute through my mind. The world was slowly fading and I could feel a small sense of relief. Maybe it would finally be over.

* * *

The pain in my head was almost unbearable. It throbbed and pounded, desperate to get my attention and to bring me back from the black hole I had fallen into. Unable to ignore it any longer, my eyes snapped open.

"She's awake," Lavender's excited voice came from somewhere next to me, but the world was still blurry and I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. Fear and confusion mingled, as I came to realize I wasn't where I had been a second ago. The last thing I remembered was collapsing on my run, everything since was a blank. One second I was on the ground and the next I was here, with no sense of having lost any time in between.

Suddenly, I felt the warm touch of a hand on top of mine. I blinked in an effort to clear the blur.

"Clara?" Ron's voice was anxious.

Slowly, the world came into focus and I realized I was in the hospital wing. Ron was there, standing next to me, holding my hand. Behind him stood Seamus and Lavender. Worry showed on all of their faces and I wanted to scream. I didn't deserve for them to worry about me.

"Please say something," Lavender pleaded.

"What happened?" I forced myself to ask, scared of the answer but needing to know.

"You fainted on your run," Ron replied, staring at me intensely, as if trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

Not in the mood to discuss the specifics of my panic attack with any of them, I shrugged it off. "I probably should have eaten before heading out."

Seamus stepped forward, his eyes searching mine for something. "Are ye sure that's all?"

This visit was beginning to feel like an interrogation and I wasn't happy. Seamus could probably sense my irritation, because he hurried to grab my free hand, his thumb stroking my knuckles soothingly. The moment Seamus grabbed my hand, Ron let go of my other one, an uncomfortable look on his face. Clearly, he still wasn't completely on board with us dating. Lavender, who could sense the tension, grabbed his hand.

"Come on Ron," she said insistently. "Let's give them a moment alone."

Ron looked at me uncertainly. "Go on," I ordered. "I'm fine and I will see you as soon as they let me out of here." Finally, Ron nodded and let Lavender drag him out of the hospital wing.

It was a small relief, I would have preferred to be alone but I was afraid asking Seamus to leave would hurt his feelings. I forced myself to look at him, as he smiled affectionately at me. Every time he did, it killed me. All I could think of was how I had kissed Draco the night of the ball and how Seamus deserved someone better than me. Someone who was only interested in him.

"You'll never guess who they found skulking about after you were brought here," his voice interrupted my thoughts. Relieved, I looked up at him inquisitively. "Malfoy of all people." My body tensed at the mention of his name, the blood in my veins turning to ice. If Seamus could sense the change, he didn't say anything. "He was trying to hide, acting all suspicious and when Madam Pomfrey caught him he said he'd come to see her for a headache. A headache! Can ye believe that?"

Of course, I knew exactly why Draco had come but the idea was so outlandish that no one else would ever suspect it. I forced myself to act normally and rolled my eyes. "Clearly he was up to something."

"No doubt trying to start more rumors about the two of ye," anger flashed behind his eyes. For a moment, I thought I saw something else, something resembling jealousy. "I dunno why he has it out for ye, probably just trying to mess with Ron."

"Probably," I mumbled, tired of talking about Draco.

Mistaking my discomfort for tiredness, Seamus smiled. "I'll let ye rest now, I'll be waiting when Madam Pomfrey lets ye out." With a lingering peck on the lips, he was gone and I was left alone with my thoughts. Of course, these days, my thoughts were the last company I wanted.

I waited impatiently as Madam Pomfrey insisted I stay and rest. She was convinced that my collapsing had been caused by stress. Apparently, it was quite common during the second half of the school year.

I saw my stay in the hospital wing as both blessing and a curse. A curse because there was nothing to distract me and keep me from thinking, a blessing because I didn't have to be around the people I was lying to. The hours passed by slowly and when I was sure I had finally had enough of laying around to last me a lifetime, a familiar figure appeared in the doorway.

"How are you feeling?" Cedric smiled, a smile full of genuine concern.

"Better," I replied shortly, not really wanting to talk. I couldn't help but wonder why he had come to visit me. We had had a handful of conversations since meeting the summer before and while I thoroughly enjoyed his company, it wasn't like we were close.

I watched him make his way to my bedside, the smile never leaving his face. Cedric glanced down at his hands, his expression suddenly strange. It was as if he wanted to say something but didn't quite know how to find the right words. Finally, he let out a deep breath and looked me square in the eyes. "I was the one who found you, you know."

My head was reeling. Cedric Diggory had found me and brought me to the hospital wing. Unsure how to feel, I struggled to find the words and to understand why he had come to tell me this.

"You were on the ground, shaking and crying," he continued without waiting for my reply. "I tried to talk to you but you were completely unreachable. Naturally I feared you had been cursed so I picked you up and brought you here." Cedric paused, his expression thoughtful. I could tell by his demeanor there was something he wasn't saying, something he wanted to say.

When I didn't speak, he looked around to make sure we were alone, before leaning in closer. "You were mumbling a name the whole time I carried you." He paused, his expression pained, like he was about to say something incredibly difficult. "Draco Malfoy's."

A cold dread spread through me. It had been inevitable that the day would come when I slipped up and revealed too much to the wrong person, but I had never been truly prepared for it. Cedric could probably tell how uncomfortable I was, for he placed his hand reassuringly on top of mine.

"If you need to talk about something, I'm here and whatever it is, I promise I won't judge."

Tired of holding on to everything alone, it was surprisingly easy to open up to Cedric. I told him everything, how Draco and I had first met, how we had kissed twice, how no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to stay away from him. Cedric listened patiently, his expression remaining neutral the entire time, making me feel comfortable and safe. When I was done talking, he smiled weakly.

"I don't think we can choose who we fall for but we can choose what we do. I don't know why Malfoy has taken such an interest in your but I don't think he's capable of love."

"I suspect you're right."

Cedric smiled softly. "Love isn't selfish and everything Draco Malfoy does is."

I couldn't help but grin teasingly. "You're pretty wise for a handsome young lad."

Cedric let out a soft chuckle. "Just don't tell anyone, I have a reputation to maintain."

A true smile graced my face for the first time in a month and I felt at ease, if only for a moment. Cedric's presence was comforting in the midst of the storm raging all around me.

Cedric stayed for hours that day, talking to me about everything and nothing. By the time Madam Pomfrey decided it was time for him to leave, I had begun feeling like we had known each other for years. Slowly, I came to the realization that he was becoming the person in my life that I had always wanted Ron to be; a brother to lean on, a friend to confide in, someone who wouldn't judge me and would be there unconditionally.

* * *

I waited nervously, lingering in the hallway outside the room of requirement. With threats and intimidation, I had managed to convince one of the first year Slytherins to deliver a note to Clara in the hospital wing. The boy had returned and told me that she had read it but hadn't said anything. As of this moment, I had no idea if I was making a fool of myself waiting for her or if she would take me up on my request and show up.

My heart leapt at the sound of footsteps echoing around the corner. Hoping against hope that it was Clara, I steeled myself for the encounter. A month had passed since the night of the ball and neither one of us had spoken to the other. Not that I hadn't tried to catch her attention, but Clara had gone out of her way to ignore me.

As if my thoughts had summoned her to me, she appeared down the hall, her eyes avoiding mine. Even I knew better than to speak. Instead, I closed my eyes and let the room of requirement materialize, wishing for a quiet place we could talk. I could feel Clara standing close to me now, her mere presence sending my head reeling. Without a word, she opened the door in front of us and entered. The room was larger than any I had seen before, filled with piles of random stuff. I wondered why we had been given this room out of all the possibilities. Next time, I would have to be more specific.

Clara came to a stop in front of a dusty, ornate mirror. She stared at her reflection in silence, not moving. There was something in her eyes, something I hadn't seen before and could not read. I didn't care, I couldn't. All I could think about was being close to her again. Without a word, I reached out to pull her to me, every inch of me aching to touch her. My fingers grazed her arm softly, feeling the warmth of her skin for a brief moment, before she jerked away from my touch and turned to face me, her eyes finally meeting mine.

Clara shook her head, keeping me at a distance. Annoyance grew inside my chest, I wanted her and I didn't want to deal with the rest of it. No one had ever denied me what I wanted and I wasn't sure how to handle it.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" her voice trembled at the edges, like she wasn't sure she could resist.

"What do you mean?" my voice was contemptuous, I couldn't help it. I had grown tired of her fighting me, all I wanted was for her to just give in to what I knew she wanted.

"It doesn't matter, Malfoy. Whatever you want from me; I'm not interested." There was a determination in her eyes I hadn't seen before and it made me uneasy. It seemed like she meant it. "Find someone else to play with, I'm done."

"Clara," I began to protest but she was done listening. Without another word, she pushed past me and slammed the door shut behind her.

My head was spinning, unsure what to feel. There was anger, a cold fury at being rejected, but also something unpleasant resembling hurt. With every beat of my heart, the throbbing pain shot through me like poison in my veins. Why did she keep resisting, when I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her? Her rejection of me made no sense. My family was powerful and rich, the Malfoy name carried weight in the wizarding world, men trembled before the sight of our family. I was good looking to boot, much more so than that git Finnigan.

A sickening feeling arose in my stomach. Clara's words and actions felt final, like I would never be close to her again and I wasn't sure I could accept that. _Stop making a fool of yourself, Draco,_ I could practically hear my father's voice spitting the words at me. If Clara was determined to do this then let her, she was the one losing out, not me.


	12. Chapter 12

**It's been a while! I found myself completely burnt out after Nanowrimo and before I knew it Christmas was happening and to top it all off I ended up with strep throat! I will try my hardest to get back to my old posting schedule now. If you're still here after all these months: thank you! If you're new here: welcome and thanks for clicking!  
Giant thanks, as always, to the lovely Drumboy100 who read this chapter and gave me honest feedback and suggestions!**

* * *

Cedric was gone. One moment, he was alive and full of potential and the next all of that had been snuffed out. Numbness had spread through me like a virus, infecting every inch of me, until all that seemed to be left was pretense. It wasn't that he had been a vital part of my happiness, more that I had hoped he would become one.

Since our talk in the hospital wing we had spent several mornings walking through the grounds, lost in conversation. It had been easier to open up to someone who I had no romantic interest in, I hadn't felt the need to hide any aspect of myself with Cedric.  
The numbness and disbelief had quickly become worse, when Harry had revealed that Voldemort was back and responsible for Cedric's death. A cold dread had spread through the entire school. The signs of his return had been there for the past four years, but none of us had wanted to believe it would actually happen. Cedric had been the first casualty of the war that was now inevitable.

A sudden, soft knock on the door drew my attention away from the trunk I was hastily stuffing all of my clothes into. Before I could answer, the door creaked open and Lavender's head came into view. "The carriages have arrived."

I nodded, closing the lid of my trunk. "Thanks, I'll be down in a minute."

Accepting this, Lavender disappeared down the stairs, leaving me alone in the quiet. A sigh escaped my throat, as I took one last look around the room. This room had seen its share of laughter and tears and I hoped more than anything that it would remain the same until our return in the fall. With so much uncertainty and fear in the air, I would no doubt need a safe, familiar place to fall by the end of the summer.

As I picked up my trunk and took a step toward the door, I heard something land softly on the ground. Bending down to investigate, I immediately recognized the crumpled up piece of parchment I had carried around in my pocket for months, and the memory of last Saturday came back to me with an unstoppable force.

 _"Are you ever going to finish reading that letter from your mum?" Cedric asked as we walked along the edge of the forbidden forest.  
_  
 _I shrugged, non-committal. "Maybe, though I don't really need to, do I? I've already made up my mind and ended things with D- you know who."  
_  
 _I glanced sideways, only to be met_ by _a grin, one that I immediately hated. "If you're so sure, what's the harm in seeing what she had to say about it?"  
_  
 _I had no answer for him, at least not one I was willing to speak out loud. I had spent months since ending things with Draco working hard on burying all of my feelings and convincing myself this was the right choice for me. But I was no fool; the truth was that it was all fragile and could come tumbling down if the slightest little thing upset the careful balancing act I had set up.  
_  
 _"Clara," Cedric spoke my name patiently when I didn't reply. "I don't want to see you end up with someone like him, but your feelings remain unresolved and I also don't want to see you bury parts of yourself until there is nothing left."  
_  
 _I had hated the wisdom in his words, hated that he was right. I had finally managed to reach a place where I didn't feel guilt and shame every day and now he was telling me to go_ backwards _just to resolve my messed up feelings.  
_  
 _"I'm only fourteen," I spoke the words trying my best to sound convinced. "My feelings for him were a momentary lapse in judgment, not a sign that he is my soul mate."  
_  
 _Cedric raised his eyebrow and I knew I hadn't convinced him. Irritation had welled up inside of me. I didn't like how vulnerable and open Cedric made me feel sometimes. "Just drop it," I had commanded and we had gone our separate ways._

It was the very last conversation I had ever had with Cedric and looking back on it I felt guilty. I wished I had been more patient and let him know that I was listening, instead of dismissing his words and making him think I was angry at him.

Not wanting to dwell anymore, I slipped the letter back into my pocket and made my way down to the entrance hall where all of my friends were waiting. We climbed into the carriages and said goodbye to Hogwarts for another summer, not knowing if we would have a chance to return in the fall.

* * *

My hands closed into fists, as I stared at the piece of parchment on my desk. Cedric had wanted me to read it but I hadn't been ready. Now, after a month on holiday, it was finally time. Quickly, I snatched up the letter before I could change my mind and unfolded it. Holding my breath, I began to read, skipping the part I had already read.

 _Love isn't something that can be explained and often it makes no sense to the people standing on the outside looking in. You are young but that does not mean you are daft and can't possibly have found true love._  
 _I know that you and Draco have a lot of differences and that he's certainly not someone your_ father, _or even your friends would want you to be with, but this is your life and these are your feelings. Give him a chance. Who knows, maybe you two can learn from each other and help each other grow._  
 _Love, Mum_

I stared at the words on the parchment for a long moment, my hands shaking. It was the first time someone had told me that acting on my feelings for Draco was okay and that there was nothing wrong with me. In a split second, the unsteady wall I had built around my feelings came tumbling down and I was right back in that old, familiar place. Yet somehow it was different this time. This time, there was no guilt or shame, just longing and fear of the unknown.  
A sudden, insistent knock on the door echoed through our small house and brought me back to reality. Placing the letter into a drawer, I quickly and haphazardly threw the wall back together, before glancing in the mirror. In the weeks since the end of term, dad had been busier than usual at the ministry and aunt Molly had forced Ron to come by every morning with food for me. She hadn't been happy when dad had given me permission to stay home instead of staying at The Burrow.

When I was satisfied that I looked fairly normal, I made my way down the stairs to the kitchen to let him in. As the door swung open, the smile I was wearing faded to be replaced by surprise.

"Seamus?"

My hands were suddenly clammy and a sick feeling began to take root in the pit of my stomach. Seamus took a step forward, standing too close now. A few beats of silence passed, before his arms were suddenly around me.

"I missed ye," he whispered the words softly, his face buried in my hair.

A little too awkwardly, I stepped out of his embrace and closed the door behind me, not wanting to let him inside. I was hoping against hope that he wouldn't stay long. We hadn't seen each other since the first week of our summer holiday when I'd told him I needed some time alone. He had been understanding but I could tell it hadn't been genuine, he had been angry.

"Why are you here?"

Seamus stared at me, a hint of that same anger in his eyes. "Are ye serious?!" He seized my hands into his and stared into my eyed intently. "I was worried about ye! Ye haven't answered any of my owls."

Feeling suddenly defiant, I stared him down. "I told you that I needed some time alone and instead of doing what I asked you've been writing me almost daily for the past two weeks. And now you're here."

Seamus stared at me as if seeing me for the first time, the pieces finally falling into place. My heart slowly picked up speed. He couldn't have figured out the truth.

"Ye loved him."

"What?"

"Cedric!" Seamus kept his eyes on mine, a cold fury burning behind his usually kind eyes. "Ye loved him!"

The accusation left me speechless in its obscenity. No part of me had ever expected him to think that I had been in love with Cedric. Of course, thinking about it, it made more sense than him suspecting Draco.

"Why else would ye have been so distant after his death," he continued harshly.

Something inside of me snapped in that moment and I shot him a cold glare. "In case you hadn't noticed, we were friends and not only did he die but he who must not be named is back!"

He scoffed, "or so Potter says."

"What?"

"Haven't ye been reading the Prophet? Everyone says Potter's story is all rubbish."

"Harry's your friend, Seamus."

I wished there was something I could have done to make him stop talking. Each word he spoke drove me closer to ending the relationship. I couldn't stand the way Seamus was now turning on one of his friends.

"And he seems to always find himself the center of attention, doesn't he."

The contempt in his voice shocked me and suddenly it felt as if there was a complete stranger standing in front of me. I hadn't always treated him entirely fairly, pushing him away at times and not communicating, agreeing to be his girlfriend when I had feelings for someone else, but with each word he spoke my guilt was replaced with anger. Slowly, it dawned on me that while I had tried my hardest to give Seamus a chance, everything had changed after Cedric's death. That last conversation we'd had helped me realize that Seamus wasn't who I wanted to be with and never would be. You couldn't force yourself to feel for someone, even if they were the person you should have chosen.

"I think we should split up." The words were out of my mouth in a flash but I found there was no part of me that regretted them. The truth was that our relationship was never going to work, he was never going to be the one my heart wanted.

Seamus was visibly taken aback and I couldn't help but wonder how he hadn't seen this coming. "Clara…"

I shook my head fiercely, done listening. "It's over, Seamus."

He wasn't about to give in, it was written all over his face. Frustrated and wanting nothing more than to get away, I pushed past him and set off at a run into the forest. Adrenaline surged through me as I ran faster and faster through the trees, until I was sure I had gotten away. Unsure of where I was going I let my feet guide me as far away from Seamus as possible. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear him calling for me, but I told myself I no longer cared.

* * *

I can't say what possessed me to go for a walk in the woods that day. It was a strange, unexplained pull, almost like gravity guiding me towards the hands of fate.

That morning had begun like any other; I had rolled out of bed and eventually made my way downstairs in search of a house elf to order around. As I was heading into the kitchens, a movement caught my eye. Father was heading into his study with a woman I hadn't seen before. Just from a glance I could tell she was one of the Dark Lord's. Something about her made me unable to look away, as she followed father through the hall. There was something strangely familiar about her, the way she carried herself and the way her long, thick hair fell down her back.

As the doors to the study closed behind them, I found it hard to concentrate on much. Despite never even seeing her face, something about that woman had affected me. I tried to go about my day pretending like everything was normal, but a nagging thought in the back of my head refused to let go. It was telling me I needed to go for a walk, a walk would clear my head.

Eventually the thought became too powerful to ignore and I found myself headed out the door, not really sure where I was going. Standing in the front garden, I stared at the large gate separating our manor from the rest of the world. So deep in thought was I, that I hardly noticed the small footsteps hurrying towards me.

"Young Malfoy," the house elf squeaked from behind me, but I made no sound.

Before I knew what was happening, the elf had grabbed me and we were apparating. I closed my eyes as everything spun and then came to a stop. It took me a moment to open my eyes, but when I did the house elf was gone and I was standing alone in a forest. Somewhere further away I could hear the faint rumbling of thunder.

As if in a strange trance, I began walking, not even thinking to question why the house elf had brought me here. So deep inside my own head was I, that I didn't even notice the footsteps coming towards me until it was too late. For the first time in months I found myself looking into those familiar green eyes once more. No words were spoken, as we stood frozen, simply staring at each other. A sudden breeze ruffled Clara's long hair and the sweet scent of apples and cinnamon filled my nostrils. In an instant I realized just how much I had missed her and how difficult it had been to stay away.

"Clara! Please come back!" her head snapped in the direction of the voice.

Seamus Finnigan, of course it had to be that git. As my eyes found Clara's once more, a strange expression crossed her face. It seemed she had made some silent decision that I wasn't privy to.

Before I could fully process what was happening Clara had snatched a hold of my hand we were running through the trees away from the desperate voice calling for her. The rush of the wind on my face and Clara's hand in mine awoke something deep within me and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was truly alive. Somewhere behind us I could hear footsteps pounding against the ground and I knew Finnigan was on our trail.

Seeing no other escape, Clara pulled me behind a large rock, pressing her finger to her lips, a conspiratorial look on her face. We listened as Finnigan's footsteps grew closer and slowed on the other side of our hiding place. For a moment I thought we had been discovered but then his footsteps picked back up and faded.

Catching my breath I couldn't help but notice that Clara's hand was still in mine, sending a subtle heat spreading through my fingers. My eyes were glued to the profile of her face, as she peeked out in the direction Finnigan had disappeared to make sure he was truly gone.

Clara let go of my hand and stepped out from our hiding place and I felt a lurch of disappointment. Just as I was about to follow, Finnigan's voice broke the silence, "Clara?!". It sounded like he had turned back and was once again coming in our direction.

Clara swore under her breath before shoving me in the opposite direction. "Go! Go!" she hissed insistently and set off at a run once more. I followed her willingly and without hesitation, my brain completely void of all thoughts besides her.

Suddenly, Clara disappeared and I almost called out to her before I felt myself being pulled into a tight crevice. My breathing hard and the beat of my heart drowning out all other sounds, I found myself pressed tightly against her. With both of our backs pressed against the rock, there was nowhere for either one of us to escape to. Her warm breath caressed my face, sending shivers down my spine.

It was as if our last meeting had never happened, as if all of her harsh words had been erased from existence and I found it hard to think straight. Her scent, her closeness made my head spin.

I leaned closer, hesitantly for the first time in my life. As my eyes closed, our lips brushed tentatively and the feeling was almost too much to bear. Every inch of me was drawn to her like a moth to a flame and I was powerless to resist. Much to my surprise, Clara's hands found their way into my hair, pushing my mouth onto hers and kissing me with all the hunger we had held back for so long. Despite my surprise, my body responded instinctively, returning her kiss and pressing closer to her.

Something wet and cold hit my head and my eyes snapped skyward, the kiss broken. In a matter of seconds we were pelted by big raindrops. Clara's breath fogged and mingled with mine as we were instantly soaked, the cold seeping into our bones. Her body trembled slightly in my arms, but she made no indication of wanting to move.

The look in her eyes urged me to brush my lips against hers once more. Wet and warm against mine, she kissed me without apology and the world faded from around us.

* * *

The setting sun cast a warm, orange glow over the forest, as we sat atop a boulder; Clara's head on my shoulder and our hands entwined. All the things usually hanging above her heads, our families, our ideals, our houses, none of it mattered here. Everything was perfect.

"Clara?!" the sudden, frantic voice shattered peace and brought us crashing back to reality.

Clara slid off the rock, her face pale. "That's Ron! He can't find you with me!"

Reluctant to leave, but knowing I had little choice, I pressed a quick kiss to her lips before running into the cover of the trees. Wanting to make sure Clara was alright, I stayed hidden and watched as Weasley came running into the small clearing. His face red and obviously winded, he stared at Clara wide eyed for a moment. Then, in the blink of an eye, his obvious relief was replaced by anger.

"Bloody hell, Clara! What were you thinking?! You're lucky I didn't tell your dad!"

Clara stared back at him, her face defiant. "Seamus came running to you then."

"He was worried about you! We all were!"

"We?"

In that moment, a twig snapped behind me. Instinctively, I whipped around to see who was behind me and froze; Potter. Time seemed frozen, as my mind fumbled to find a way to get out of this. Slowly, the flames of realization ignited behind Harry's green eyes. It was only a matter of time before he would call to Weasley and I would be found out. Small beads of sweat were beginning to make their way down my forehead.

Suddenly, there was a tiny pop next to me and I felt a cold hand grab onto my wrist. Before I could see the creature, I was overcome by a familiar sickening feeling, as the forest spun away before my eyes, taking Potter with it.

"Young Malfoy must be careful if he wants the girl," a quiet, squeaky voice warned as soon as the world stopped spinning.

I opened my eyes to discover that I had been brought back home by the same, mysterious house elf that had taken me to the forest earlier that day. No longer in a strange daze, I found myself with a million questions.

"Why did you take me to the forest, elf?!"

The small creature shrugged. "Master commanded it. Pip obeys master."

"Who is your master?!"

"Pip won't betray master. Young Malfoy is safe, Pip has done his duty."

Anger mingled with confusion, as I watched the house elf disappear with a tiny pop. Who could possibly want me in the forest at the same time as Clara and for what reason. An ominous feeling enveloped me, as I walked back towards the manor. Dark forces were at play, but what their motives were I could not say. All I knew for certain was that I probably should stay away from Clara to keep her safe, but I had never been one for self sacrifice…


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to everyone who reads and favorites and follows! And thanks for being patient! I've been suffering from major writers block this month so this chapter is a little shorter than usual, I also haven't spent as much time editing it as I usually do. Hopefully you can look past this and stick around! Things are going to change for all the characters this school year!**

* * *

The rest of the summer holiday went by painfully slowly. Aunt Molly convinced dad I'd be safer at Grimmauld Place, where the Order of the Phoenix had established its headquarters. After that, going anywhere unnoticed was impossible. I was stuck in that house until September first and it was all thanks to Ron, I was sure.

When the time to leave for Hogwarts finally rolled around, I was more than eager to escape. The thought of seeing Draco again filled me with anticipation like I had never felt before. My hands shook, as dad and walked through the doors of King's Cross station. I found myself wondering if I would see him before the train took off.

Dad placed a hand on my shoulder, an oddly comforting gesture. Things had been distant between us all summer. Dad had spent most of his time at the ministry or in meetings with the Order and we hadn't had many chances to even talk. It would seem he was trying to rectify the situation now, minutes before I had to leave.

"How are things with… Samson, was it?" he asked, his voice strained and awkward.

"Seamus, dad, and we broke up."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

I couldn't help but note that he didn't really sound genuine. Perhaps the thought of me dating was something that made him uncomfortable still, despite my fifteenth birthday being right around the corner. It was nice to know that no matter how dad had felt about me having a boyfriend, he had kept it to himself and trusted me to handle it. Amid all the people who felt the need to treat me like a child, dad's confidence in me filled me with a renewed sense of security in myself.

Feeling suddenly like I should make more of an effort, I smiled at him. "I'm alright, he wasn't my type."

Out of the blue, dad had stopped walking and had wrapped his arms tightly around me. The sudden embrace left me speechless. The emotions running through me all at once were almost overwhelming. For a moment, I thought I might burst into tears. And then came the other thoughts, the parts of me that wanted to confront him about mum, the parts that were angry that he had lied to me for all these years.

The words burning on the tip of my tongue, I pulled away from the embrace and stared down at my feet, unable to look at him.

"I do believe it is almost nine and we should hurry lest you miss the train," he chuckled and just like that, the moment was gone and my courage had abandoned me.

Dad ushered me through the station to platform nine and three quarters, where we embraced once more before I boarded the train that would take me away until Christmas.

* * *

Lavender and I walked arm in arm down the platform towards the carriages. The familiar smell of the forest and the hooting of an owl in the distance brought with it a sense of peace. So I hadn't asked dad about mum; I would get another chance come Christmas break.

A sudden brush against my arm caused me to let out a gasp of surprise. And then he was there; Draco Malfoy, turning to look at me, his face scowling, but his eyes unlike I had ever seen them before. "Watch where you're going, Weasley." The words sounded like his usual nasty self, but his tone was soft, almost gentle. I felt the heat rising up on my cheeks as Lavender threw him a nasty glare.

"You walked into her, Malfoy."

Draco rolled his eyes before continuing down the platform. After he was gone Lavender launched into an angry monologue about how rude and nasty he was, but I scarcely heard a word. My mind was back in that forest, back in the moment we had kissed in the rain.

It wasn't until we walked into the Great Hall that I truly came back to myself. There we were, looking up and down the packed Gryffindor table, trying to find a spot far enough away from Seamus. It seemed so surreal that the last time I had been here, we had sat together, holding hands under the table and now we were trying our hardest to avoid each other. His eyes met mine and I froze. The anger and bitterness almost took my breath away and a lump formed in my throat. Despite everything that had been said, I couldn't help but feel guilty for hurting him.

Wanting to escape his hateful eyes, I let Lavender pull me into an empty spot on the bench. Thankfully, she had enough wherewithal to seat us a ways away from Seamus, even though it meant she couldn't sit with Ron. The two of them had been inseparable most of the summer, until aunt Molly and uncle Arthur had moved their entire family to Grimmauld Place.

"Why can't we sit with Ron again?" Lavender managed to ask in between the longing glances she was throwing his way.

I rolled my eyes affectionately, feeling suddenly bad that I was keeping the two of them apart. "Do you see how close to Seamus he is sitting? Also, because he's an obnoxious meddler."

Tearing her eyes away from Ron, Lavender stared into my eyes. "He was just worried about you."

"But he treats me like I'm some fragile thing in constant need of protection. I can take care of myself."

Lavender couldn't argue. She knew as well as I did that Ron was overprotective. Not knowing what to say, she returned to making eyes at him. Happy to have her distracted, I found my eyes scanning the Slytherin table for a familiar head of blond hair. Draco was exactly where he had always been; seated between Crabbe and Goyle, spinning some boastful tale, no doubt.

Almost as if he could feel me watching, Draco's eyes turned slowly to meet mine. Images of our kiss in the woods flashed before my eyes for the millionth time and my cheeks flushed. He smirked in response and for the first time it didn't irritate me. Instead, I found myself grinning back at him. His eyebrows raised subtly, as if challenging me to be more bold and I flashed him my tongue defiantly. There was something incredibly thrilling about sharing a secret moment in the midst of all the people who would never accept even the thought of us together.

Draco waved his wand and a small paper butterfly fluttered over the heads of the students separating us, before landing softly in the palm of my hand and unfolding itself.

 _Astronomy tower, tonight after 9?_

A smile found its way onto my face and I nodded. Satisfied with my answer, Draco turned his attention back to Crabbe and Goyle. Something drew my attention towards Harry and as my eyes found his green ones, a cold chill traveled up my spine. Had he been watching the entire time? Had he seen our secret communication?

Just then, the new defense against the dark arts teacher interrupted professor Dumbledore's welcome back speech by standing up to deliver a speech of her own. Harry's attention turned back to the front of the hall and I breathed a small sigh of relief.

The new professor was a short, plump woman dressed head to toe in pink. She smiled warmly as she spoke, trying very hard to come across as kind and caring, but something about her made my skin crawl. It didn't help that the headmaster himself seemed less than pleased by her presence.

Judging by the looks on the student's faces, I wasn't the only one unnerved by Dolores Umbridge.

* * *

I was glad to see that we were among the first to enter the common room after the feast. Seeing Seamus in the Great Hall had been one thing, but seeing him in the common room would be another. My hopes of rushing upstairs to the dormitories were dashed when Lavender insisted we wait for Ron. Reluctantly, I agreed and hoped that he would make it upstairs before Seamus. Each time the portrait hole swung open and it wasn't Ron, my heart sank further and further.

Eventually, when the portrait hole swung open for the twentieth time, my eyes looked up to find Seamus. For a moment, I was sure I might vomit, as Seamus seemed to be heading straight for me. But at the last minute, he turned and made a beeline for Dean. The relief was small and I was just about to excuse myself, when the room went deadly silent. Harry had just walked in. Lavender and I smiled weakly as he passed.

Visibly uncomfortable, Harry made it to the stairs before turning around. "Dean, Seamus," he kept his tone conversational, but the hint of defiance in his stance was unmistakable. "Good holiday?"

"Alright," Dean replied quietly. "Better than Seamus's anyway."

It was brief, but I noted the glance he threw my way, making sure I knew that I was part of the reason. As if I needed more guilt.

"Me mum didn't want me to come back this year," Seamus spoke, as he stood up to face Harry.

"Why not?"

"Oh, let's see, all this rubbish you've been spouting about you-know-who."

Before I knew what I was doing, I had jumped to my feet, causing their eyes to snap in my direction. Seamus stared at me, his eyes hard, daring me to speak.

"Stop being ridiculous, Seamus," my words were quiet but hard. He knew how I felt about the things he had said about Harry.

Seamus's eyes drifted from me to Harry, suddenly growing wider and angrier. It was that same look he had given me during the summer; like he had figured me out for the first time. "I thought it was Diggory, this whole time."

Anger flashed before my eyes. All Seamus had done since things had gone sour was accuse me of having feelings for every boy I even talked to. Like a whip, the words were at the tip of my tongue in an instant and I was about to let him have it. Just then, the portrait hole swung open.

Ron stopped in the doorway, taking in the scene before him. Putting the pieces together fast, he strode over, his eyes hard. "What's going on?"

No one spoke a word, as his eyes swept the room. Harry turned and hurried up the stairs, clearly eager to escape the situation. Ron threw a glance my way. As irritated as I was with his constant meddling, I nodded, letting him know I would be alright. Satisfied with this, he followed Harry up the stairs.

Seamus wouldn't look at me, his eyes glued to the floor in front of him. I shook my head, it was hard to feel guilty when he acted the way he did. With fire in my eyes, I stared him down until he looked at me. "What?!" he demanded defiantly.

"When did you become such a git…" I spoke the words quiet enough for him to hear and pushed past him towards the portrait hole. No one tried to stop me.

* * *

Pulling my robes on tighter, I stood and looked out over the darkened courtyard below. One of the best things about being in the middle of nowhere was the silence that fell when all the students and teachers had retired for the night. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted and another seemed to hoot in reply a short moment later.

Light footsteps echoed through the tower, slowly growing closer with each step. My stomach clenched, the nervousness suddenly bursting out of its confines and shooting right to the surface. It had been almost a month since those stolen moments in the forest and I wasn't sure what to expect from tonight.

Without a word, he was suddenly standing next to me, so close our arms were touching. The familiar scent of mint filled the air, bringing a soft smile to my face.

"You came."

Without looking at him, I could tell he was grinning.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't?"

Draco grabbed my hand, slowly pulling me to him. As he had me where he wanted me, he trapped me against the railing, a devilish look on his face. Warmth kindled in the bottom of my belly and quickly spread all throughout my body, the breath catching in my throat. He knew exactly the effect he was having on me, I was sure of it. The cocky smirk on his face confirmed it. Without hesitation, Draco captured my lips with his, the soft warmth sending shivers down my spine. The rush of his lips against mine made my knees buckle. The world slowly melted away, all of the people, everything that had happened; all gone as I lost myself in his embrace.

Too soon, he pulled away, resting his forehead gently against mine. His hot breath on my face sent my nerves into a frenzy; I wanted to stay this close to him forever.

It was strange to be that open, even with myself, about my feelings towards Draco, when I had spent so many years pushing them down and hiding them away. But with the end of everything we knew inevitable, who I had feelings for no longer seemed important. A lot of things no longer seemed important.

Draco finally pulled away from the embrace, a conspiratorial look on his face. He reached into his book bag and pulled out a small bottle of something honey colored. My eyes widened; fire whiskey.

"I stole this from father, it is the finest in the world."

I shrugged, unimpressed. "I wouldn't know, I've never had cheap nor expensive alcohol."

The grin on his face grew suddenly wider. "Perhaps it is my every intention to corrupt you fully."

Ignoring his words, I slid onto the floor and made myself as comfortable as I could on the hard stone. Without hesitation, Draco took a seat next to me, our shoulders touching. Taking a sip of the whiskey, he held the bottle towards me. I hesitated, did I really want to do this?

"Come on, Weasley," Draco urged playfully. "Live a little."

With a sigh, I took the bottle out of his hand. As I held it to my lips, I closed my eyes tightly, not sure what I was expecting and preparing myself for the worst. The liquid warmed my throat going down, the taste of it oddly pleasant. With each sip, I found myself nestling closer to Draco, the last of my walls slowly tumbling down.

"Is it safe to assume you're not with Finnigan anymore?" Draco sneered.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the fact that he was obviously fishing. "That's why he was chasing me through the forest that day."

Silence fell between us. That was the first time either one of us had acknowledged that day out loud. I held my breath, waiting for him to speak, to ease the tension that had formed in the air around us. Then, much to my relief, Draco's arm snaked around my shoulders and I found myself instinctively resting my head on his.

"So, you finally realized I was the better choice then," he teased quietly, the cocky edge to his voice no longer irritating me as much as it had before.

"Perhaps I just realized he was the wrong choice for me."

For a moment, Draco sat frozen. I could feel his muscles tensing, mine responding in kind. Fear of what he was thinking caused me to hold my breath. Then, after a long moment of tension, I felt his body relax, his arm squeezing me tighter. Relief flowed through me and I allowed myself to melt into him.

I had already known this year would be different, but I could never have guessed just _how_ different…


	14. Chapter 14

**October**

The moment classes began and everything fell back into routine, it became clear that Umbridge had been sent by the Ministry of Magic to inhibit our education in defense against the dark arts. For what reason, only she and the minister himself knew. Our first lesson Umbridge handed out books on the theory of defensive spells and informed us that the use of wands in her classroom would be prohibited. Of course, Harry had been the first to get himself into trouble by arguing that we needed more than theory to protect ourselves in the coming war. I couldn't help but note the way Seamus had obnoxiously rolled his eyes. Umbridge, on the other hand, had insisted that Voldemort was not back and Harry had earned himself the first detention of the year.

It didn't take long for Umbridge to get herself appointed High Inquisitor. She was given free range to evaluate all of our classes and professors, and to fire everyone she didn't feel could live up to her standards. Tensions rose to an all-time high, as Umbridge asserted herself in almost every aspect of the school. Now more than ever, Draco and I had to take extra precautions not to get caught.

As luck would have it, there was an abandoned prefect's bathroom in the dungeons. The older Slytherins used it for snogging and other illicit activities and professor Snape turned a blind eye because- well, because he was Snape.

On this particular night, I found myself sitting on the edge of the swimming pool sized bathtub, my stockings and shoes abandoned on the floor as I warmed my feet in the bubbly water. The dungeons were always freezing cold and I hated it.

Draco paced behind me, his footsteps echoing off the stone floor. "Umbridge almost caught us last night," his voice was tight. In my mind's eye, I could see his face with his jaw clenched, the way it always did when he was feeling anxious about something.

I shook my head slightly. "I stand to lose a lot more than you, you know." With my eyes glued to the water, I realized I had never admitted this truth out loud. "You can claim you were using me, trying to get information. What am I going to say I was doing with Draco Malfoy of all people? Especially after all the rumors over the years."

Draco was silent and I wondered if my words had taken him by surprise. He had to have thought about it, as self-preserving as he was, there was no way he hadn't. I heard his footsteps coming closer and felt him lower himself to the floor beside me. A moment passed in silence until he finally sighed and placed a gentle hand on my cheek.

As I turned to meet his gaze, the anger I found in his eyes took me by surprise. It conflicted completely with the gentleness of his touch and I found myself afraid of what he was going to say next.

"I don't-" he struggled to get the words out, his eyes shifting between determination and fear. "I don't want you hurt or in trouble any more than I want myself hurt or in trouble."

Taken aback by his confession, I stared into his eyes in silence, my mind struggling to process what was happening between us. The fierceness in Draco's eyes brought back memories of the Quidditch World Cup; how he had found me trembling and alone and how he had sworn he would never let anyone touch me. My body shuddered from the sudden thrill that ran through me. That was the moment I realized just how much trouble I was in; just how deeply and irrevocably under his spell I was. The breath caught in my throat, fear rising to the surface like a foul poison, making me want to run. But as I continued to stare into his icy blue eyes, I found myself entranced, wondering how no one else saw the things I could see; the fierce passion and the soft tenderness, the fear and the pain behind it all. It seemed Draco Malfoy could fit an entire complex array of emotions into just one look.

Unexpectedly, his lips brushed cautiously against mine and in an instant I was overtaken by that familiar feeling, the insatiable hunger for more. The urge to pull him closer, to kiss him deeper was strong enough to knock me off of my feet and render me helpless, but somehow I managed to hold back as I always did, afraid of the consequences of completely relinquishing control.

It seemed Draco didn't share the same restraints. His hands slowly traveled from my cheek down to the exposed skin of my neck, his touch threatening to shatter every last ounce of self-control I possessed. It wasn't long before his treacherous fingers began their descent, making their way lower, spreading the uncontrollable fire to everything they touched. The panic that had been building since his first touch reached its crescendo, causing me to jerk away in a fit of dread. The sudden, unexpected movement send Draco tumbling forward and in my desperate attempt to escape, I accidentally shoved him. Water and bubbles splashed everywhere, as Draco landed back first in the tub. A sudden, hysterical giggle erupted from my lips.

Draco scrambled to gain his footing, coughing and sputtering. As his wild eyes found mine, the smile on my face quickly turned into a gloating grin.

"You deserved that."

Draco pulled himself out of the tub and ran his hands through his hair, looking around the room as if hoping to discover a forgotten stash of towels lying around somewhere. I stood frozen, my eyes glued to the way his white shirt was now clinging to his body, accentuating his chest. A red-hot desire had ignited in my veins, the world around me slowly fading away. I bit my lip and forced myself to look away, sure my cheeks were glowing red by now. Unfortunately, I hadn't averted my eyes fast enough. A cold, wet hand wrapped around my wrist and an involuntary gasp escaped my lips, as our bodies collided, the pit at the bottom of my stomach clenching tightly.

"You like what you see, Weasley?" he murmured, his voice low and seductive, his smirk devilish.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes in a desperate attempt to brush it off and hide the impact he was having on me. "Don't be daft, Malfoy."

"I don't see you resisting."

Draco's lips brushed the side of my neck, the air becoming electrified in an instant. I craved his touch more than anything and it scared me. The control he had over me was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It was like he had his own gravitational pull and I was rendered powerless in his presence. As his hands gripped eagerly at my hips, I forced myself to pull away.

"I should get back to the common room before curfew."

Visibly frustrated, Draco rubbed his neck, his jaw clenched once more. My heart sank as it became clear to me he wasn't going to speak. Pushing down the lump forming in my throat, I turned to walk away.

"Clara?"

My legs froze, my heart pounding faster now.

"I- uh- I fancy you…"

His words broke through my walls like a cannon ball causing a crack in my defenses. I wanted nothing more than to turn back around and every second I stood my ground was like a slow torture.

"I know," the words tumbled out of my mouth in a quiet rush. "I fancy you too…"

Only silence followed my confession and I knew Draco had said everything he was going to. Before my heart had a chance to beat straight out of my chest, I fled into the cold halls of the dungeon. It wasn't until I made it through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room that I could finally breathe. Between the weight of Draco's words and my own confession, my body was running on overdrive.

Lavender spotted me from her seat by the fire and waved me over eagerly. Of course, she was sitting with Ron, whom I still had hardly spoken to, but I was desperate for the distraction. As I approached, I began to regret my decision; Lavender's eyes were full of questions, but her lips knew better than to voice any of them in front of Ron.

"Were you at the library again?" she smiled at Ron and shook her head. "Your cousin would probably live there if she could."

Ron's smile was awkward from the tension. "Reminds me of Hermione."

Just then, as if she had been summoned by Ron simply uttering her name, the portrait hole swung open and Hermione came storming into the common room with Harry on her heels. Her eyes searched the room, landing eventually on the three of us by the fire. She froze, her eyes lingering on Ron and Lavender sitting close together.

Probably sensing the tension, Lavender rose to her feet. "Well, I should get to bed if I wish to avoid having bags under my eyes in the morning." She bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Ron's cheek. "Goodnight, Ron," her attention turned to me with a grin that said we would talk later. "Goodnight, Clara."

I wanted to groan as I watched her walk upstairs. Lavender had been suspicious for weeks of all the time I was spending "alone", and had hounded me mercilessly, demanding to know where I went and who I was with. Though I was convinced she knew the answer already.

The moment Lavender was out of sight, Hermione stalked over and flopped down on the sofa between Ron and I. "Umbridge isn't teaching us anything."

"I believe that is a fact known throughout the school," I replied quietly.

Harry leaned against the side of the fireplace, his feet shuffling awkwardly. "Hermione is looking for your support."

Ron frowned in confusion. "Support for what?"

"She thinks that I should teach anyone who is willing."

It took a moment for the realization to set in. "A second, secret defense against the dark arts class?"

Hermione nodded gravely. "We all know what is coming and we have to be prepared to defend ourselves. Harry's the only one who's ever faced you know who before."

I sat in silence as the weight of the decision before me sunk in. If I made the choice to join in on this secret, it would be yet another thing I would have to keep from Draco. But joining was the right thing. I couldn't be unprepared for the oncoming storm.

* * *

 **November**

The Saturday following the decision, the trio returned from Hogsmeade with a list of recruits and a name: Dumbledore's Army. Once Neville suggested we should use the Room of Requirement for our meetings, it didn't take long for us to get established. Harry turned out to be a great teacher and students were finally actually learning something useful.

Of course, it didn't take long for Umbridge to become suspicious. She began by banning all student clubs and when it became clear that hadn't worked, she formed the Inquisitorial Squad; a group of students appointed special privileges by the High Inquisitor herself. I could scarcely believe it when Draco met me in the prefect's bathroom a few nights later, a shining Inquisitorial Squad badge pinned to his robes. I should have expected it, he was a Malfoy after all, but a part of me thought that Draco should have known I was a part of this secret group that Umbridge was trying to destroy and would therefor stay out of Harry's way for once. Maybe I should have told him then, but defiance and stubbornness prevented me from making the confession.

In a desperate attempt to keep the peace between us, I forbade Draco from asking me anything about the secret group. Much to my surprise, he never suspected that I was deeply involved and agreed, albeit grudgingly, that we would avoid the subject.

Much to my dismay, it didn't take long for him to break his promise. By November Umbridge had grown increasingly more frustrated and was putting immense pressure on the Squad to put a stop to Harry's secret club. That Saturday, the rest of our class had gone off to Hogsmeade and I had feigned illness to stay behind.

Draco seemed strange, more uptight than usual as we sat on the edge of the giant bathtub, holding hands. After a few minutes of idle conversation, he stood and turned his back to me, his shoulders tense. "What do you know about what Potter's doing in the Room of Requirement?"

As I opened my mouth to deny any knowledge, Draco turned back to me, his eyes sparking with annoyance. "Don't try to tell me you know nothing, I'm not stupid, Clara."

I clenched my jaw, my muscles tightening as I stood. "We're not talking about that, you promised me."

Draco let out a low, frustrated growl, his impatience evident in the way he balled his fists. "I'm a part of the Inquisitorial Squad, you know."

"And that matters to me how? Am I supposed to betray my friends for the sake of a Malfoy? All you're doing is reminding me of why we're a terrible idea."

"Then why don't you leave?!"

He spat the words at me, his sudden outburst catching me off guard, but it wasn't completely unexpected; he was Draco Malfoy and Draco Malfoy lashed out when he couldn't get his way.

Trying to defuse the situation, I took my turn rolling my eyes. "Stop being ridiculous, you tosser." Standing up on my tippy toes I planted a soft, lingering kiss on his lips, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist. Just as I'd predicted, his lips softened to mine, his arms snaking around my waist to pull me closer and I breathed a mental sigh of relief at having put off this fight for a later day.

Perhaps deep down we both knew that our relationship couldn't last. But that knowledge, among other things, was just another thing we chose to push down and ignore, pretending it didn't exist at all.

* * *

 **December**

December arrived in the blink of an eye this time. Between school work and the Inquisitorial Squad, Clara and I had precious few moments together that fall and now she would be traveling home for the holiday. Potter's stupid, secret club had caused undue tension between us and I was determined to make sure she didn't change her mind about me while we were separated. On the morning of her birthday, I asked her to meet me in the dungeons that night, pressing to her the importance of the meeting.

That night, as the door opened behind me, I drew a deep breath, thumbing the small box in my pocket. Her footsteps echoed through the room as she approached and I could feel my heart racing faster with every step. Clara came to a stop beside me, her eyes wide with surprise as she took in her surroundings. A satisfied grin tugged at my lips. I had gone through the great effort of filling the room with candles, knowing she would think me romantic.

As I stared at her I was sure I had never seen anything as beautiful as her face in the soft candlelight and all I wanted was to stare at her forever. Unable to hold back, I cupped her face gently, her skin soft and warm beneath my fingers. A light blush spread across her cheeks, making her all the more entrancing to look at. Almost reluctantly, I closed my eyes and captured her lips with mine.

Clara seemed happy with me despite all the things that should, and had kept us apart. There was no loathing or disgust when she looked at me, just tenderness and acceptance. Not that she approved of some of my opinions, I certainly didn't approve of some of hers, but it was nice to have someone in my life who could look past all of that and see the best in me; the person I deep down wanted to be. Maybe it was her bright light that drew me to her in the first place. Maybe it was exactly what I needed amid all the darkness inside of me. Fear nagged in the back of my head, fear that that darkness would swallow all of her light and leave her empty and hollow. Deep down I knew that if I wasn't selfish I would have ended this before it began, but I had never been able to be that self sacrificing.

We pulled away from each other in unison, a soft chuckle erupting from her beautiful lips. "Happy birthday to me."

In an effort to hide my nervousness, I grinned in my usual Malfoy way, "that wasn't your gift." Before I could change my mind, I pulled the small box out of my pocket and held it out towards her, her eyes growing wide with amazement. "Happy birthday, Clara."

I noted the subtle trembling of her hands as she took the box, her eyes still glued to it. Watching her unwrapping the gift meticulously was slow torture and I thought for sure my heart would escape my chest. I had never given anyone a meaningful gift before and the fear of rejection was overwhelming.

"Draco," my name was merely a whisper on Clara's lips as she held up the delicate, silver chain in the candlelight, the small, oval locket glistening before her eyes. "I can't- this is too much!"

"Don't be stupid, I'm rich." Only after the words had left my lips did I remember how much she hated it when I flaunted my wealth. "It's not just an expensive piece of jewelry," I added softly. "It has a special concealment charm that makes it appear empty to everyone but the ones you wish to tell."

"So, if I open it right now, am I going to find a picture of you in it?" she teased.

"I had something better in mind."

With a conspiratorial grin, I reached into my book bag and pulled out the camera mother had given me for my birthday that year. Catching on immediately Clara came to stand beside me. As we stood there, arms wrapped around each other and smiling for the camera, she suddenly pressed her soft lips to my cheek. In an instant I was filled with a pleasant warmth, despite the chill of the dungeon.

It was strange looking down on our happy faces, her eyes sparkling with joy as she pressed a kiss to my cheek. The painful knowledge that I didn't deserve her crept its way out of the hole I had buried it in and stuck itself on the forefront of my mind. Don't be ridiculous, you're a Malfoy!

Shaking the unpleasant thoughts from my mind, I looked up to find Clara struggling with the clasp in front of one of the mirrors. Gently, I took the chain from her hands and clasped it for her, before embracing her from behind. My chin came to rest on our shoulder, as she leaned her head against mine.

All I wanted was to hold her forever, but much like all good things, this night too had to end. As the clock ticked closer and closer to curfew Clara grew more and more tense, until we were finally forced to say our goodbyes for the night. I returned to the dormitory alone, feeling more confused than I ever had, wondering about all the strange, new emotions I was experiencing and what they would come to mean when the whole world inevitably changed…

* * *

"Clara," the soft whisper broke through the haze of my sleep, an uninvited interruption to the pleasant dreams I'd been having. I groaned, irritated that I had been awoken.

"Clara, you have to get up," Lavender kept insisting next to my ear, the hint of alarm in her tone causing my eyes to snap open.

"What's wrong?!"

Lavender looked down at her hands. "Something's happened to your uncle. Ron and the others have already gone."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and welcome if you're new here!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you, as always, for being patient! I worked harder and agonized more over this chapter than I have any of the previous ones.**

 **Feedback is always appreciated!**

* * *

The moment I stepped out of the fireplace, dad was there, standing in the small sitting room with his arms outstretched. As I threw my arms around him, I suddenly felt like a traitor. Would he have been so quick to embrace me had he known I had been consorting with the enemy. I pushed the thought out of my mind, now was not the time.

"Welcome home, sweetheart!"

"Not _really_ home though, is it dad."

His face fell, an awkward silence settling between us. I wanted to slap myself; since when did I act like such a teenager. Squeezing his arm gently, I changed the subject, "so, how's uncle Arthur?"

Dad seized the opportunity, no doubt grateful he wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he was the parent of a teenager. "Oh, he'll be fine, thanks to Harry."

I breathed a small sigh of relief. Uncle Arthur and aunt Molly had always been there for me when dad was busy at the ministry and I had come to view them as a second set of parents rather than just my aunt and uncle. Parents; mum. The thought was so sudden it caught me off guard. I had almost completely forgotten about the conversation I had promised myself I would have with dad. The house suddenly seemed too quiet. Now was not the best time, I told myself, as I made my way up the stairs with my bag. Ginny's things were already strewn about the small bedroom but the girl herself was nowhere in sight. The room looked the same as it had all summer, with its two twin size beds sitting on either side of the window and a small nightstand with candles in between.

Privacy wasn't much of an option between sharing a room with Ginny and the Order members and their children coming and going. Sirius Black had been gracious enough to allow my family to live full time at Grimmauld Place, but a part of me wished he hadn't. I desperately longed for the comfort of my own bedroom and the quiet of the countryside. City life had never appealed to me and I doubted it ever would.

Eventually aunt Molly returned from St. Mungos with my cousins and we all gathered in the kitchen for dinner, with the exception of Sirius, who politely declined the invitation. Looking around at my family, everyone engaged in pleasant conversation, my stomach was in knots. Maybe if I broached the subject of mum with everyone around dad would be more inclined to at least promise me we would talk about it later, instead of simply shutting me down.

"Dad?" I began cautiously when I was satisfied everyone else was too engrossed in their own conversations to pay us much mind.

"Yes, dear?"

Unsuspecting of what was to come, he didn't even look up from his plate.

"Did mum have a job?"

Dad froze, his entire body tense. I noted the strange look he shared with aunt Molly, before answering: "ah, why do you ask?"

I shrugged in an effort to not seem too eager. "We hardly ever talk about her and I'm… curious."

"Ah, well, hm-" dad fumbled over his words and I wondered if I was about to hear the truth or yet another lie, "your mother's job was very boring."

I sighed. "And this boring job was…?"

"She, er, worked for a minor politician. You know, handling his campaign and making sure people knew who he was."

"That doesn't sound terribly boring."

"Well, you know, your mother was good but uh, he never gained much traction so…"

In that moment, I knew I wasn't going to get more details out of him. Anger surged through me like electricity through my veins and I had to dig my nails into the flesh on my arm to keep myself composed. What secrets were my parents hiding and why didn't anyone think that I deserved to know the truth. It was hard to believe that if mum's story was true dad would insist on lying to me for all these years, especially now that I clearly had questions. Shocked at my own anger, I had to take a moment to compose myself. Did I have a dark side? Was that why I was inexplicably attracted to Draco of all people?

"Dad, I want to know more about mum." It was a miracle my voice didn't crack between the anger and desperation I was feeling.

A heavy sigh left his lips. "Clara, there are things about your mother… I promise I will tell you everything, but can it please wait until the end of term?"

Impatient as I was, I didn't want to wait until end of term to find out more about mum, but it would seem I had no choice. Much like myself, dad couldn't be pushed into revealing something he wasn't ready to. Defeated, I forced a smile and nodded. "Of course."

A moment passed in silence, as I returned to shuffling the food around my plate, disappointment weighing heavy on my mind. Slowly, the conversation around us picked up once more but the tension remained. I doubted dad was happy that I'd brought up mum in front of the whole family, but what choice did I have when he had always refused to talk about her.

"Where did you get that locket?"

I looked up at dad's words, my hand instinctively finding the silver charm hanging around my neck. The conversation around the table suddenly like white noise in my ears. I glanced at Ron out of the corner of my eye, he was silent, his face full of suspicion as he pretended he wasn't listening. I swallowed hard.

"It's very pretty, I've never noticed it before," dad continued, an awkward smile on his face.

"I- a friend gave it to me for my birthday."

Dad raised an eyebrow slightly. "A friend or a boy?"

I was pretty sure my cheeks were turning as red as Ron's hair. Quickly, I ducked my head and pretended to be captivated by the delicate table cloth aunt Molly had thrown over the old dining table. "Lavender gave it to me, dad. It's a friendship locket."

"Oh, that was sweet of her."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I returned to my plate. Despite dad being a relaxed parent when it came to me dating, I doubted he would take very kindly to me dating a Malfoy. If that's even what we were doing. A frown creased my brow as I realized we had never actually decided what it was we were doing. Was he my boyfriend? Were we casual snogging buddies? The thought of asking him made me feel sick to my stomach. Somehow, I doubted it was a conversation Draco was capable of having…

I didn't dare a glance at Ron, but could feel his eyes trying to catch mine. He knew the locket wasn't from Lavender and me claiming that it was raised his suspicions of its origins. Surely there were a million other lies I could have told, but being put on the spot I hadn't thought of a single one.

All I had to do now was avoid being alone with Ron for the rest of the holiday and maybe, just maybe, he would forget all about the locket and the lie I had told.

* * *

"You lied," Ron accused, closing the door behind him as he entered the bedroom.

Slowly, I lowered the book I was reading. His eyes bore into me, hard and unwavering, his arms crossed in front of his chest in a confrontational manner.

"What did I lie about, Ronald?"

"I'm not stupid, Clara. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

I had known all along there was no denying it, my words were meant to buy me time to think of a lie, but for the life of me I couldn't think of one that would be good enough. Ron would never believe the locket was from Seamus, nor would he accept the answer of a secret admirer. And no answer would explain why I had lied to dad about it, apart from the truth. I did the only thing I knew how to do; I became defensive.

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't matter, Clara! You lied about it!"

The anger was like lightning out of a clear blue sky. There was no build up, no warning; it simply appeared inside of me, boiling over in a matter of seconds. "You're not my keeper, Ronald Weasley!"

For once he was silent, staring at me with wide eyes, frozen like he was made out of stone.

"You treat me like I'm a kid, like you're entitled to know everything about my life! You don't even act this protective of Ginny and she is your actual sister!"

My angry tirade was met with silence, as Ron continued to stand frozen. I wondered if he would surprise me by considering my words, or if he would do what he always did and argue. The seconds ticked by painfully slowly, as we continued to stare at each other.

"You're right," Ron's words were quiet, "but I still remember what it was like when your mum died."

"Wh-what?"

Ron drew an audible breath, lowering himself onto the foot end of my small bed. "You cried all the time and I was the only one who could make you feel better. Not even Fred and George's pranks made you crack a smile at first!" he looked down at his hands, "do you remember the kids from the village?"

I shook my head. I didn't remember much of anything from the time dad and I had lived with my aunt and uncle.

"There was a small group of wizarding kids in the village, they used to come up to the fields around The Burrow to play. Vicious little buggers, probably kids of dark wizards… Anyway, they used to tease you mercilessly and you were too scare to tell your dad, so I did what any big brother would do."

The anger faded away as quickly as it had appeared, leaving me with nothing but a softened heart. Maybe I had been too hard on Ron all this time.

I smiled weakly. "Don't- don't take this the wrong way but…" my words died mid-sentence and I had to take a moment to muster up the courage to say what I needed to say. "You're not my big brother," Ron opened his mouth to protest but I raised a hand to stop him, "I can take care of myself now."

Silence fell between us, the tension of not knowing what he was thinking making it hard to breathe.

"I suppose I know that," he looked up at me, a weak grin tugging at his lips, "takes the pressure off of me, doesn't it, you being all capable and what not."

With a playful shove, we launched into friendly conversation about school and about Dumbledore's Army. I teased him about Lavender and we laughed well into the night. For once things felt almost normal again, like Voldemort wasn't out there, like I wasn't keeping secrets from everyone I cared about.

The matter of the locket had been completely forgotten and I was glad. Lying had never been something I was good at or enjoyed, which was funny because it felt like I had done nothing but since meeting Draco. If there had ever been a sign that our relationship was doomed, that had been it, but I wasn't ready to listen until it was too late…

* * *

Looking back now, I should have seen the avalanche coming. Despite Umbridge making our time at school less than enjoyable, things were quiet for the most part. Removed from the outside world, there were scarce news of Death Eater activity and with Ron having finally realized that his behavior was uncalled for, my life had returned to its easy nature.

The calm before the storm.

The portrait hole swung open before me. The common room was silent, even the night owls having long since gone to bed. Crossing the threshold, the portrait swinging closed behind me, I let out the breath I had unintentionally been holding.

Every night that Draco and I weren't caught served to embolden us and every night, we pushed the limits, staying out later and later. I was playing with fire, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Where have ye been?"

The sudden, acidic voice caused me to jump, my heart feeling like galloping horses inside my chest. I looked around frantically, my eyes landing on a dark figure in the corner. Seamus. I had been so preoccupied congratulating myself on not getting caught that I hadn't noticed him upon entering the room.

He advanced slowly, his eyes dark and unreadable, a sense of foreboding hanging in the air.

Gathering my thoughts, I stared him down defiantly. "What's it to you?"

Seamus lowered his gaze and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. "Did ye love me?" his voice was quiet, shaky, his question catching me completely off guard.

"What?"

His eyes snapped up to meet mine, his expression hard and demanding. "Did ye love me?" he repeated slowly.

I wanted to say yes, but I hadn't ever been sure of what I felt towards him. I looked at him now, seeing him with brand new eyes. Seamus was cute, he was kind and considerate, but the bitterness and anger he had displayed lately twisted his features into something I didn't recognize. He used to make me laugh and I had liked how safe and predictable things had been between us. I wanted to love him. I should have loved him. But was I ready at just fifteen years old to love anyone? Did I even really know what love was? Suddenly it seemed that the room was spinning, and I found it difficult to breathe. Clenching my teeth, I fought to remain standing.

"It's not tha- "

"DID YE LOVE ME, CLARA?!"

Silence hung in the air as I struggled to catch my breath after his sudden outburst. He was enraged, his eyes burning like hot coals, his breathing hard and ragged. My hands trembled at my sides.

"It's not that simple, Seamus." The words were no louder than a whisper.

"It's a yes or no question, Clara. It's not complicated."

I drew a deep breath, becoming increasingly more agitated by his pressing. "We're only fifteen, I'm not even sure I know what love feels like."

He flinched, his eyes suddenly full of pain, his voice dark. "What if I asked ye if ye love Malfoy?"

My heart stopped for a moment and I had to look away from his knowing stare. The walls of the common room seemed to be closing in, the air disappearing, leaving my lungs to struggle and constrict painfully.

"What does Malfoy have to do with anything?"

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid. I saw the two of ye that night when I asked ye to be my girlfriend. Ye were about to kiss him."

I wanted to run away, to escape up the stairs and into the safety of my room but something held me there, glued to the spot as I listened in horror to Seamus's confession.

"I was coming to walk ye back to the common room. I- I had a present for ye but I dropped it trying to get away from what I was seeing."

His words were like a rush of cold water in my lungs. With shaky hands, I reached into my book bag and pulled out the leather-bound notebook I had forgotten about until now. Seamus's eyes widened at the sight of it. He swallowed hard, taking the book out of my hands.

"Why him? Of all the people in this school you choose Malfoy."

The disgust and disappointment in his voice caused me to flinch. There was no use trying to deny it. Seamus averted his gaze. I felt the warmth of a tear rolling down my cheek. A look of disgust flickered on his face and for a moment, I thought my heart might break. My intention had never been to hurt him, it had only been an unfortunate side effect of the selfish choices I had made.

"I'm sorry, Seamus," my voice quivered with the effort of holding back the tears threatening to spill.

He refused to look at me, his expression one of pure anguish. "You can keep this," the notebook landed at my feet with a thud, as Seamus turned and disappeared up the spiral staircase.

Drawing a deep, shuddering breath I sank to the floor, defeated. When had things gotten so messy? At what point had I become this person, this person that never considered their actions might have consequences and a price that someone else might have to pay.

I bit my lip to stifle its quivering, but it was too late; the dam broke, and the tears came flooding down my cheeks in silence.

* * *

The confrontation with Seamus re-awakened my feelings of guilt and shame and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to look at Draco. Had Seamus known the effect he would have on me? Had he done it on purpose? I knew he hadn't, but wondering was easier than to simply admit that the feelings had been inside of me all along, I had simply chosen to ignore them because I couldn't face the reality that what I was doing was wrong.

Despite knowing I couldn't avoid dealing with my feelings forever, I tried my hardest. I threw my all into Dumbledore's Army, hoping it would stifle the growing anxiety and help me forget about everything else.

Harry had been teaching us how to summon a Patronus and most of us were close to getting the hang of it. That night, I worked harder than I had at anything all year, throwing all of my energy behind the spell, burying my emotions with work.

The joy was indescribable when all of that effort paid off and a silver sliver flew out of my wand, materializing into a playful fox. With a joyful laugh, Lavender nudged me, showing off her own Patronus; a graceful swan that floated in the air around us. Looking around the room, I could see other happy Patronuses running around, it would seem everyone had succeeded at conjuring one today. A rabbit bounced happily around the room and the air was almost static with excitement.

Suddenly, the floor trembled beneath us, the elaborate chandelier that hung above us shaking threateningly. A muted boom echoed through the stone walls. The Patronuses disappeared, dissolving into thin air as we all gazed around at each other nervously. Lavender grabbed a hold of my hand, she was trembling, wand gripped tightly in her other hand. The large mirror on the wall shattered with another boom, to reveal a small hole in the stone wall.

Heart pounding, I watched as Harry slowly made his way towards the wall and peeked into the hole. It was as if time suddenly sped up and no one had much time to react.

Harry whirled back around, his eyes wide with panic.

"Get down!" he ordered, running back towards the group.

He had scarcely made it to a safe distance when it happened; the entire wall exploded, and chunks of stone came hurtling at us through the cloud of dust. Frozen in fear and shock, I stared as a large chunk came flying straight at my head. Before I could react, I felt something heavy slamming into my side, knocking me off my feet. My body hit the floor with a thud, a sharp pain radiating through my side. Once the dust settled, I was looking right at the nasty face of Umbridge, accompanied by Filch and the members of her inquisitorial squad.

There, among the gloating faces stood Draco, his fists closed tightly around Cho Chang's robes. It took a moment for my brain to connect the dots, my ribs protesting as I forced myself to sit up. Disbelief colored the faces of everyone around me; she had sold us out. Draco's eyes met mine, widening for a moment, worry passing through his face. I knew he had suspected he would find me here among the others, but probably hoped against all odds he wouldn't.

"Get them!" Umbridge ordered and the Slytherins moved to obey like a group of mindless soldiers.

Without hesitation, Draco shoved Cho towards Filch, before striding into the room with the rest of them. His fingers closed around my arm dragging me to my feet as gently as he could without looking suspicious, while his friends rounded up all of mine. I pulled at my arm, trying to escape his grip in vain.

It made no sense to resent him as much as I did in that moment. After all, I had known all along he was a part of the Inquisitorial Squad; I had even known he was helping Umbridge in her efforts to put an end to the DA. Perhaps I had hoped that he was leading her astray for my sake. A foolish hope, really. Draco Malfoy would always be Draco Malfoy.

Students and teachers stared as we passed, sympathy and disappointment coloring most of their gazes. I felt Draco's footsteps slowing and despite my best efforts we fell behind the rest of the group.

"Are you alright?"

"Are you happy?" I shot back and couldn't hide the disdain in my voice. I felt him flinch at my words.

"Maybe you should stop hanging around Potter and breaking so many rules instead of blaming me for doing the right thing."

 _The right thing!_ I could feel my temperature rising, my cheeks growing flushed with anger. Had we been alone I probably would have hit him.

"Maybe you should stop being such a spineless little ferret."

His grip tightened, he was hurting me now. I knew him well enough to know my words had angered him, I had chosen them with the intention of hurting him, after all. His pride was still wounded from the ferret incident in our fourth year.

The entire Dumbledore's Army was piled into Umbridge's classroom and ordered to sit. Draco shoved me into a seat, harder than he needed to and I averted my eyes defiantly, refusing to look at him. The Inquisitorial Squad was tasked with keeping an eye on the rest of us, while Umbridge herself took Harry and Cho up to Dumbledore's office with the intention of confronting him.

We sat in our seats and awaited our punishment, each ticking of the clock strengthening our resolve. I could feel Draco's eyes on me, willing me to look at him. Angry and betrayed, I refused. Though most of my anger was directed at myself. I had known all along what kind of a person Draco Malfoy was, he hadn't made any attempts to hide it; but my treacherous heart still refused to believe that there wasn't any good in him. Even now.

Lavender leaned closer, a curious look in her eyes.

"Malfoy keeps staring at you," she whispered.

"Yeah, I've noticed."

"I saw you falling behind the rest of us…"

"Please, Lav, I don't really want to talk about it."

She accepted my refusal, no matter how reluctantly. The subject of Draco and I had remained unspoken between the two of us. She knew without me having to tell her and because she didn't approve, we didn't discuss it.

Umbridge returned from Dumbledore's office flustered, working hard to keep her composure and to everyone's surprise, there was no speech, no "I'm doing this for your own good". She informed us we would be doing lines every day after classes for a month, her voice tight as she spoke. Ron and I locked eyes across the room, both of us knowing exactly what kind of lines she was talking about. No doubt the Inquisitorial Squad felt like we were getting away with murder, but they didn't know…

* * *

Finding out Dumbledore had fled and that Umbridge was now Headmistress was like a blanket of gray settling over the entire school. Students were no longer happy, save for the Slytherins, and teachers were seething with repressed anger. The days drug on painfully slowly.

Detention with Umbridge was torture, literally. The pain had been manageable at first, the wound on my hand just a painful scratch; but nothing could have prepared me for the following week when the scratch turned into an open wound and every stroke of the quill sliced through the skin with ease.

It became harder and harder not to feel intense hate; hate towards Cho and hate towards Draco. Yet, when the pain was at its worst, I found myself reaching for the small locket hanging around my neck, as if it would lend me the strength to persevere.

Our second week of detention drew to a close. My hand was throbbing, blood slowly trickling down to my fingers and all I wanted was to reach Gryffindor tower and spend the weekend in bed. I never even saw it coming until it was too late, and I had been pulled into a dark, deserted classroom. An involuntary gasp escaped my lips as a hand clapped over my mouth.

"Don't scream."

As soon as the hands released their grip on me, I wheeled around to face my abductor. A bitter chuckle arose from my throat. "I should have known."

"You've been avoiding me," Draco kept his voice low, his tone betraying a hint of sadness. "I didn't know what else to do, I just wanted you to talk to me."

"Was me ignoring you not hint enough, Malfoy?! I don't want to speak to you!"

It all happened so fast, as I pushed past him to walk out the door, he grabbed a hold of my hand, a blinding pain shooting through the nerves in my body, causing my knees to buckle. Instinctively, I attempted to pull my hand away, but it was too late, Draco had seen enough. With a firm grasp, he gripped my wrist and held my hand up to his face, his eyes sparking with fury as he examined the bleeding wound.

It took a moment before understanding dawned on his face.

"The lines."

I exhaled, tired of fighting and tired of holding on to the anger and resentment.

"Umbridge has _special_ quills."

No doubt Draco felt that the rest of my friends deserved the punishment but not me. The anger in his eyes quickly morphed into regret, his expression growing pained.

"I'm sorry."

I was unsure of what to say. The part of me that was tired wanted to reach out to him for comfort, while the other part blamed him for his part in all of it. Conflicted, I stayed silent.

Taking my silence as a sign of his victory, Draco pulled me gently into a chair. His hand disappeared into the pocket of his pants, emerging a moment later holding a white kerchief. He sank to his knees in front of me, his eyes fixed on my wounded hand. Holding it gingerly, he wrapped the kerchief around the wound and fastened it as gently as he could.

The silence between us persisted, but he wouldn't let go of my hand. I glanced down at his long fingers wrapped softly around mine and let my thumb brush against his. It was a bad idea, but I was losing control fast.

Draco took my actions as an invitation and entwined his fingers with mine. The rest of the world quickly forgotten again, as we stole a moment in the deserted classroom.

The moon shone through the window, illuminating his face with its gentle light and making it even harder for me to resist his charms. His free hand brushed against my cheek gently and a small, subtle smile graced his lips.

"You are beautiful." His voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. What was he doing to me, why was I so vulnerable in front of him. I wanted to turn away from him, but something held me in place.

Before I could stop it, his face was inches from mine, his breath hot against my skin. The touch of his lips against mine set off an explosion of sensations, emotions raging wild inside of me. Draco kissed me, softly and I didn't resist, I couldn't. It certainly wasn't the first time we'd kissed and yet it was different from all the other times. His kiss felt pure and loving. Nowhere did I sense even the slightest hint of possession or hunger.

One moment, Draco was there, within arm's reach and the next his lips were gone, cruelly torn away from mine. Without a word, he stood and turned away, leaving me confused and fighting the feelings his kiss had awoken within me.

For a time, he simply stood there, staring out the window silently. I stood slowly, my legs shaky. "Draco…"

In a split second he had lunged at me, pinning me against the wall behind me. As my back hit the cold stone, I felt his cold hands wrapping themselves around my wrists. My heart was pounding, my breathing quickened. This wasn't what I wanted, I wanted the Draco I had seen a moment ago.

But when his lips came crashing into mine, I didn't resist. My treacherous lips responded with hunger and passion, my mind screaming for my body to stop. It wasn't until his hands began wandering down towards the hem of my skirt that I came to my senses and pushed at his chest. Draco wouldn't budge, his hands slowly sliding up my thighs.

"Stop," I pleaded, my words muffled by his lips.

Finally, Draco tore himself away, his eyes unreadable. No words were spoken but I knew he could see the anger in my eyes and that he realized the mistake he had made. Confused beyond belief, I quickly gathered up my things and hurried out of the room. A white, hot anger was slowly building up inside of me. He was Draco Malfoy, what the hell had I been thinking. I was angry that he had made me feel helpless but most of all, I was angry that I had let myself end up in that situation. How many times did he need to show me his true colors, before I finally believed him...


	16. Chapter 16

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* * *

Leaning my chin against my knees, I sat on the bed with the curtains drawn. It was as much privacy as I could hope for currently. Lavender had tried to pry but I had shut her down and like a good best friend, she had left me alone.

I shut my eyes tightly as if it would help stop the barrage of memories playing through my mind. Images of Draco kept flashing before my eyes; our first kiss in the bathroom, the night of the yule ball when we danced atop the Astronomy Tower, every jealous look, every longing gaze. My mind refused to let me forget, refused to let me get even a moments rest.

The anger and heartbreak mingled so perfectly, until I couldn't be sure of what I felt. It was as if all the time I had spent pushing down my feelings had left me unable to handle them, unable to identify exactly what it was I felt. How could I be heartbroken over someone that made me so angry, why did I miss him.

Frustrated, I buried my face in a pillow, screaming silently. Snapping out of it was my only choice; I had given myself a few days to mope before I would pick up the pieces and continue on as if Draco had never happened. Of course, in my stubbornness, I would never admit it was easier said than done.

The weekend came and went and on Monday I dragged myself out of bed and went about my day as if nothing had happened, my insides screaming at me the entire time. Determined not to be that girl, I silenced the voices in my brain, filling my time with anything and everything between classes. For once, detention with Umbridge was a strange sort of relief. It was hard to think of anything else, when every stroke of the quill sliced into your skin.

Of course, that relief couldn't last forever.

As the group was piling out of the classroom, I heard my name called out from the front of the classroom. Freezing dead in my tracks, I glanced behind me to see Umbridge smiling at me. Ron looked like he might attack her then and there, but at my pleading look he allowed Hermione to drag him away and I was left alone in the lair of the beast.

"Miss Weasley," Umbridge began, her tone attempting to seem empathetic and understanding, "I have been informed that you wish to share some important information with me but have been too frightened to do so in front of your peers."

I frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean, headmistress."

Umbridge cocked her head slightly to the side, her smile soft and warm, despite the coldness in her eyes.

"A student has come forward and told me that you confided in them. They informed me that you were threatened and coerced into joining this Dumbledore's Army."

Draco. I knew it the moment the words left Umbridge's lips. He was attempting to make up for what he had done by giving me a way out of detention. Did he honestly think that I would sell out my friends just to save myself? My head was reeling. Despite his questionable beliefs and morals, I had thought Draco knew me better than that.

I stared at Umbridge, letting my confusion show.

"I'm sure I have no idea who would make these claims but-"

"Draco Malfoy, Miss Weasley."

Umbridge was clearly trying to catch me off guard, cause me to slip up. I put on my most patient smile and continued as if she hadn't spoken. "As I was saying, I was neither threatened nor coerced. I joined because it was the right thing to do."

Fury flashed behind her calm composure.

"Oh dear, it seems that you still haven't learned your lesson, Miss Weasley. Well, maybe a few more weeks of detention will help you see the light. Of course, I would hate to have to keep you after all of your friends have finished."

My eyes narrowed at the threat.

"I have nothing more to say, headmistress. May I go now?"

"Certainly, wouldn't want you to miss dinner."

* * *

I leaned against the statue, hands in my pockets, my composure casual, my insides threatening to revolt. Clara would be walking out of the classroom at any moment and I wanted mine to be the first face she saw. I wondered if she would throw her arms around me straight away, or if she could contain herself until we were in a more private setting. The thought of her smiling at me, embracing me, sent a thrill traveling through my veins. I had messed up earlier, taken things too far, but this would more than make up for it.

The door flew open and Clara stepped out, closing the door a little too hard behind her. It took her merely a second to spot me and when our eyes met I felt myself shrinking back. Her emerald eyes were dark and stormy, lightning bolts practically hurtling at me. We stood there, staring at each other for what seemed like forever, a wordless exchange passing between us. Clara wasn't happy with what I had done.

"What were you thinking?!" she finally hissed through clenched teeth.

"I wanted to help," my voice was more defiant than I intended, I had expected gratitude and couldn't understand why she was angry.

"Did you honestly think that I was the kind of person who would take her offer?!"

"I thought you were smart."

Clara looked stricken and I quickly realized I had said the wrong thing again. I couldn't seem to figure out what she wanted to hear, and the frustration was becoming unbearable. With everyone else, I knew exactly which buttons to push according to desired effect; I knew how to manipulate and play their strings, but not with Clara. With her I became a bumbling idiot, always saying and doing the wrong thing, very rarely getting it right.

She wasn't impressed by the Malfoy name or wealth, didn't care about the purity of my blood or the perks that came with being me. Our ideals were wildly different, and we had very little in common; so why were we so hopelessly intertwined.

I watched her shaking her head, a disgusted look on her face now, my heart threatening to shatter.

"I thought you knew me better than that, but I suppose you never cared to even try."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come off it, Malfoy! You've made it very clear you were only ever interested in one thing from me."

Shocked, I took a step back without even realizing it, her words cutting me to the core.

"What?"

Clara's glare had hardened, her face full of determination.

"I'm not that girl and I refuse to become her. Stay away from me from now on."

As she turned to walk away, I reached for her arm in desperation. This wasn't goodbye, it couldn't be, not after everything we had gone through to finally get here. Clara snatched her arm from my reach and hurried out of sight, casting me one last disgusted glare, before she disappeared around a corner. Disbelief rendered me speechless. What had just happened; how had things gone so wrong.

I stared at the spot where she had stood for a long time, a lump forming slowly in my throat. Her words had seemed final, like she truly never wanted to see me again, but that couldn't be. Whatever it was that we shared, however strange, had to be stronger than a little spat. Didn't it…

I couldn't be bothered with dinner that night, the encounter with Clara had killed my appetite and I just wanted to be alone. I hardly even noticed the passage of time, until the door to the room opened and the quiet boy, whose name I didn't know, came striding in. He froze for a moment, his brown eyes full of surprise, no doubt at finding Draco Malfoy without Crabbe and Goyle, before averting his gaze and hurrying to his bed. I watched as he pulled a book out of his bag and proceeded to study as if I wasn't there. It was strange that he had been our roommate for five years now and none of us knew his name nor had we ever spoken to him.

"Alfred, Alfie for short," he spoke as if he could read my thoughts.

Stunned into silence, I simply sat there, staring at him.

"You love her," he continued matter of factly, his face finally looking up from his book. "The dark haired Weasley girl, I mean. You don't know it, probably won't admit it, but you do."

"How do you-"

"Know?" he shrugged. "People don't notice me, so I observe more than most. You've been staring at her for five years when you think no one is looking and when Crabbe and Goyle began to complain that you had started disappearing for hours, I put two and two together."

"They-"

Alfred shook his head. "They don't even suspect, those two are thicker than trolls."

It was beginning to irritate me how he seemed to know exactly what I was going to say before I said it, and yet I couldn't snap at him, couldn't muster my usual Malfoy attitude. How was it that we had gone for five whole years without hardly noticing this boy and, yet he knew even my deepest secret. Was he right, I wondered, did I truly feel the L-word.

I shook my head. "It was fun while it lasted but it's all over now."

Alfred smiled, like he knew something I didn't, before returning to his book and letting silence fall between us once more.

I shuddered, overcome by a sudden, uneasy feeling.

* * *

The next few months, Draco and I avoided even looking at each other and I told myself it was better this way.

"Yet you won't take that locket off," Lavender had pointed out, not buying it when I said I was done with Draco for good.

What I didn't tell her, was that I had tried to take it off, but something held me back every time. It was as if my heart was clinging to that one, final piece of him, refusing to loosen its grip so that I could move on. Some nights I would open the locket and look at the picture inside, a strange, gaping emptiness inside of me. I didn't want to miss him, things would have been simpler if I didn't.

Just as it seemed like the avalanche had finally come to an end and life would continue on as it had before, everything came to a head in a way none of us would ever have expected.

The common room was empty that night, most students already up in their rooms, as Neville and I sat at one of the tables, working on our end of the year project for Herbology. The project had been difficult so far, Herbology wasn't my strong suit and I was glad for Neville's help.

As I was finishing up the last paragraph, the portrait hole swung open and Ginny came flying through, looking flustered, her breathing hard like she'd been running. A moment later, Luna Lovegood stepped through, her expression serene. Unsure what to make of the scene, Neville and I stood, staring at the two curiously.

"They're in trouble!" Ginny managed to blurt out between breaths.

"Who?" Neville asked, the confusion in his voice reflecting how I felt.

"Harry Potter and his friends, of course," Luna replied, her voice as dreamy as ever.

Ginny, who had managed to get her breathing under control, looked at me with desperation.

"Umbridge caught them trying to use her fireplace. They were trying to get to the Ministry, Harry had another vision, he thinks Sirius is in danger."

My mind was running a million miles a minute. We'd need to save Harry and the others from Umbridge's claws, but if Sirius Black really was in danger, we'd also need to alert the Order. The world seemed to suddenly shift, my mind working faster, formulating a plan.

"Do you think you two can distract Umbridge while Neville and I alert the Order?"

Ginny frowned.

"How are you going to get there in time? All the fireplaces are monitored by Umbridge."

Thanks to Draco, I knew this to not be entirely true.

"I'll explain when we're all safe, right now, we need to hurry."

Ginny hesitated a moment, suspicion coloring her expression. Then, as if remembering we were short on time, she nodded and pulled Luna with her out of the common room.

I stared at the spot where they had stood, the weight of the situation slowly creeping up on me. If we failed, Harry would lose his Godfather and the Order would lose their secret weapon against Voldemort. I drew a deep, shuddering breath, before turning to Neville, heart pounding loudly.

"You've got your wand?" As he nodded in reply, I wrapped my fingers around my own. "Let's go."

It wasn't hard to sneak through the castle towards the dungeons. All of the students were in their dormitories and most of the professors in their offices. Only once did we have to duck into an empty classroom when Peeves came flying down the hallway, singing some obnoxious song.

Once he'd passed, the way downstairs was free and clear. The moment we saw the turn that led to the spiral staircase, my heart nearly skipping with joy. Rounding the last corner, Neville froze out of the blue, causing me to almost crash into him.

"What are you-" I stared in horror at Draco staring back at me, his wand pointed at Neville. The moment his eyes found mine, he hesitated. Looking from me to Neville, I could tell he was feeling torn between wanting to let me go and not wanting to raise suspicion with Neville. The seconds ticked by slowly, my heart slowly picking up speed, until I thought for sure it would burst out of my chest.

"Nice catch, Draco!" A sudden, gloating voice caused me to jump and I knew without turning that the person standing behind us, whose wand was now pressing into my back, was Blaise Zabini.

My eyes glued to Draco's, silently challenging him to not be a coward. After everything he had done, how was I still holding on to hope he might surprise me. My eyes hardened, the doubt in his eyes a small comfort.

His features darkened, as Blaise grabbed a hold of my jumper and pulled me to him roughly. For a moment, Draco looked like he might attack Blaise rather than follow his lead, but then, unsurprisingly, he grabbed a hold of Neville and set off towards the entrance hall.

Seething with anger, I tore myself out of Blaise's grasp. "I can walk, Zabini!"

With a low growl, Blaise grabbed a hold of me again, his grip tighter this time. My eyes wandered towards Draco, his eyes refusing to meet mine. Was it guilt or shame that flickered on his face, as we walked through the empty halls, or was I simply imagining it. Maybe I was projecting because I _wanted_ him to feel guilty and ashamed for betraying me and everything we'd had.

The door to Umbridge's office was wide open when we arrived, and we were greeted by the sight of Umbridge herself, threatening Harry with her wand, demanding he tell her everything. My eyes passed over the others, their faces full of regret and helplessness.

"Found these two skulking around," all eyes turned towards us, as Blaise shoved me through the door towards my friends, Draco following closely, still dragging Neville by his shirt.

Umbridge seemed pleased but didn't speak, her silence much more menacing than when she feigned kindness. Her eyes watched Harry with a crazed intensity.

The brush of a familiar hand against mine warmed my cold skin. Draco was there, standing inconspicuously between Neville and myself, his expression determinedly indifferent. I slid down the sleeve of my jumper, creating a barrier between our hands. I couldn't bear his touch, no matter how small.

"You were going to Dumbledore, weren't you?"

Umbridge's face was inches from Harry's, her eyes still crazed.

"No."

Ginny winced, as the woman's hand connected with Harry's cheek, the slap echoing through the small room. Thankfully, Snape appeared in the doorway, his cool eyes taking in the scene before him.

"You sent for me, headmistress."

Umbridge perked up in an instant, standing up straight to greet the man.

"Ah, yes, Snape. The time has come for answers, whether he wants to give them to me or not. Have you brought the veritaserum?"

"I'm afraid you've used up the last of my stores on interrogating students, the last of it on Miss Chang."

His words settled over the room, as horrified realization dawned on the faces around me. All that time we had spent resenting Cho, excluding and pushing her away, only to find that her betrayal had been forced upon her. Guilt settled in my gut.

Snape spoke but his words were simply noise in my ears, muffled by the growing pounding in my head. There had to be a way to get out of this situation and help Sirius.

"He's got Padfoot!"

Harry's desperate voice broke through the haze inside my head. Snape stopped dead in the doorway, turning back to face him, his expression revealing nothing.

"He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden."

Umbridge looked from Harry to Snape.

"Padfoot? What is Padfoot where what is hidden what is he talking about?!"

There was no reading Snape's expression, as cold and indifferent as ever.

"No idea," with those words, Snape swept out the door and disappeared, leaving us with nothing but a growing sense of despair. Snape had been our last hope, but he had given us no indication that he intended on helping our cause.

The incessant meowing of the dozens of cats covering the walls of the office, was beginning to get on my nerves, the noise making it harder to think. I was sure I would be happy if I never saw another cat for the rest of my life.

Umbridge turned away from Harry, her face determined, as she walked towards the desk in front of us.

"Very well, you give me no choice, Potter. As this is an issue of ministry security, you leave me with… no alternative."

Ron and I glanced at each other, the unease in the room almost tangible. She seemed like a woman pushed to the edge, one ready and willing to go to drastic measures to get her way.

"The Cruciatus curse ought to loosen your tongue."

"It's illegal," Hermione's interjection came without hesitation, her eyes hardened with fear and disbelief.

Draco stiffened beside me. It was obvious that if Harry didn't give her the answers she wanted, she would move on to the rest of us, eventually making her way to me. _Good,_ I thought bitterly, let Draco see the consequences of the choices he's made and feel the guilt of knowing he was the one who caused this.

I squeezed my eyes shut, as Umbridge advanced on Harry menacingly, her wand pointing at his chest. The room was deadly silent, it seemed that not even the Inquisitorial Squad dared to draw breath. Bile rose up in my throat and I was sure I couldn't hold it in much longer.

"Tell her, Harry!" Hermione's desperate shriek pierced the silence, causing Umbridge to stop dead in her tracks.

Confusion colored Harry's features, as he looked back at his friend.

"Tell me what?"

Hermione set her jaw, her face determined. "Well, if you won't tell her where it is, I will!"

"Where what is?!"

"Dumbledore's secret weapon."

It felt as if the air had been instantly sucked out of the room, the walls slowly closing in on us.

No doubt feeling like she had won, Umbridge turned to Hermione, an evil glimmer in her eyes. We watched helplessly, as she took both Harry and Hermione and left the rest of us under the watch of the Inquisitorial Squad. Ron and I looked at each other. I could tell he didn't know what Hermione was planning any more than I did.

After what seemed like an agonizingly long time, Ron shifted on his feet, letting out a low groan.

"I'm hungry," he whined, his eyes staring at me pointedly.

"How can you possibly be hungry at a time like this?!" Ginny demanded, glaring daggers into her brother.

My mind raced in confusion, trying to interpret the look he was giving me. I didn't have any food, all I had were some puking pastilles Fred and George had given me before their grand exit from Hogwarts.

Of course! How could I have been so thick. Glaring at Ron, I dug the packet out of my pocket.

"Here," I said feigning resentment as I tossed it at him, "maybe this'll shut you up."

Crabbe reached out and snatched the packet out of the air, his face gloating.

"We'll take those," Goyle sneered.

The packet traveled around the room from Slytherin to Slytherin, until it was Draco's turn. Without much thought, I snaked my fingers around his wrist and squeezed. His eyes met mine, his expression indifferent. No words were spoken a loud, but we both knew exactly what the other wanted to say. Draco popped the pastille in his mouth, his eyes never leaving mine.

Within minutes, the Slytherins were too busy puking into anything they could find to stop our escape. Snatching Harry and Hermione's wands off the desk, we hurried in pursuit, my friends laughing the whole way out of the castle.

I would have laughed too, had I not been too preoccupied trying to decipher the meaning behind Draco's actions. He had known the pastilles were a trap, yet he had eaten one anyway, allowing us to escape. His actions were confusing to say the least.

No, we didn't have time for this, there were more important things happening. Determined, I refocused my attention and forced myself to push any thoughts of Draco to the back of my mind.

Just as we were crossing the bridge towards the forbidden forest, we saw two, familiar figures running towards us. Somehow, Harry and Hermione had managed to escape from Umbridge's grasp without their wands. Ron regaled them with the story of the puking pastilles, getting a chuckle out of both of them, before the mood turned serious once more. We had a decision to make, one which would have dire consequences no matter what we chose.

"We don't have time for this," Harry insisted, pacing the width of the bridge. "We need to make a decision."

"Perhaps we should go to Grimmauld Place," Hermione suggested cautiously, "get the Order, they'll know exactly how to best handle this."

Harry shook his head. "By the time we reach Grimmauld Place, Sirius could be dead. We should go straight to the ministry."

"And we're supposed to manage against you-know-who how exactly?"

All eyes turned to me as I spoke. "Someone has to be the voice of reason," I found myself muttering defensively.

"Harry's faced him before," Neville chimed in, his voice full of hope.

Harry faced me, his eyes soft, yet somehow hard at the same time, filled with a strength and determination that was rare for someone so young.

"If you want to go get the Order or stay here, go ahead."

I stared back at him in silence. Going to Grimmauld Place was the smart, rational thing to do, but Harry was right, Sirius didn't have that kind of time. I looked around at the faces surrounding me, the faces of my friends, all ready and willing to throw themselves into the fire to help Harry. I doubted me being there would make a difference, but this decision felt bigger than that; this decision would help shape and determine the kind of person, the kind of friend I was going to grow into. It would set a precedent for the relationships I had for the rest of our school years, perhaps the rest of our lives.

"So, how are we going to get to the Ministry?"

Harry nodded in acceptance, a small smile crinkling the corners of his green eyes. This was truly happening, for better or for worse.


	17. Chapter 17

**I know I said this story wasn't going to follow the trio's adventures, but I'm making an exception for the battle at the ministry, for reasons that will make themselves known in this chapter.  
Thank you again for your continued support, every follow and review helps motivate me to keep posting! **

* * *

The ministry was too quiet, the darkness impenetrable, save for the light of our wands. A chill hung in the air, as we stared at the door in front of us. There would be no turning back once it was opened and we would have to face whatever awaited us on the other side.

Harry looked around, as if letting us know this was our last chance to turn back. He was met with nothing but encouraging nods and determined faces. I realized in that moment, just how good of a leader Harry was. We were all willing to follow him into danger, because he inspired courage and loyalty, and it came so naturally to him that it was effortless and completely unintentional. I gripped my wand tighter. I could be this person, this person that went to the ends of the earth for their friends.

Slowly, the door rumbled open, revealing endless rows of shelving, filled to the brim with strange, glowing objects. We approached cautiously, wands at the ready.

"I think," Hermione whispered, leaning closer to the nearest shelf, "these are prophecies."

"Why would Dumbledore's secret weapon be in here?" Ron frowned.

Harry shook his head. He looked just as confused as the rest of us.

"I uh, I don't hear any noise," Neville whispered. "Wouldn't there be noise if Sirius was being attacked."

By now, we had walked far enough into the room that the door was no longer visible. It was hard to draw breath when looking into the seemingly endless darkness surrounding us. I felt suddenly trapped.

"Harry," Luna spoke gently, "this one has your name on it."

I turned just in time to see Harry approaching her, a mystified look on his face. His hand reached out, grabbing the small crystal ball off its shelf. A sense of foreboding hung in the air, as he stared at the orb intently, it's eerie, blue glow making his face seem almost supernatural for a moment.

I was so entranced by Harry that I jumped a little when I felt someone tugging at my arm. Hermione was nodding down the aisle in front of us, her eyes wide with fear. I followed her gaze to a cloaked figure, standing in the shadows, watching us. The pounding of my heart growing louder, as the figure stepped into the light, its face covered by a terrifying mask; a mask we recognized all too well. There was something familiar about the way they moved as well. The realization that I might know this person was almost too uncomfortable to bear. Death Eaters were among us and behind those masks, they could be anyone.

Harry stood in front of the group, as if trying to shield the rest of us. We held our wands, my hand shaking from how tightly my fingers wrapped around the wood, my thumb stroking the familiar grooves; a technique that had often helped calm me down in times of stress and fear.

"Where is Sirius?!" Harry demanded.

"You know," the figure spoke in a distorted voice, still advancing on us slowly, "you really should learn to tell the difference between dreams and reality."

With a flick of his wand, the mask hiding his face disappeared and a collective gasp could be heard around our little group; Lucius Malfoy. Though I doubt anyone was surprised to see him as a Death Eater, all were surprised to see him getting his hands dirty.

"You saw only what the Dark Lord wanted you to see," he continued, his eyes cold, "now, hand me the prophecy."

Harry's eyes flickered from Lucius's face, to the small crystal ball in his hand.

"You do anything to us, I'll break it."

A terrifying cackle rose out of the shadows. My eyes flickered around, desperate to find its source. Lucius Malfoy looked irritated, as another dark figure appeared behind him.

"He knows how to play," a shrill, woman's voice echoed through the darkness.

The figure strode forward, the click of high heels seeming way too loud in the endless room. The woman looked dirty and disheveled, her eyes gleaming with madness, mocking us mercilessly without her having to say a word. In a moment, my brain had connected her face to an image that had been plastered all over the front of the Daily Prophet not too long ago. Bellatrix Lestrange, one of Voldemort's most loyal followers and the woman who had tortured Neville's parents. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, his face contorted with anguish and fury. Subtly, Luna reached over and squeezed his free hand.

Suddenly, everything felt painfully real. Neither Bellatrix nor Lucius would have any qualms about harming us if it meant that they got what they came for. I glanced around at the faces around me and wondered how many of us would make it out of the Ministry in one piece, whose loved ones would be left to mourn in the morning.

Lucius spoke but the words were only noise to me now. More and more Death Eaters were appearing out of the shadows; we were surrounded. My fingers trembled, wand pointed at the black figures. I thought of dad and how I might never see him again, might never get the chance to tell him I loved him, a fact I feared he might have been doubting due to all the questions about mum.

My thoughts shifted quickly, as mine often tended to in times of high stress. I found myself wondering how Draco would feel if I were to die by his father's hand. Would it finally be enough to shake his world view and cause him to abandon everything he had been raised to believe.  
Suddenly, the world came back to me, sound returning as I felt Ron's elbow connect with my arm softly.

"I've waited fourteen years for this," Harry's voice resounded through the room, as Lucius Malfoy feigned sympathy, "I guess I can wait a little longer. NOW!"

"Stupefy!"

We cast the spell in perfect unison, sending the Death Eaters scattering through the shadows and freeing up a path for us to run. Without time to think, I ran as fast as my legs could carry, not realizing I was separated from the others until I was too far to see anything but darkness all around me. My legs trembled, as my eyes darted around frantically, wand still at the ready.

I walked slowly, afraid to make too much noise lest a Death Eater was hiding in the shadows around me. Fear of being caught alone was the only thing that kept me moving. My eyes traveled over the prophecies, wondering how many of them were important and how many insignificant, when something caught my eye. I froze, my eyes scanning the shelf to make sure I wasn't imagining things. The breath caught in my throat, my free hand reaching for the crystal ball.

The small name tag wrapped around it mocked me; Weasley, Clara. I shook my head, as if that would make the tag change, make this all go away. It was impossible, why was this here, who had made this prophecy. I wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, not like Harry was.

The moment my fingers touched the glass, a strange face appeared inside the mist.

"The child, born on the thirteenth of December to Robert and Anora Weasley, shall on her-"

Cold fingers touched mine, snatching the crystal ball out of my grasp. I stumbled backwards trying to get away, readying my wand to defend myself against an attack. The empty eyes of the mask stared at me, but the Death Eater hiding behind them made no attempt to harm me. Puzzled, I stared at the cloaked figure in front of me, my feet frozen to the spot.

Then, out of the darkness came the sound of barreling feet and the Death Eater disappeared. Still confounded, all I could do was stand there, as the rest of the group came into view, relief coloring their faces at the sight of me.

"We thought we'd lost you for good," Ron exclaimed, clapping a hand to my shoulder.

There was no time to converse, as the Death Eaters were still coming. In a moment of desperation, Ginny raised her wand high.

"Reducto!" she shouted into the darkness and all became quiet once more.

Slowly, the tall shelves began falling, sending the prophecies crashing to the ground. Each shelf caused the fall of the one in front, like rows of giant dominoes and we would be crushed if we didn't find the way out.

"Get to the door!" Harry commanded, sending all of us running.

We crashed through the door, only to realize we were suddenly falling. A terrified shriek erupted from my lips, as my body flew helplessly through the air. I closed my eyes, preparing for the impact but it never came. My eyes opened slowly. The floor was inches away from my face, my body hovering in the air. Then, with a collective thud, our bodies hit the ground.

As I scrambled to stand, my eyes took in the tall, circular room. A rock formation stood in the middle, with an empty archway at the top. There was something unsettling about this room, something that made the tiny hairs at the back of my neck stand.  
Harry and Luna stared at the archway, their eyes wide with wonder.

"We should get out of here before they find us again," my voice trembled slightly, still shaken from both the chase and the fall.

It was almost as if Harry was in a trance, slowly making his way towards the archway, never taking his eyes off of it.

"What is that?" his voice was almost breathless, "what are they saying?"

"There's nothing there, Harry," Hermione's tone was urgent, her eyes darting around the room, "it's just an empty archway."

A chill traveled through the room, the air suddenly seeming thinner.

"Please, Harry!" I found myself begging, panic beginning to set in; they were coming.

Snapping out of it, Harry whipped around, his wand held towards the door we had fallen through.

"Get behind me!"

Looking up towards the door, ready to defend ourselves at a moment's notice, we never even saw it coming. Suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, we were overtaken by blurs of black smoke whizzing in the air all around us. Loosing grip of my wand, I felt my body being violently yanked away from my friends.

Trembling, I drew a sharp breath at the feel of a wand against my throat.

The scene cleared and Harry was standing alone in the middle, watching as the Death Eaters that circled him held his friends hostage. Soon, Lucius appeared before him, advancing slowly.

There was an eerie silence over the room, as he demanded the prophecy in exchange for our lives. The Death Eater holding me tightened his grip, the wand pressing tighter against my throat.

Harry was going to do it, of course he was. He was going to trade the prophecy to ensure our safety, but it wouldn't matter. I was sure the Death Eaters would kill us once they had what they had come for.

Then, a bright flash of light appeared behind Lucius, catching everyone by surprise.

"Get away from my Godson!" the angry voice of Sirius Black reverberated off the walls, a moment before he appeared.  
Lucius had just enough time to turn, before Sirius's fist connected with his face, sending the prophecy flying out of his hands. Desperate, the man scrambled to catch it, but it shattered against the rocks.

Harry smiled brightly, as several more flashes of light appeared, attacking the Death Eaters and forcing them to release us. The cloaked figure behind me was ripped away and I fell to the ground. No sooner had I gathered my bearings, when I felt a warm pair of hands pulling me to my feet.

"Are you alright?!"

I looked into the worried face of my father, overwhelmed with a sense of security. Everything would be alright now, he was here and he would keep me safe, keep all of us safe. Feeling almost like a little girl again, I threw my arms around him tightly, silently sobbing into his robes.

"Dad…"

I couldn't stop the trembling that had overtaken my limbs, the events of the night slowly sinking in and the adrenaline beginning to wear off. His arms squeezed me tighter than they had in years, letting me know without words that he would never let anything happen to me.

All too soon, time sped up again and we were standing in the middle of a battlefield, as the two groups fought for control. Sparks flew over our heads, as dad pushed me towards my friends.

"Go with your friends, Clara!"

A terrible feeling gripped my gut.

"I love you, dad."

He smiled warmly, not having heard the words since I was a little girl.

"I love you."

Dad motioned to Ron, who was coming towards us with Tonks, before disappearing into the fray. Ron's arm wrapped around my shoulders and we ran, keeping our heads down and dodging spells as best we could.

"Stay here, no matter what happens," Tonks ordered, before joining the others.

It was a helpless feeling, hiding while the adults fought. Through the sounds of battle, Bellatrix's insane cackle could be heard all around, sending chills down my spine.

Just as it seemed the battle had been won, an ear shattering cry could be heard through the room. We watched helplessly as Lupin restrained Harry, his angry, tearful cries filling our ears.

Bellatrix grinned evilly, as she backed out of the room.

"I killed Sirius Black!" her gloating words echoed through the silence.

In a fit of rage, Harry tore himself out of Lupin's grasp and set off in pursuit. All around me, the rest of the Death Eaters were being apprehended, the battle was won.

"We have to follow Harry," Ron insisted.

"Who knows what he'll do in his current state," Hermione agreed darkly.

There was no question, we would go after our friend. Determined, we stood, ready to once more follow Harry into the fire. Then, I caught sight of dad, smiling at me from across the room, his face full of relief. I realized Harry didn't need me, not like dad did. Ron, who had noticed the exchange, nodded encouragingly and gave my hand a squeeze, before setting off with the others.

As we approached each other, the silence that had now fallen over the room hit me. The Death Eaters and the Order were gone and we were alone. Dad led me through a door, into a dark hallway.

"Lumos," he spoke, his wand lighting up instantly.

"You promised at Christmas that you would tell me about mum," the words tumbled out of me without thought.

Dad froze, his eyes refusing to look at me.

"Things were complicated with your mum and I-" he stopped himself mid sentence.

"Please, dad, I deserve to know the truth."

His smile was almost heartbreaking.

"Yes, I suppose you're old enough now, though in truth, I'd hoped this day wouldn't come."

I held my breath, waiting for him to speak, yearning to know the secrets that had been kept from me for all this time. Dad looked into my eyes, an unbearable sadness in his.

"Your mum was-"

Dad's eyes grew wide, unfocused. His fingers relaxed and the wand he'd been holding clattered to the ground.

"Dad?"

His knees faltered.

I had been so focused on getting the answers that I wanted, I hadn't been able to sense that we weren't alone. Dad's body hit the ground with a sickening thud. My mouth opened, letting out a scream that was muted by the loud ringing in my ears. I fell to my knees, clutching dad's hand desperately, begging for him to wake up. The familiar smell of ink and parchment, that had always comforted me as a child, was fading fast.

Something moved in the shadows and my eyes snapped in its direction. I stared at the masked figure in front of me, unable to move. Seconds passed, my chest rising and falling with the extra effort of trying to remember how to breathe.

And then, without a word, the Death Eater disappeared in a cloud of black smoke and a horrible emptiness settled over the dark hallway. I was alone; completely alone.

* * *

"I found her after the battle," Weasley spoke the words quietly, his eyes fixed on his hands, "she was kneeling next to the… well, you know."

I couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation between Weasley and his brothers. It had been weeks since the now famous battle at the Ministry, weeks since I'd heard any news of Clara. Guilt tore at my gut. Maybe if I hadn't let her go that night, none of this would have happened. But now, as it was, both of our lives had been torn apart; her father was dead and mine in Azkaban, a convicted Death Eater.  
The Malfoy named had been dragged through the mud, my family pariahs even among our own. Father had failed his mission and worst of all, he had let himself get bested by Potter and his gang of sycophants.

It was strange, conflicting emotions were at war inside of me. I was angry that the status of being a Malfoy had been lost, I resented Potter and his friends more than ever, for what they had done to my family. But somewhere in the corners of my mind was an immense sadness, sadness that Clara's life had been ripped apart and shame knowing that my father had played a part.

But our cause was just, was it not? We were only trying to protect true born witches and wizards and our rights. Muggles and muggleborns were beneath us but thought they could invade our world and take away our traditions, our way of life. We had to hide in the shadows like rats, while muggles fooled themselves into thinking they were in charge.

A strange hush had fallen over the Great Hall. Every house was silent, including ours, as Potter walked through the doors. His face still bore the marks of battle, his eyes scanning the room uncomfortably. For a moment, I almost believed he didn't revel in the fame and attention, but then I remembered that he was saint Potter. Behind that awkward stare was no doubt a smug grin. He was the hero of the hour, he had faced Voldemort yet again and lived while also suffering a tragic loss, rendering him the inevitable sympathy points.

Disgusted, I tore my eyes away.

"She would go with Potter now," Pansy's nasty whisper reached my ears, "Clara is such a slag."

My heart leapt at the mention of her name, my attention drawn back to Potter. Clara had appeared at his side, her hand entwined with his. My jaw tightened, anger seething inside of me. No doubt he had convinced her he was the only one who could understand her loss, the only one who could be there for her.

"Drakie? What are you doing?"

All around me, the conversation had picked back up again. Pansy was staring at me, and I realized I had risen out of my seat, hands clenched into fists. With no idea what I'd been planning, I quickly lowered myself back onto the bench, ignoring the repeated questions from Pansy.

Despite great effort, my eyes kept flickering towards Clara, my heart tugging painfully at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes. She looked as if she hadn't slept or stopped weeping since returning back to Hogwarts to finish out the year.

I imagined holding her hand while walking through the school, wrapping my arms around her while she wept, and a painful realization hit me; I would never be able to be there for her the way Potter could. Why did she have to insist on being on the wrong side of things? Why couldn't she just realize the Dark Lord wasn't evil, he was simply trying to restore our kind to its natural place in the world, to bring us out of hiding and into the light.

Dumbledore began his end of the year speech and the hall quieted once more. I looked around me at my fellow Slytherins and wondered if there were any among us that would side with Potter in the years to come. My eyes met Alfie's. A chill traveled down my spine, an uneasy feeling bothering me for the rest of the night.


	18. Chapter 18

**Please excuse the poor job I did editing this chapter. I've been in a hurry to publish it before April 1st because I'll be participating in Camp Nanowrimo and probably won't have time to publish another chapter until the beginning of May.  
Thank you, as always, to every single person who's read and followed and reviewed! **

* * *

I stared numbly at the rain tapping against the window, my head resting against the glass. I had no idea how long I had sat there, how long I had been alone. The hours seemed to blend together into one long stretch of time these days. My family was worried and so were my friends but I couldn't muster up the energy to care.

I closed my eyes, the image of dad's lifeless form haunting me still. It had been a few months and somehow none of it still felt real, I half expected to see dad smiling at me on the platform when we arrived home for the holidays. Of course, he hadn't been there, only uncle Arthur and aunt Molly's grave faces, their awkward silence at my presence.

The small bell above the door rang softly. My eyes found the familiar mess of black hair, coming towards my table. I mustered a smile.

Without a word, Harry took his usual seat across from me, his green eyes kind as he looked into mine.

"How are you?"

I shrugged, averting my eyes.

"Same as last week, some days I feel angry, others just sad."

He nodded slowly.

"Me too."

We shared an empathic look. Harry and I had spent a lot of time together that summer, connecting over the losses we'd suffered. Eventually, I'd found the courage to tell him about mum and he'd suggested that I write to her with the news. I had hesitated.

"Want to take your mind off?"

There was a mischievous gleam in Harry's eyes and I couldn't help but smile.

"Yes, please."

He held out his hand and I took it, feeling that sense of safety and companionship I had enjoyed with him all summer. We ran, wind whipping through our hair, rain falling all around us, through the platforms until we found a train to board. With no idea where it was going or what we would do when we got there, the feeling was oddly liberating and calming.

We found a seat among a car full of muggles. Sitting opposite from me, Harry smiled conspiratorially.  
"He's an important business man who secretly likes collecting stuffed animals," he nodded his head towards a tall, thin man in a suit.

I grinned in response.

"And she's the woman he's having an affair with."

Harry's eyes found the short, matronly woman I had been eying, suppressing a chuckle.

"What, really?"

"And they like to pretend she's his nanny."

Harry snorted loudly, a few people around us turning their heads in our direction.

"You're a nut, you know what right."

My lips curved in a smile. We'd done this dozens of times over the summer; meet at the coffee shop, board a random train and people watch. Harry had told me that it was something muggles often practiced when out in public and that it could really take your mind off of your troubles for a time. He had been right and soon, it had become something I found myself doing constantly when around muggles.

After hours of laughing and watching people get on and off the train, we eventually reached the final stop. Climbing off the train, we looked around for a sign letting us know where we had ended up.

"Edinburgh!" Harry exclaimed upon seeing the sign, "I suppose that means we won't be getting home tonight."

"How am I going to let aunt Molly know I'm alright? Oh, she's going to kill me!"

"Don't worry, I'm sure we can find a witch or a wizard somewhere and ask for help."

Harry was almost irritatingly calm, making me want to slap him.

"How are we supposed to find one, just walk up to people on the streets and ask?"

"You're doing it again, Clara," Harry placed his hand gently on my shoulder, his green eyes compelling as they looked deep into mine. "Calm down and think rationally."

I drew a deep breath, the panic clouding my brain clearing slowly, like fog parting and I could see clearly. Witches and Wizards were fairly obvious most of the time, wearing robes and behaving oddly around muggles. Even when they managed to blend in, you could most certainly find one who would squeak at the sight of Harry and rush to shake his hand. Everything would be fine.

A movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. A light on the platform across the rails was flickering, as if threatening to go out. A worried frown creased Harry's brow, as he stepped away from me and closer to the edge of the platform.

A train came barreling past us, the wind whipping my hair into my face. When it had passed, a man was standing alone on the platform, his eyes fixed on us.

"Is that…"

"Professor Dumbledore," Harry nodded slowly. "Come on."

Dumbledore watched us approach, his eyes hinting at some amusement.

"You've been reckless this summer," he looked from Harry to me and I shrunk under his gaze, "both of you."

"I like riding around on trains," Harry replied without missing a beat, he seemed used to Dumbledore's scrutiny, "takes my mind off of things."

Dumbledore seemed to accept this, his eyes turning to gaze out over the empty platform.

"Well, I must insist on taking you home, miss Weasley, Harry and I have something to attend to."

"What sort of something, sir?" Harry's curiosity and confusion were evident in his voice.

Dumbledore ignored the question.

"Take my arm and close your eyes."

We shared a look, neither one of us wanting to defy Dumbledore. His robe was soft against the palm of my hand and before either one of us could say anything the world disappeared around us, my body being pulled in a million different directions all at once, and then, just as quickly as the ground had disappeared from beneath me, there it was again. Through the darkness, I could see the light shining in the windows of the Burrow.

I turned to Harry and Dumbledore, reluctant to say goodbye.

"I'll see you later, Harry," he nodded, flashing me a crooked smile, "thank you for bringing me home, headmaster."

"Oh, you're quite welcome. I will be seeing you on September first, as always, miss Weasley."

Dumbledore held out his arm to Harry and I watched them disappear, leaving behind nothing but silence. A breeze rustled the tall grass surrounding me, the now familiar emptiness worming its way into my head once more.

* * *

Before long, summer was over and we found ourselves back at King's Cross on September first. The mood on platform nine and three-quarters differed from years before. A dark cloud hung in the air, tainting everything, including the smiles and excitement of the first years. Voldemort was back and everyone had been forced to accept it now, Cornelius Fudge having seen him with his own eyes.

Everything had changed. Dad was gone and I was now forced to live at the Burrow with a gaggle of cousins and an aunt who never stopped worrying. No matter how much I loved my family, it seemed nothing could fill the gaping emptiness I now felt.

Someone nudged me gently. I looked over at Harry and smiled weakly.

"Here we are, about to start our sixth year," was all I could think to say.

Harry nodded, his expression somber. We stood side by side in silence, looking out over the platform. All around us, students were saying their goodbyes, hugging their parents, before boarding the train. I felt a twinge of envy tugging at my heart. Just last year, dad had been at the station with me and now, I was alone.

Harry's fingers closed gently around mine.

"Still no word from your mother?"

I shook my head. It had been a few months since I'd sent the owl informing her of father's death. I wasn't sure what I had hoped for, sympathy, an offer to come live with her? Whatever it was, she had given me nothing. The anger and disappointment were surprising to me, the woman hadn't been in my life for years and when she had finally shown up, she had been there very sporadically. I still wasn't even sure she was really my mum. I had desperately wanted her to be, but wanting something didn't make it so.

A flash; dad falling lifeless to the ground, a scream erupting from my lips. I shook my head to rid myself of the flashback, tired of it playing over and over again. Harry squeezed my hand supportively. We made our way through the crowds together, united in our grief and loneliness.

People were watching, some staring unapologetically. I made a valiant effort to convince myself it was only their eyes I could feel watching me and not the ones I had been avoiding since the end of our last school year.

But now he was there, standing only twenty feet away, his pale eyes scowling in my direction. I froze, all the color draining from my face. Our eyes met across the crowded platform and I couldn't help but think he didn't look like himself. His pallor was lighter than usual, he looked almost sickly.

Harry tugged at my hand and pulled me onto the train, and I suddenly realized how this would look to Draco. No doubt he thought I was now dating Harry. The thought made the contents of my stomach gurgle in protest and I had to remind myself that I shouldn't care. But no matter how hard I tried, the image of his scowling face plagued my thoughts for the first few hours of the train ride.

"…and Draco was acting more suspicious than usual."

At the mention of his name, Harry's words invaded my thoughts and ripped me back into reality. The three of them had followed Draco and his mother to Borgin and Burkes that summer and Harry was convinced that Draco had been there on a mission for Voldemort, despite the fact that neither of them had purchased or done anything besides inspect some dusty old wardrobe.

"Draco's no doubt joined the Death Eaters."

"Not this again, Harry," Hermione sounded exasperated, like they'd had this conversation a million or more times. "Just because he's a Malfoy doesn't mean he would officially become a Death Eater."

"Honestly, Harry," Ron chimed in, "you have to let this go, mate."

"What would you-know-who want with Draco anyway?" I scoffed, attempting to sound uninterested, "Malfoy's a git, sure, but he's all bark and no bite."

Despite our words, Harry remained strong in his belief that Draco was now a Death Eater. I couldn't shake the nagging sense of foreboding his suspicions had awoken in me, despite the part of me that still clung to the belief that Draco wasn't evil, just misguided.

The Draco I had known in our moments alone would never go as far as officially joining Voldemort, he would never actually harm anyone. But that Draco could have easily been a mask, a pretense to lure me in and make me feel safe before he took what he wanted from me. I shuddered, tired of thinking about him.

Out of the blue, Harry jumped out of his seat. It would seem their conversation had continued on without me.

"Where are you going?" Hermione demanded, her eyes wary.

"To find out the truth."

I knew we could all see the look in Harry's eyes, the look all of us had come to know too well, we also knew there was nothing we could say to change his mind. In awkward silence, we watched him don the invisibility cloak, closing the compartment door behind him.

Making a split second decision, I stood up to follow him.

"Where are you going?" Hermione asked, though I suspected by the tone in her voice she already knew.

"I'm going to talk to Harry before he does anything stupid."

Walking through the train, the feeling of unease in the pit of my stomach grew with each step. Nothing good could come out of this; nothing good ever came out of these situations.

I stood outside the door of the last train car. Draco had to be in there and the knowledge caused the bile to rise up in the back of my throat. I peeked through the small window, my fears confirmed when I saw no sign of Harry; he had already taken position somewhere close to Draco, spying on his conversation with his friends.

I was dismayed to find that Pansy Parkinson was among the group sitting with him. She had her hand on Draco's arm, her fingers stroking it gently, her adoring eyes glued to his face as he spoke.

I took a step back from the door, breathing deeply. Dark thoughts had invaded my mind the moment my eyes had taken in Pansy's actions; thoughts of ripping her off of him and breaking every single one of her snaking fingers.  
My hands trembled, a lump forming inside my throat. The dark thoughts had a hold of me, keeping me prisoner inside my own head, their clawed fingers clutching at me and refusing to let go.

For minutes, I stood there, frozen, the image of Pansy Parkinson throwing herself at Draco glued to the back of my eyelids. Grief at all the things I had lost and the things I could never have, mixed with the jealousy I was already feeling. My breathing suddenly growing rapid, my palms beginning to sweat, my body becoming numb; I was having a panic attack.

Closing my eyes, I found the familiar grooves of my wand and stroked them with my thumb. Everything was fine, I would be fine, I chanted inside my head, the world slowly coming back into focus.

I should have turned around right then, should have gone back to Ron and Hermione, but something held me there and pulled me into the train car. Somehow, I managed to slip into one of the seats without being noticed. I held my breath. I wasn't close enough to eavesdrop on the group, but I was close enough that I could spring to Harry's aid if he needed me to.

The journey seemed tortuously long that day, and when the train finally did come to a stop at Hogsmeade station, I froze, hoping no one would pay too much attention to me. I watched the students piling out of the car with their bags, until Draco and I were the only ones left.

Afraid he would turn and notice me, I ducked under the table. My hands shaking with nerves, I peeked out at him. It was a small relief when he finally stood and collected his bag from the overhead compartment. But as he reached the door, instead of walking through it, he pulled it shut and closed the curtains.

I was frozen, my heart hammering so hard I thought it might break my ribs. Had he noticed me?

"Didn't your mother ever teach you it is rude to eavesdrop, Potter?" he spoke the words with his back turned towards me, and before my brain could catch up with that was happening, he had shouted the body bind curse and a loud thump echoed through the car.

I suppressed a gasp, as Draco reached down and snatched the invisibility cloak off of Harry's petrified form. This was going nowhere good.

Draco's expression was nasty, sending chills down my spine, as he gazed down at Harry, knowing he was in full control of the situation.

"That's right, she died before she could wipe the drool off your chin."

Without warning, Draco picked up his foot and before I knew what I was doing, I had dashed out of my hiding place.

"Draco!"

He startled, his eyes snapping to meet mine, his leg hesitating. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but no words followed. We were locked in each others gazes, both struggling desperately for control. For a moment, I thought he might give in and walk away, but then, as things always seemed to go with him, he averted his eyes from mine and made the wrong choice once again.

His foot came down in a flash. I flinched at the sickening, crunching sound of Harry's nose breaking. Without even a glance in my direction, Draco turned and walked off the train.

I stood, rooted to the spot, my brain scrambling to understand what had just happened. I had heard stories of his cruelty but had always told myself he was simply misunderstood, misguided. Seeing him do something so vile with my own eyes shook me to my core.

It took me a moment to remember that Harry was still petrified and bleeding on the ground. I approached him, muttering the counter spell and helping him to his feet.

His eyes bore into mine as he held his nose. I averted my eyes, unable to look at him. I knew he had sensed the tension between me and Draco and that he was now wondering what it was about. But I wasn't ready to talk about it, maybe I never would be.

I forced a weak smile.

"Come, we need to get our bags before we're late."


End file.
